5 strategies to calm pesky parents
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You may feel like you’re best friends, but even close parent-child relationships can get a little tense.
As a clinical psychologist, professor and parent of college students, I also know there are plenty of simple strategies students can employ to decrease parent-child tension.
Whether you’re home all summer, or just popping in for a quick visit, consider these five strategies for preserving family harmony.
Review parental expectations
It’s often easier to follow the rules when you know what they are. Schedule a family meeting to talk about parental expectations and your suggestions and concerns this summer.
Identify conflicting perspectives and try to brainstorm compromises that will keep everyone reasonably happy. Anticipate a few bumps in the road, but try to avert major clashes by being realistic and proactive.
Think like them
You don’t necessarily think like your parents, but you probably know them pretty well. Pretend you’re an actor and put yourself in their shoes. This technique will allow you to head off problems before someone has a headache on their hands.
Before you test out your new college-related habits, consider parental responses. Just because you went to a hookah bar near campus, doesn’t mean your parents will embrace that extra curricular activity.
This summer there’s a good chance they’ll be reminding you about safety and health hazards. Thinking like them just might help you avoid conflicts and potential problems.
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Pretend they’re acquaintances you want to impress
You may feel like you’re best friends, but even close parent-child relationships can get a little tense. Boundaries can be blurred and it’s easy to take some things for granted.
Before you walk away from your late night snack preparation, take a look at the kitchen. Would you leave an acquaintance’s kitchen looking like this? If not, then it’s probably time to clean up. Would you blast your music until 3 a.m. if you were staying with an acquaintance? Would you scream at an acquaintance if she calmly explained why you couldn’t borrow her car?
Call before they do
It’s true, most parents worry. If you’re home for the summer, there’s a good chance you’re also missing that campus freedom.
You can cut down on parental nagging by beating them to the punch- or in this case, the phone call. There’s a reason they are called “courtesy calls”. You know you’ll be home before 11 p.m., so why not phone in your intentions? You’ll score big because, next to knowing you’re safe, parents love courtesy and predictability.
Make a date before they do
Parents love to snag one-on-one time with their college students. The problem is you’re incredibly busy sleeping, catching up with old friends and visiting college friends who are scattered around the globe.
Make some family dinner or travel suggestions that work for your schedule. And remember, parents love to hear college stories that illustrate your safe adventures, positive learning experiences, happiness and anything that suggests their college investment has been a good one. Toss these stories into the conversation and you’ll have happy parents who might spare you the inquisition.
Nancy Berk, Ph.D. is the author of College Bound and Gagged: How to Help Your Kid Get Into a Great College Without Losing Your Savings, Your Relationship, or Your Mind. An accomplished psychologist, speaker and award-winning lifestyle humorist, she is a former full-time university professor, and the mom of a college graduate and college sophomore. Follow her on Twitter and check out her new entertainment column for Parade Magazine.
This story originally appeared on the Paste BN College blog, a news source produced for college students by student journalists. The blog closed in September of 2017.