Donna Kauffman on 'The Bachelorette' finale: Is this the fun part?

It's The Bachelorette Finale where, after last week, "happily ever after" looks a lot more like "how do I get out of this alive?"

If you were visiting the International Space Station last week and missed out on what happened during Part 1, check out the recap here, then go freshen up that mocha latte and come back and join in to find out how it all turned out.

We start with Chris sitting down with Des after Brooks' departure. Chris is prodding Des to think about what's going to happen moving forward, and, by the way, will there even be a moving forward. Clearly, for the sake of the show, there needs to be some ending, even if it is Des saying tearful goodbyes to both of the remaining bachelors. Given how thoroughly devastated she was after finding out Brooks didn't reciprocate her feelings and wasn't in love with her, it is next to impossible to see her committing herself in any way to the remaining two, whom she clearly hadn't come to feel as deeply for, despite having true and honest affection for them both. She knows both of the guys are fully prepared to get down on one knee ... and does any guy really want to be the "runner-up" on his own wedding day?

I think Chris is doing what he has to do for the purposes of the show, while simultaneously wearing the BFF hat for Des, and he does a good job with it. But there is a certain element of "Well, these are two pretty darn good guys, so ... whaddya think?" And my response is: Just because they're good guys doesn't mean you shrug and go, "Sure. Why not?" Love isn't a plug-n-play emotion and people aren't plug-n-play life partners, either. To Des' credit, she makes it clear that while her heart is broken, her spirit is not. And that she does recognize that she has two good guys who care for her very deeply. Chris asks if Brooks was never in the equation, would she be picking either one. Her answer? She doesn't know. And that's honest. Because, truly, how could she? She's been in love with someone else pretty much the whole time.

She plans to spend time with each of them and gauge her feelings for them, knowing what she now knows, and determining if she can return the love they have for her, give as fully to them as they are wanting to give to her. And ... what else can she really say here? Do I think she has honest affection for them? Yes. Is she in love with either of them? No. And she's aware of that. So, at best, it would be ... "I don't know where I stand with you right now, but I'd like to be given a chance to find out." Meaning the answer to any proposal would have to be "not yet" at best. And that's the best-case scenario. To my mind.

Let's see what's in Des' heart ... Bottom line, they deserve the same consideration that Brooks gave her, which was letting her know as soon as he was certain. If she's certain, please don't let them go through the charade of picking out rings and getting on one knee, only then to be told. At least it seems as if the powers that be are no longer holding her to any type of pre-determined arrangement and are probably thanking their lucky stars she didn't pack up and go home.

Rose Ceremony time! As it turns out, this rose ceremony is the one that would have occurred when three guys were whittled down to two, which is one shy of the Big Day when bended knees happen. So at least there is that. I also get her trying to sort through the heartache to make sure she's not tossing out the two guys who do care for her and who might be great for her, because she has to take the time to fall out of love with Brooks first. But, in fact, that is what she needs to do, and that takes time. Time she doesn't have. Hopefully she'll at least be honest and tell them where she really stands, and let things go from there. She strikes me as a straight-shooter, so I expect she won't be any different here.

And ... what happens is maybe a step short of that. She tells them that Brooks left of his own accord. It's clear that she's upset about it, teary, but she assures them she's taken every relationship independently and doesn't want his leaving to impact the remainder of their individual journeys. I get that she wants time — it's been less than 24 hours, after all — to sort things through, but I'm not sure if she's forthcoming enough here. Although what else could she say? And when she tells the guys that they both get roses, she says that when she asks them if they accept it to please answer sincerely. And while she does have a strong spirit, it's not enough to get through that, and she breaks down a little. The guys look on with stoic regard and, on the one hand, I imagine both of them — given they profess to love her — want to go directly to her and comfort her. But with them both standing there, they can't. And on the other hand, I imagine they both also have to be standing there thinking, "Well, if you're that destroyed by Brooks leaving" — and they all knew he was a front-runner all along — "then where does that really leave me in all this?"

And ... yeah. I'm right there with them on that. Also ... if she's that devastated, then surely Brooks wasn't going home that week, so ... which of the two of them standing there would she have sent home? I mean, I'd want to know. Wouldn't you? Well, I wouldn't want to know, because ouch, but if marriage is on the table, um ... yeah. So ... how screwed up has this swiftly become? Yikes.

Ceremony done, both guys with roses, she goes to Chris' arms first for a reassuring hug, then Drew (which ... awkward all around at this point!) but speaks volumes, none of them surprising. Drew tells Private Camera Guy that he'd never leave her. Not ever ever. Chris says it's hard to watch her cry. I want to shout, "Do you guys realize what's up here? PAY ATTENTION!"

Then we're back at live studio audienceville with Host Chris who wants to poll Bachelor Nation to find out what we're thinking. We know what we're thinking, we've been talking about it for a week now. So, frankly, I don't care what fourth-row Barbie thinks. I just want to get on with it already. Oh, look! I have a fast-forward button on my remote. How conveeeenient!

So, back on the Island of Despair, Des at least has the wherewithal not to introduce either remaining guy to her family. Yet. She says she wants to move on, but needs more time with each to reassess her feelings. And, you know ... I get not wanting to make a rash decision in the heat of a heartbroken moment, so taking more time is a good idea ... but the very fact that you kind of have to do that should tell you all you need to know. My feeling is that this is the time you take, privately, one on one, to be honest about where your heart was at right up to the very second Brooks dashed it on the rocks, then stomped it flat. They need to at least have some strong sense of that. Because seeing you break down on the rose podium clearly wasn't enough of a red flag.

Drew is up first, and ... oh ... dude. He has clearly taken not a single clue from what happened at the rose ceremony. He's superexcited to spend the day with Des, looking forward to the whole meet-the-fam time that comes next, until he can turn handsprings down the aisle toward his already thought-out marriage proposal. He's like a kid on crack at Christmas who hasn't figured out the whole True Story About Santa thing yet. In fact, he seems to think that all he has to do is reassure her that he is fully committed to their life plan to seal the deal. He's, like, almost scary-in-love. I mean, I know they say love is blind, but ... sweetie ... did you notice she's already on her horse? Did you notice she leaned down to kiss you but is otherwise giving every possible "stand back!!" signal known to man? She's not even smiling really. In fact, she's barely holding it together. Most of us, 24 hours after getting our hearts shattered, are, at best, halfway through our second pint of Chunky Monkey, four boxes in to a towering stack of Kleenex, have long since used up all of our monthly cell minutes alternately shrieking and sobbing to our besties, and are now flicking through Netflix debating on revenge flicks or tearjerkers. Instead of doing any of this ... Des? Yeah, she has to go on a fun date!! Yay! (I'd be all, "kill me now.")

And Drew thinks any change in her behavior is simply her being cautious because, given Brooks ditched her, she obviously is only concerned in making sure that the man she really, really loves isn't likewise not feeling it. While every single person on the planet is shouting "Noooo, it's because she's not in love with you! PAY ATTENTION." In fact, it doesn't seem to have registered on any level that she might be heartbroken and devastated.

His first question? "So ... how was your day yesterday?" And I'm, like, REALLY??? I give her credit for not shooting him on the spot and pulling off an "OK, you know, hanging out" response that couldn't be anymore half-hearted and a big fat lie. She private cameras that she was hoping that a magic heart wand would wave and magically restore her ability to feel anything other than complete stabbing pain and all would be resolved when she saw Drew. Shockingly ... yeah ... um ... no. She's not feeling it. I mean, yay for taking a moment just to make sure sure, but can we please put this charade to death sooner than later now that you know what we already knew before this show started? Kthanks.

Aaaand, while she is figuring out how to do to Drew what Brooks just did to her, he's making a toast to being madly in love. Ouch! Also? Gah. So sorry, dude. Des, for God's sake, hurry up and pull that trigger. He'll thank you for it later. And, she does. To his credit, for all he was so wrapped up in his own Disney Princess version of what was going on, and is completely and utterly blindsided by this, he takes it as stoically and as solidly as he can. He sees how broken up she is, and is a good-enough guy to be more concerned about reassuring her that he understands, than he is about letting loose with whatever he might be feeling. So, major, major man points for that. Class-A gentleman. Then, later, he's almost wooden in his private camera time. Either it hasn't hit him yet, or he's only now realizing that it was more a dream in his head than a reality ... even for him. Or, you know, the cynic in me thinks, "Hey, nice audition for The Bachelor." But, you know, whatever the case, he handled things well with her directly, so I'll leave it at that and leave him alone.

Back at LiveShowVille, you can hear a tear drop. Host Chris says so ... yeah. That happened. And now it's Last Guy Standing Chris' turn on the guillotine of love! Will there even be a final rose moment? I'm pretty sure everyone there is thinking, eh, notsomuch. Privately, I'm sure there is a certain percentage who are hoping Brooks came back after the cameras stopped rolling and the show was over and asked her to give them a chance in a real-world setting where they were only dating each other, to see how that goes. OK, so maybe only I'm thinking that, but still ... it could happen. Could, too! (Of course, I write romance for a living, so what did you expect me to hope for?)

Now, it's a day later. 48 Hours Post Brooks Exit. It's time for Chris to find out where he stands. She knows it's her Last Chance For Love (on television) and so she's hoping there's something there when she sees him. On a positive side, she meets him face to face, not 5 feet up on a horse, and she smiles, sincerely, when she sees him. So, there's clearly something still there. And that's not really a surprise. But ... is it enough?

Chris knows it's a big day and — YAY! — he was paying attention. So the first thing he tells her is that it was hard for him to see her so upset and not be able to console her. Then to reassure her that, at least where he is concerned, he's there for her. Whereas Drew was a little, OK a lot, in fantasyland, I think Chris has his head on straight and sees what's really in front of him, at least as best as he can given what information she can share with him. If it was going to happen for her, beyond her feelings for Brooks, Chris has been her best shot all along, so it's really down to this. (And, keep in mind, he doesn't know she sent Drew packing and he's the last man standing. I can't help but wonder how it might be different, in whatever way, if he did?)

Of course, I also can't help but notice we're only an hour in to a two-hour program, so if Chris is The One, then ... how long can it take for a single hometown visit and a proposal? So ... yeah. We're a long way from being done here. As their boat sails into the crystal-blue waters, the music of romance swells and we get the video montage of "Chris & Des, Kissing in a Tree" so we can believe there's really a chance that this could be Forever. She is sincere in her joy, so there is that. How much of it is, I Really Would Choose You! and how much is You're a Good Guy, I Can Do This! ... I don't know. We're watching her going 100% for the date, but we're listening to her voiceover saying "If he's the one ... if the guy I'm meant to be with is still here ... I'm realizing that maybe things work out as they're meant to ..." Which ... not a resounding endorsement for this guy.

My skepticism, it continues.

Post-boat ride, she shows up for their dinner date and she's super exuberant, which in some ways makes sense since she only has one guy to deal with, so can be completely open with him. We have no idea if he knows he's the only one left, so that's kind of weird. He tells us that it's important that he let her know that he sees them getting married and when he proposes a toast, I think we all collectively pray he does not do it in the form of yet another poem. Mercifully, he does not, and speaks from the heart instead. He's a good guy. She could do far worse. In fact, he's a 10. Just ... is he her 10? Des decides to introduce Chris to her family and does let him know that she wasn't convinced she'd intro any of them to her fam. He seems initially surprised by that, as he probably assumed it was a given for the final two.

And then suddenly they're in the bedroom. Um, OK. And he gives her a journal that includes the poems they shared, etc. It's the perfect gift for her in that moment as she is really wanting to leap off the cliff and ... I can't help but wonder how much is all truly there and how much is her reaching for what is clearly good and solid, which he is. I mean, there is zero reason for her not to love this guy, so in any other circumstance, I'd be 100% for it. They've had a solid connection throughout. It's the timing of it, the proximity to Brooks' exit, that makes me wonder ... How could I not? But she thinks that Brooks simply clouded her up too much to see what was right in front of her all the time, and now that the cloud has lifted, well, duuuuh! Of course it's Chris! It's always been Chris! ::foreheadthump::

Still? Fifty minutes left ... Just sayin'.

Back in LiveAudienceVille, we see that Des' three former bachelorette babes, Jackie, Lesley, and Lindsay, are in the audience, lending their support, and, oh yay, it's also Sean and Catherine! Sean, who dumped those same three bachelorette babes — hey! no hard feelings! — has his proprietary hand on Catherine's shoulder in case we have any doubt they are still madly in love. I just ... can we get back to the show, please? Gah. (Catherine ... are you sure? Really? There's still time!) Host Chris polls the group and it's essentially "as long as she's happy," lather, rinse, repeat. Move along, nothing to see here!

Back on Antigua, it's Meet the Fam Moment! Yeah. That's so a forced exclamation point. I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted. I just want to skip through to the end already. But slog through we must. Chris is a little concerned in meeting her brother, Nate, who trashed her chances with Sean, so that's ... fun. Oh, and Mom & Dad, too! Despite clearly being total afterthoughts.

So, Dad gets one question in, but Nate jumps in and does the grilling. It's fair grilling, really, every question, and he makes some good points. Chris responds quickly and very sincerely, but talks faster and faster as it progresses. So it's clear he's nervous as hell, but he manages to get what needs to be said, said. Because how much can you really articulate this without sounding rehearsed or fake? In some ways, his nerves make him come across as more sincere. Because it obviously matters to him. I did pause a little when Nate asked Chris that, if she chose Drew (so clearly he has no idea he's the last one left), how he'd feel. And he talks about it being hard as he's invested a "lot of emotion in this" and that it's a form of rejection and he's never experienced that before. So ... that was a little analytical and not particularly emotional, so ... a bit off. But it's a tough position to be in, so I cut him slack.

Then it's Dad one-on-one time. Chris knows he has to ask him for his permission to marry his daughter, and part of me is like ... Des isn't that close to her family, she never sees them, so this whole thing is kind of odd. What else is odd is that Chris is still talking like he's on a six-pack of Red Bull and the longer it goes on now, the less sincere it sounds. Like, dude ... who are you trying to convince? Dad? Or you? I dunno. Dad gets zero words in edgewise. Of course, at least Dad only has to meet one guy, so that dynamic is completely altered. Dad says, sure, marry her! And blip, bloop, Chris heads out. Now Des talks to her bro and he asks her, point blank, is this the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with? She says, "In this moment, yes." He asks, "So, could that change tomorrow then?" She assures him she's taking her time, one day at a time (smart, but red flags anyone?). Nate seems reassured she's not settling or rushing into anything. This guy got a lot of grief last year, and he's way rough around the edges and no doubt enjoyed his role in being a pot-stirrer. But I still say he didn't ask or say anything then or now that wasn't a fair thing to ask as her brother. If it derailed things, then it wasn't much of a relationship. And same now. It doesn't seem to be having that same effect, which says a lot. To us, and to him. (I'm guessing her family knows they're only meeting one guy? I don't know.)

Then he pointedly says that he knew even back in L.A. that her feelings for Brooks were strong and he asks her how she's coping with that. See? Smart questions. Necessary questions. She says it "took a long time to get over that." And I'm thinking ... what? Three whole days? Isn't that how long it was before she went out with Chris and jumped to his camp? I mean ... maybe she's just making Nate feel better but "long time"? Um ... no. Being questioned about Brooks shakes her a little, she gets a teeny bit glassy, but holds it together. At least she acknowledges that Nate asked the smart questions.

Aaaand, it's here ... the Final Day. We go through the motions of Chris pondering his upcoming proposal and doing the ring thing. We see Des getting ready and ... I don't know about you, but as much as these two make a good couple in all the ways that seem important, is this feeling anticlimactic and forced to anyone but me? I mean, maybe with a little more time it would have naturally reached this conclusion, because they are good for each other. There is nothing wrong with this union happening. I just don't feel it. Do you?

Jump ahead to Des all dressed up, stepping out of the limo, and Chris all dapper, ring in pocket. We hear Des talk again about how hard it is for her to let someone in, to trust they really love her, to experience what that's like, and to trust it. (Pssst, because that "long time" you took to get over Brooks? Hasn't even started yet at this point. You don't know what to trust yet, or what not to. Yes, you can trust that Chris means what he says, but I'm talking about that thing in your gut telling you whether you love this guy, or just really, really want to because he so clearly loves you. This feels good, and safe, and happy ... and it should be all those things, but, is it leaping too far, too fast?)

As she approaches the Mount of Bended Knee, she opines that, gosh, you know, if she's going to let Chris propose and she's going to say yes, because he's the best thing ever, oh, possibly she should have been open and completely honest about how she felt about Brooks. Just to make super-duper sure he wouldn't run if he knew. And I'm thinking, um ... yeah, that day was maybe back on the catamaran. Not when he's already bought a ring. But better now than when you're sitting hand in hand, watching this show back together ... months after this day. The music is pensive at best. Golly, this is such a fun show, isn't it??

He's nervous and very realistic about his chances, which is good. It's honest. He goes first. He's so sincere, so sweet, so earnest. Heck, I'd say yes. Then he goes to get on one knee and she pulls him up before he can do it, and ... wow, poor dude. I don't know what she's going to say, but that is so harsh. Because he's dying right now. I mean, she can't let him get on one knee, if at all, until she says her piece, but maybe she should have gone first, you know? She does reassure him immediately that he's the only one there that day, so that was kind. She tells him she was also in love with Brooks, but tells him she is glad he hung in there, because now that the Brooks fog has cleared, she realizes he was The One All Along. She tells him she loves him and wants him forever.

Then he pretty much makes the best proposal ever. Ever.

It's ridiculously romantic and a week ago I'd have said, yikes ... but now? I hope it works out. I sincerely do. Wow.

Not So Stealthy Chris for the win!! Also? Free adjustments for life!

And our journey? Still not over!! For all the dish on the After the Rose hour, and the winner of this week's Book Giveaway, freshen up that coffee and follow me over to my Big-Time Author Blog!

Donna Kauffman is a Paste BN best-selling romance author. Her latest release in her popular Cupcake Club series is Honey Pie. Her new series, The Bachelors of Blueberry Cove, launches this fall with Pelican Point. She loves to hear from readers and viewers! Her website is DonnaKauffman.com.