'NCIS' season 12 premiere recap by Donna Kauffman

I'm so excited to be with you this week with my dish on — wait for it! — NCIS! Yes, my fall season premiere week lovers, it is true. This is my new recapping home for the full 24-episode season of our favorite television show. I couldn't be happier to be hanging with Leroy Jethro Gibbs, his merry band of special agents, and assorted other beloved scientific sidekicks.

Now, what, you may ask, am I, a romance author, doing writing about NCIS? I mean, sure, when I recapped Dancing With the Stars, there was behind-the-scenes romance (and, come to think about it, some pretty hot right-on-the-dance-floor romance) going on. With Castle, the main protagonists are in a romantic relationship that last season led them all the way to the altar (then, you know, didn't tie any knots except with their entire viewing audience — knots of frustration and disbelief — in the most disappointing finale ever, but don't get me started …) However, now I am here, in NCIS Land. A place I am most happy to be, as I love this show, but … where's the romance connection?

Oh, ye of little let-a-little-love-in-your-life faith. Show-runner Gary Glasberg has made no secret of the fact that now that we've let Tony mourn the loss of his sidekick and sort-of-but not-really-unrequited-love-interest-slash-partner Ziva, it's time to put a little zip in his love life this season. We're also going to dig a little more into the personal goings-on of newest rookie Agent Bishop, including learning a bit about her husband. And if that wasn't enough, we're also going to get a gander at Gibbs' third wife. You know. The one we've never met. Not so much as a glimpse. As far as we know, anyway. In 11 previous seasons. Then, if all that isn't enough to whet your romance whistle, how about the little tease Gary let slip this week about a possible Ziva return. I know!

So, if I was ever going to jump into the NCIS pool, now seems the perfect time to take the plunge. Join me, won't you?

Ooh, I almost forgot! At the end of all this, I'll also be including a little recap goodness on the new NCIS: New Orleans spin-off — what? It stars Scott Bakula, so, um, duh! — and we're going to do the mother of all swag giveaways to celebrate the season launch! Yes, my latest releases will go up for grabs along with some other exclusive goodies, because, come on, we're all, like, NCIS-watching besties now, dishing on our love for all things Gibbs, and what good is having a bestie who happens to be an author if she can't score you a signed book or three and some swag to go with?

But first? Our season-opening murder of the week unfolds …

… in Russia!

It was a dark and stormy night as our Russian secret agent dude enters a tea room and sits down to have a chat with a man we learn is the multilingual Sergei. Turns out, Sergei is the guy who sicced Israeli terrorist Ari Haswari on NCIS. You remember him: He was the guy who took out our beloved Agent Caitlin Todd at the end of season two. But according to Russian Secret Agent Dude, because of Sergei's personal attachment to Ari, Sergei now has an "unhealthy interest in the American agency, NCIS." We also learn that NCIS has an agent currently in Moscow. Hmm …. shall we guess which one? I'm starting with Tony. It's either him or Gibbs, but my money is on it being Super Special Agent DiNozzo. Turns out Russian Secret Agent Dude is table-slappingly upset that the utterly unruffled Sergei-of-many-linguals has been following said NCIS agent. Sergei reassures RSAD that he has no interest in ruffling Mother Russia's feathers. His plans for NCIS remain personal. "Deeply personal," he intones, as he shifts a photo of Gibbs to the top of the pile.

Cue theme music! We might not have a dead body — yet! — but we're back. And it's ON, babies. Ohhhh, it's on!

Episode title: Twenty Klicks

Cue D.C. headquarters and Director Leon chatting with Gibbs in his office, as he shows him photos of one of their IT techs, Kevin Hussein. Seems IT Kevin was in Russia to see an ill, now-deceased family member and felt he was being watched. A wryly smiling Gibbs is all "Uh, it is Russia, Leon," but Leon thinks there's more to it. My only thought at this point is that Kevin looks like he's possibly related to the scruffy Sergei, but who knows? IT Kev was spooked enough by the possible, uh, spookage, to go directly to the American Embassy in Moscow and, due to his extensive knowledge of our naval bases and other IT whatnot, he now needs his hand held for the ride home. (Also? We were all wrong about which agent was in Russia. IT Kevin for the win! Yeah. Nobody got that.) So, who goes to extract him? Leon tells us that the SecNav (secretary of the Navy, if you're just joining us) chose Gibbs. Yes, the same Gibbs that Sergei is all but drooling over in his desire to kill him. How convenient.

Shift downstairs as our crime-fighting trio — McGee, Bishop, and the closely cropped and exceedingly svelte DiNozzo — all look at the Screen of All Relevant Information and chat about how IT Kevin was largely responsible for their being able to snag the world's No. 1 cyberterrorist some seasons back. Gibbs informs the triad that one of them will be accompanying him to Russia. We learn that McGee has just returned from an extended vacay in Dubai with the lovely Delilah and feels far too post-vacay sluggish, whilst Tony reveals that he's recently returned from Spain where he might have popped a rib running with the bulls. Leaving Bishop to reveal she spent the summer on a fruitless house-hunt foray with her husband and — despite Tony's sotto voce comment that one never volunteers for these things — quite perkily offers to accompany her boss. Alas, only senior agents are cleared to go and it looks like — nope, I get skunked again and go 0-for-2 as McGee gets the nod. Or the rock-paper-scissors win, as it happens.

Cut to our Embassy in Moscow, where an immensely relieved IT Kev is hugging McGee with his profuse, babbling thanks, then does the big gulp when he sees Gibbs is also there. Ruh roh. IT Kev assures Gibbs he didn't want to impose, but that he's quite certain he wasn't paranoid about being tailed. And then we're on a chopper, heading home, everything all cleared with the Russian government, easy peasy.

Really? Yeah. No. A little chitchat with the pilots, some beef jerky for Gibbs, a barf bag for IT Kevin, and then suddenly there's a ground-to-air missile headed their way. Ah, that's more like it, Russia. (Interesting to note that a mere season ago, this Russian plot would have been merely a pluck-a-country-from-the-evil-empire-list kind of story arc, but given the current real-life situation between Russia and the U.S., suddenly it's not so … fictional.)

The pilots dodge and parry, but take a hit to the tail and the last we see before commercial break is the bird heading for the water and the pilots urging a unsurprisingly calm Gibbs and company to brace for impact.

So much for taking an easy or light-hearted slide into the new season.

We return to Leon, Bishop and DiNozzo in MTAC, listening to the last transmission from the pilots and being informed that was the last contact that was made with anyone on board. Twelve minutes have elapsed since, but no distress signal or recorder ping. Even for the professionals they are, everyone seems to be taking this news with alarming calm. Where's Abby? We need a good, honest freak-out. Leon's all "Get me the Russian Embassy" as we cut to the site of the crash. Gibbs is face-down in the dirt, but alive … only to lift his head to find a snarling wolf in his face and his gun out of reach, several yards away. (Because it's not bad enough to have just survived a helicopter crash with nothing more than a weeny pad around your neck.) He pokes a stick at the wolf, but a staggering Tim does have a gun and uses it to scare off the beast. They are remarkably relatively unscathed, but the same cannot be said of the pilots, both of whom are still in the cockpit of the chopper. One appears to have not survived the crash and the other isn't far from meeting the same fate. McGee extracts an extinguisher and puts out the small fires, then scans the interior, spotlighting a dead crew member … and no IT Kevin. But, after a "here, Kevin, Kevin, Kevin" shout from McGee, up he pops from behind a rock and all attention turns to saving the remaining pilot.

Cut back to NCIS and Director Leon talking to Russian Embassy Dude, who — oh, lookee! — also happens to be our Russian Secret Agent Dude. You know, the one who didn't want anyone else tailing the American NCIS agent because he wanted that pleasure all to himself. Imagine that. He denies any knowledge of the downed chopper and claims Russia had nothing to do with it but that he'll get right on finding out who did. Riiight. He also assures he will send planes for recovery. "Rescue," Leon corrects him. "Yes," slimy Embassy Dude assures him. "Of course." Then adds they should "sit tight." Lockjaw Leon's all, "No one is sitting tight. Let's go." Go get 'em, Director!

Back at the chopper … Gibbs has the pilot out of the cockpit and is addressing her very nasty-looking and quite probably life-threatening wounds as he directs IT Kevin to put his geek powers to work and find a way for them to communicate from their crash site, deep in the forest. Injured pilot tells them that the border of Finland is about 20 klicks away, aaaaand, there's our episode title. Noises are heard, could the bad guys be coming to finish the job? The injured pilot urges them to leave, but Gibbs — after grilling IT Kev on who was after him, to no avail — assures her they aren't going anywhere.

Back at headquarters, we finally get our Abby, Jimmy, and Ducky moment, but they are past any freak-out and are deep into the "find any loose thread" part of the search-and-rescue-from-afar mission. Then Abby's all, "The missile," and paces out of the room without further elaboration.

Back at the crash site, our injured pilot is still propped up against the chopper as Sergei and Team Bad Guys wander in from the forest deep. We don't know where the rest of the crew is, but if Gibbs said they weren't leaving, then I'm guessing they're there somewhere. Sergei takes a gander at the passenger manifest and is told they were all thrown from the chopper during the crash. He tells the pilot that the truth will save her life, and she points to her right, as one of Team Bad Guys finds blood on a pine tree bough to her left. Off they go, leaving her to bleed to death.

Back at Abby Lab, she's listening to the missile hitting the helicopter, and we get our Abby freak-out moment, in a controlled kind of way. However, in true Abs fashion, she, along with one of her fellow geek pals, has been able to figure out which missile was used, and where and who might have used one of them on us.

Back at the crash site, one of Team Bad Guy is still digging around the chopper and taunting the dying pilot, but Gibbs dispatches him when he gets a little too close to her. IT Kevin is all, "Never seen anyone killed before," and Gibbs is all, "Want to see another one? Tell me what he was looking for." But before we find that out, the pilot takes a turn for the worse, then we're back with Leon, who is talking to SecNav about their frustration with the Russian Embassy and the rescue mission. Nothing comes of that, but Ducky, who was tasked with calling IT Kev's family to tell them of his missing status, enters to tell Leon that in his attempt to fulfill that duty, he has discovered that the only remaining family is a sister in Buffalo who knows nothing about Kev's trips to Moscow to see this supposedly dying uncle. The uncle, it turns out, is legit, but as far as Buffalo Sister knows, he's in remission. A very sort of oddly restrained and deliberate Ducky tells Leon he's taken the liberty of tracking down the uncle's body and is having it transported to his morgue for further investigation.

At the chopper site once more, we lose our final pilot, then the dead Bad Guys' radio goes off, as IT Kevin is urging them to head toward Finland. As Sergei radios that they're coming back, Gibbs takes his weapon and out they go.

It's Ducky's turn again, and we learn that the body of the deceased uncle has a few unexplained bullet holes in it. Hunh. We need answers, indeed, Leon. Ducky finds a big one when he removes a micro disk card from the cadaver. Looks like Uncle was used as a mule. I guess that's what Sergei is looking for?

It's daylight back on the Trek to the Finnish Border, and the trekking is slow. IT Kevin runs out of water and — you know, I get that he's supposed to be socially awkward or something, but he just comes off as this kind of offhanded ass instead. At first I thought that was some kind of hidden character clue, but now I'm thinking it's just bad acting. This opinion gains additional weight when Gibbs finally gets Kevin to confess to what's really going on, and he just sort of goes, "Sure, OK, it's like this …" I mean, it all feels a little numb or something. Anyway — he reveals that Sergei approached him about getting him some weapon info for a very large sum of money that Kevin thought would help his uncle with the medical expenses. Only he chickened out and then found his uncle has been shot to death, so he hid the info in the body and shipped it home, then took off for the Embassy. Turns out, if anyone plugs the micro disk into a computer, it's virus Armageddon. Also? Only he can deactivate it. Oh, Kevin.

Back to Abby, who is inspecting said Armageddon Disk. Fortunately, Abby ain't no dummy, so she uses a superprotected machine to examine the disk … only turns out, Kevin wasn't kidding about the Armageddon thing. It eats right through all the internal and external protection she set up and sets about destroying their entire system. Score 1 for Sergei.

A return to FinlandTrek finds McGee getting a signal on the sat phone he took from the dead Team Bad Guy, and they get through to Tony. McGee gets their crash coordinates to him before Sergei's sniper shoots the phone from his hand and Kevin takes a through-and-through in the thigh. Hiding behind a log, it seems they are outnumbered. Sergei wants to know which one of the three killed Ari, a radio conversation Gibbs hears on the downed phone, and he rolls into sniper position. Go, Jethro! Gibbs takes out their shooter, then the three run-stumble like hell. Back at the NCIS ranch, the team is relieved to know the three are alive and Tony heads off to a fueled-up jet waiting to take him over to help with the rescue.

Back at Trek to Finland, it's nightfall and they've made camp, with an ever-whining Kevin and a grumpy Gibbs, who makes me very happy by cauterizing Kevin's wound with a hot knife, then dragging his ass out of camp, while leaving a signal fire behind sure to catch Sergei's attention. Also? Shut up, Kevin.

Operation Lockdown Virus continues back in D.C. as Sergei and crew roll into Gibbs' camp and shoot up a bunch of tarp-covered dummies. Gibbs tosses a grenade under their Jeep as they realize they just killed a bunch of nothing, and onward our intrepid threesome go, Finland, ho!

Back at Base Camp D.C., Bishop has gotten her husband to patch her computer through to the NSA system so she can work outside and around the in-house virus issue. Working via satellite, they track the three down via heat sensor as they make their final stumbling dash toward the border, being heavily pursued by Sergei and Team Rapidly Dwindling Bad Guys. Our intrepid threesome reach a road, which is where Gibbs decides to send the other two onward and double back to be a distraction to their pursuers. All of this is done with decided weary calm, and I get it, but it's feeling a little phoned in, and I wish there was a greater feeling of gravitas instead of "eh, whatever."

We learn from Sergei they are 2 klicks from the border, as Gibbs reduces Team Bad Guy by yet another man. Sergei and Gibbs end up in a high-noon standoff on the road, just as Tony rides in to save the day. He already has McGee and Kevin. Sergei lifts his gun to fire as Tony pulls Gibbs toward the truck. Gibbs drops Sergei, then wants to take off back into the woods to retrieve the chopper crew, but Tony urges him into the truck, saying they will get the crew out later. All is well. Team Bad Guy is wiped out, including their leader. Global virus crisis averted.

Cut to Gibbs' basement back home, and the small radio-controlled boat he rescued from a box of his father's things at the end of the season last year, when the elder Gibbs was laid to rest. When we last left this project, Gibbs was drawing up plans to build a life-size version of the model boat. We see he's made headway on the hull, as he gets back to work on it. Enter Leon, who informs him they are still cleaning up the damage from the virus. Kevin is being helpful but will be spending a long time in a Navy brig for his crimes. Then he gets to the real reason for his visit. Talking about Sergei, and how his deal with Kevin was likely just a cover, a means for him to gain access to NCIS in retaliation for Haswari's death. Bingo! Gibbs, sporting a superclose shaved haircut there, dude, calmly informs Leon that "his plan backfired." No. Leon tells him that their intel is that Sergei didn't die of those gunshot wounds Gibbs inflicted upon him. "There's a good chance he's gunning for us." Gibbs takes the photo of Sergei, walks over, and punches it over a nail on the wall. "Not if we find him first."

And? Welcome Season 12's Big Bad.

Roll credits.

Whew! And there you have it. We're ON! Are you in? I know I am. But wait! Did you just see the scenes from next week? Cue the romance! Only … it's Abby who gets the early-season heart palpitations. I'm a huge fan of that plan!

As promised, I caught up on the season opener of NCIS: New Orleans, too. Now, I'm a fan of the original spin-off, NCIS: LA, and I was intrigued by the spin-off premise last year for NCIS: Red. Though the LA incarnation is going strong (despite the, I feel, horrifying decision to boot it over to Monday nights in the supercrowded 10 ET slot. I mean, sure, give your new star vehicle a shot by pairing it with the granddaddy, but shoving it against Blacklist and Castle? Seriously?) Red, however, was short-lived. So, the juggernaut isn't bulletproof. However, this go-round, Mark Harmon signed on along with Shane Brennan to executive produce, and it looks like a lot more thought was put into the production. My favorite part? They're filming in New Orleans, making it a full-blown character part of the show. Love that. My grandmother was born there, so I have a soft spot for the place. That alone earned it a must-see for me. But location alone does not a decent NCIS spin-off make. Fortunately, they locked in a great cast, with Bakula and CCH Pounder as solid anchors, and the premise works. Surprisingly for me, Bakula's character, Dwayne "King" Pride, is the one I had the harder time connecting with. Not that there was anything wrong with the character, and there's nothing wrong with Bakula … I just don't know if I see those two things as being right for each other. I'm happy to give it time, though. What about you? Thumbs up? Must-see? Must DVR? Eh, not sure? Inquiring (OK, nosy) TV reviewer wants ta know!

In fact, you can tell me all about it when you drop me an e-mail to donna@donnakauffman.com to enter this week's Swagapalooza Season Premiere Giveaway contest! What can you score? Well, there are six giveaways this week! Yes, SIX winners. (It's not a palooza unless we're talking multiple winners, you know?)

Up for grabs is a signed trade paperback copy of each of my Bachelors of Blueberry Cove books, Pelican Point, Half Moon Harbor and Sandpiper Island. AND each of them will come with their own special brand of swag. Pelican Point will come with it's own canvas tote bag. Half Moon Harbor will arrive with a specially designed charm pendant, exclusive to this series from the fabulously talented Joyce Taber of The Cotton Thistle fame. And Sandpiper Island will be paired with a fabulous charm bookmark, also designed by Joyce. I know! To read more about the entire series, start here.

What? That's only three prizes, you say? Hey, can't get anything over on you! In addition to the above swagtastic prizes, there will also be an audiobook given away for each of the three books mentioned above. Check out Audible for more on those and the rest of my audiobook titles!

Now THAT is palooza-worthy! So hurry up and enter already. I'll announce the winners right here in next week's recap. Then drop me a line with "I want a Blueberry Cove Palooza Prize" in the subject line, and if you have a prize preference, mention that, too. And, as always, dish a little while you're at it, if so inclined. I'll see all of you back here next week!