'NCIS' recap by Donna Kauffman: Rule No. 9

Our two-week breakup is over, and we're back with our favorite crew of super special agents. Can you believe we're already counting down to the season finale? Well, let's not go there just yet. Tonight we have a McGee and Delilah story, and I'm all about having our long-distance lovebirds reunited for my TV-viewing pleasure. Yes, it's all about me. Isn't it all about you, too? I know. We're demanding like that.

So … we open in the dark of night, country music playing on the pickup radio as our murder of the week climbs out of the cab and answers her cell phone. Oh, sure, she's not murdered yet or anything, but we know where this is going, don't we? She's arguing with someone about her prowess with power tools as we see the about-to-be perp sneak into the garage behind her. Ruh roh. Down goes the garage door, off go the lights, and … yep, down goes our power-tool-savvy now-dead chick.

Cue opening credits and awesome theme song!

We shift to McGee and Random Blond Babe Agent sauntering into the super special agent bullpen of orangey goodness. Maybe it's more of a flounce. Yep, definitely flouncy. There's some low-grade double entendre flirting going on, but Agent Flouncy saunters back out again, all arm-swingy and smiling, but no harm, no foul. So far. We've got our eyes on you, McGee! No hanky, no panky. Tony and Bishop also have their eyes on McGee and the flirtation situation. Bishop thinks harmless flirting will keep McGee in fighting flirting form for when his main squeeze returns from Dubai. Me? I'm thinking, slippery slope. Gibbs walks in and finishes Bishop's advice with "keep the tool sharp" then admits he has no idea what they're talking about. And he doesn't want to know, dead body in off-base housing to attend to and all that. "Look sharp. Tools," he adds as they clear out. Heh.

Turns out our dead power-tool wielder is married to a Marine gunnery sergeant, currently deployed on a mission working with the Iraqi army. They find her bag of drill bits from the hardware store. "Late-night hankering for wood work?" Tony wants to know. "It happens," says Gibbs. So, it's going to be that kind of episode, is it? Oh goodie! Marine hubby just got back from Iraq and is due at the house momentarily. Aaand, we hear him before we see him, jumping in the local PD officer's face in the front yard. Gibbs steps out of the garage and has to get in gunnery's face to calm him down. We see the fear in gunnery's face and realize he has a suspicion things might be about to go really badly for him. He is shown his dead wife, but rather than get all teary, he looks to the heavens and says, "Thank you." Over and over. Didn't see that coming. Then we find out that he's thankful … because dead chick in his garage? Not his wife. Ah.

We come back from commercial to find Gunnery still being kind of a … um … pain. Yeah, that's the word I'm thinking. He's back a week early as a spousal surprise, but can't locate his wife, sees a mess in the living room, food remains on the coffee table, someone clearly having slept on the couch, tells our team his wife is a vegan, personal trainer and a neat freak, so that mess is not something that would be happening in his house. They discover all of her training equipment is gone, and someone had tried — and failed — to get into his personal safe.

Back in Abby Lab, we find out our slovenly, murdering, thieving houseguest has already done time for breaking and entering. Lovely lass. Missing wife, as it happens, is at a health spa, while remaining umbilically attached to social media, thereby allowing anyone who cares (like our murdering, thieving, houseguest) to see that hubby is deployed, and nobody is home. Wifey is on the way home as we shift to Ducky's Digs and our dead thieving houseguest. Gibbs comes in as Ducky waxes rhapsodic about the "cesspool of questionable human behavior" on social media. "Just like your day job," Gibbs replies. Oh, Jethro is on fire with the comebacks tonight, folks! We learn the murder weapon was a dull knife, and that Ducky found a scrap of paper with blood and some kind of symbol printed on it that had been tucked in her bra post-mortem. "Killer with a cause," says Gibbs. "Killer with a logo," rejoins Ducky. Rim shot! They'll be here all week!

We shift to interrogation where Tony is grilling our Dead Thieving Houseguest's brother, who used to share her penchant for stealing things, only now he's gone straight, so he doesn't connect with her much anymore. Tony admires the straight-and-narrow bro's very expensive wristwatch, but bro claims he bought that watch and that he has an alibi for the murder time. He was out with a prostitute named Daisy, who has a big Daisy Duck tattoo all over her, uh, chest. So … straight, maybe, but not so narrow, then. Enter Gibbs with the bloody paper scrap. Bro has never seen that symbol before. McGee interrupts to tell Gibbs he thinks he knows what the symbol is, but needs to make a call. And yay! Finally we see Delilah, who is happy to be hearing from Tim, only she's confused as she thought their "super sexy Skype night" was later in the week. Yeah, some things I don't need to imagine. And I'm not talking about Delilah. McGee sends her a photo of the symbol and wonders if it is a dragon's tooth, as that is the name of a terrorist group Delilah mentioned she was monitoring. She is instantly wary and wondering where he might have gotten that, as the symbol was not publicly known. He's in the middle of explaining when Agent Flouncy strolls by and wonders if, by chance, that extra key to his place is available while she's waiting to get paid so she can put her down payment on her new place. McGee manages to cover the phone, shoo Flouncy away, only to have Delilah tell him that Dead Thieving Houseguest's murder was an act of domestic terrorism and demands a meeting with the NCIS via MTAC. Oh, and one other question Delilah wants to know: Why does some chick need the extra key to Timmy's place, hmm? Oh, McGee.

Back from commercial, we're in MTAC, with Delilah on one side of the wall screen, and Gibbs, McGee and Director Vance on the other. They're talking terrorist tracking and the like, when super hunky Homeland Security agent guy comes on Delilah's side of the screen and joins in the convo, all with his hand ever so comfortably placed on the seated Delilah's shoulder. McGee is distracted by this, to say the least. We learn that the guy who committed the murder has been more of a cyberterrorist, inciting fear in military families stateside, but never actually doing anything in person. Until now. Only instead of terrorizing a gunnery sergeant's wife, he killed a thief. Super hunky agent doesn't seem to hold our NCIS team in high regard, or any regard. In fact, he seems rather ubercasual about the whole thing. Before they can question further, he ends transmission.

We move to the conference room with Tony, Bishop, our attitudinal gunnery sergeant and his trainer wife. Things are testy as they look over her social media contact list trying to determine how our cyberterrorist hooked in on her friends' list. They bicker back and forth over certain names on the list, with Gunnery being the, uh, bickiest, but eventually they land on a name that neither of them recognize. We move to the bullpen of orangey goodness where McGee has been texting Delilah since the previous night with no response. He's continued to dig, however, and found out the cyberterrorist who killed DTH happens to be a distant cousin to the terrorist partly responsible for the bomb that put Delilah in that wheelchair. Ooh, thickening plot. My favorite kind! They are cousins with no known connection, but it wasn't on Homeland Hunk's transmitted info. McGee wants to know why he'd leave a tidbit like that out, and Gibbs wants to know why Delilah left that part out. Gibbs fields a call from Abby and takes off. Tony comes in and mentions to McGee that he's texted with Delilah about Agent Flouncy, and not to worry, he cleared that whole thing up. HA!

Down in Abby Lab, Abby tells Gibbs the subpoena to get info on the Unknown Friend on Trainer Wife's social media account paid off. (The social media site is named "EveryoneIEverMet.com. Heh.) Turns out Unknown Friend is actually Cyberterrorist Guy. He never contacted Trainer Wife directly, but he has been having an ongoing chat with someone else, politically themed, and they're set to meet in an hour. Out the door goes Gibbs. We are now with Gibbs, McGee, Tony and Bishop in a slummy old apartment building that is supposedly the meeting site. They're trying to determine the best way to talk themselves into the apartment when a pizza delivery guy comes up the stairs and provides them with the perfect answer.

In the apartment, guy with questionable hair is playing video games when a knock on the door and Bishop's "pizza" interrupt. He didn't order pizza, but decides to answer the door anyway. The questionable hair is apparently the clue to his questionable IQ. The team gains entry. No one else is home. Come to find out Cyberterrorist is Questionable IQ's roomie. Found him on Craigslist, knows nothing else about him. QIQ tells them his roomie was supposed to be at home, had some kind of meeting, but isn't there, so maybe meeting hasn't happened yet. Tony escorts QIQ out, and the rest of the team awaits Cyberterrorist Roomie, or whoever he is supposed to be meeting, or both. Sounds in the hallway, pounding on the door, they fling it open, guns drawn to find … Delilah in a wheelchair and an ICE team, also with guns drawn. Much "put it down!" shouting goes on from both sides, but finally that happens and no one dies. Yet.

So much for Delilah being in Dubai. And we're only halfway through the ep!

Back from commercial, turns out Delilah was undercover as the person Cyberterrorist has been chatting with online this whole time. She was who CyberT was supposed to be meeting, only apparently he got spooked and took off. McGee finds out she's been back in the States for a week, but she couldn't tell him. He asks where she's been staying just as Homeland Hunk comes through the door, all not respecting Vance, who has to point out to HH who he's calling "agent." He apologizes, but I still don't like the guy. HH is not happy because NCIS piggybacked on to his op and spooked the guy they'd been setting up for weeks. He explains that he didn't tell them what was going on to protect his op, and his operative, which he emphasizes by putting his hand quite familiarly on Delilah's shoulder again. McGee thinks he's more about protecting who got credit for the collar than anything else. Bishop finds nothing in the apartment tied to CyberT except a bag of "home movies," which HH would like to see "in the spirit of cooperation." Yeah. Right.

We get a short scene with McGee and Tony transporting the movies into headquarters, with Tony giving McGee, who has been smothering the still unresponsive Delilah with a cavalcade of texts and phone calls, relationship advice. Me, I'm thinking, first off, relationship advice from Tony? Maybe when he's been in a committed relationship for more than half a season. And secondly, aren't McGee and Delilah past the game-playing, cat-and-mouse portion of their relationship? No answer to that is forthcoming as we go directly to MTAC with Vance, McGee, Tony and Homeland Hunk watching the movies CyberT recorded while breaking into multiple houses. HH says he didn't know about that multiple houses part. "Honestly this time." CyberT's filming himself inside homes, doing mundane things, just to put terror into people, making them see how vulnerable they are. All of them are military homes. HH says in the communication between Delilah and CyberT the latter never mentioned any of his movie-making, housebreaking forays. He's apparently stockpiling the films for greater shock value when he finally posts them online. "Easier to get away with a crime when no one knows you're doing it," says McGee, pointedly. Go, Timmy!

In one clip, there is someone else holding the camera which sends Gibbs out of the room to presumably get Abby started trying to find any trace of who that accomplice might be. HH demands to be in on it. Vance calls out an unenthusiastic, "Gibbs, stop, don't," as Gibbs closes the door behind himself, then looks back at HH and deadpans, "Damn. He's so fast." HA! HH isn't happy, but we are. HH is all, "I'll report this to my superiors," but Vance cuts him off with, "Already done," then exits stage left. Double ha! This leaves HH and Timmy alone in MTAC. Ruh roh. HH makes a point of telling McGee that Delilah requested separate rooms, seeing as the two are staying together now that they are back in the States. He could tell McGee was concerned, then gives him a friendly shoulder pat before he leaves. Why, I oughta … Smarmy do… uh, gooder.

Bishop and Tony are digging through all the communication between Delilah and CyberT. Bishop thinks Delilah is a badass for integrating what put her in the wheelchair into her undercover persona, making CyberT think she was ripe for soldier recruitment, even going so far as to use personal information, including her long-distance relationship. Tony is only sorry he hasn't gotten that far yet. We shift to Abby Lab as she digs through the movie clips with McGee. They finally find a small clip of the fingertips of the person holding the camera, touching a bannister. Fingerprints! Turns out, they belong to none other than our pizza delivery guy! And, apparently, part-time terrorist assistant! He's all, "It's good money, and no one gets hurt," and they're all shoving photos of Dead Thieving Houseguest under his nose. He claims CyberT panicked when they realized someone was there and killed her. Dim Bulb Pizza Guy ends up with a patented, and perhaps slightly harder than normal, head slap from Gibbs, but this doesn't elicit any real new information. Until he thinks to reveal that, oh yeah, CyberT is obsessed with this DOD chick who is stuck in a wheelchair and wants revenge for the bomb that put her there.

Gibbs wants to use Delilah as bait to bring in CyberT, but McGee needs to talk to her first. With all that's been going on, they've not talked at all, not personally. We shift to McGee entering the apartment she's been staying in since her return. Our two lovebirds take their turn bickering, to the point of their relationship being on the brink of being over when there's a knock on the door. McGee thinks it's HH (except I'm pretty sure he has a key to his own place) and opens the door to — say it with me now — CyberT. Who is holding a gun. Fade to black and white.

Back from commercial, night has fallen as Agent Flouncy saunters into the bullpen looking for McGee, but finding only Tony, who is all too happy to see her. He mentions he'd have lent her his spare key if not for that whole committed relationship thing he happens to be in. Flouncy departs, unmoved by his offer. Gibbs enters. Tony tells him that HH is on the way up, as unhappy about using Delilah as bait as McGee, whom neither of them has heard from in some time. Gibbs calls him, but McGee's phone goes straight to voice mail. We go straight to the stash house, where Delilah and McGee are tied up while CyberT stalks about, waving his gun and his British accent. Back at HQ, HH and Flouncy depart the elevator, all shared smiles and "call me, HH"ness. Tony and Bishop want to know the stash house location, and HH makes the mistake of saying, "Need to know" right before Gibbs strong-arms him directly into the elevator. Couldn't happen to a nicer do— guy.

Back at the stash house, we get couples counseling masquerading as the pair trying to persuade CyberT that Delilah is on his side. He doesn't know what to believe, but he knows he'd really like to shoot McGee. Delilah talks him down. Or so she thinks. He cracks McGee on the side of his head with his gun, then cuts Delilah free, hands her his gun and tells her to prove she's on his side by shooting McGee. As Gibbs and company close in, we have Delilah pointing a gun at McGee while CyberT points a gun at her, and all of it being captured on film. McGee tells her it's a test, to pull the trigger. She knows he's trying to send her some kind of signal, but isn't sure. She finally tosses the gun down, unable to shoot and McGee is all, "What are you doing, the gun's not loaded, he wouldn't give you a loaded weapon," and she's all, "How was I supposed to know that?" And he's all, "I used the word 'test,' that was the plan," and she's all, "That wasn't my plan, this was my plan" and whips a knife from her boot as CyberT comes to retrieve his gun and she stabs him in the leg. HA! CyberT drops his gun, stumbles to the ground, where he and McGee grapple and try to be the first to reach the loaded gun as the apartment door crashes open, and it's Gibbs and company to the rescue!

Tony wants to know who clubbed McGee, CyberT or Delilah. Bishop asks about the knife, and Delilah says, "Rule No. 9, I listen," then tells McGee they need to work on their communication. He cuts her off with quite the manly man lip-lock, then says, "Hello" into her now smiling face. So, that works. Back in the bullpen the following morning, a smiling McGee is typing away, as Tony and Bishop look on from her desk. They think McGee put his work flirt to work on Delilah and got "McLucky" (that from Tony) as Agent Flouncy struts in next to … Delilah. Clearly they are finishing up a conversation about that spare house key, but both women are smiling. Only, it's not the house key or the work flirts. Turns out Flouncy just wanted the low-down on Homeland Hunk. Tony opines that Agent Flouncy is either really complicated or "super simple." She flounces off, once again, unimpressed. Heh. Then we hear that HH has been suspended for gross negligence, Delilah has been made team leader, aaaand her new office will be right there in D.C. So, a super happy ending for all. And I'm all about that. Gibbs strolls in and tells the lovebirds to get a room. Delilah smiles at McGee and says, "I already have one." Ahhh. Spring is in the air on NCIS!

Let's keep the happy endings going, shall we? Last we met, I put an advance copy of my May 26 release, Sea Glass Sunrise, up for grabs. And the lucky winner is? Come on down, Kimberly Wright! Send me an address to dmkauffman1@gmail.com and I'll get your prize out to you!

Now, now, of course I haven't forgotten the rest of you. Shhh, don't tell Kimberly, but this week, I have another advance copy of Sea Glass Sunrise AND a matching canvas book tote to go with. I know! Want in? Drop me an e-mail to dmkauffman1@gmail.com with "Sea Glass Sunrise AND a book tote? Pick ME!" in the subject line. That's all there is to it. Well, you can add in any NCIS dish you care to share. I'll announce the winner at the end of next week's recap. (I can't be all hunting you down, so don't forget to tune in right here next week to see if you're the Big Winner!) In the meantime, drop on by my Facebook Fan Page for all the day-to-day crazy and extra goodie giveaways!