Holly Robinson Peete's balancing act

Seeking a quiet refuge inside her Southern California home, Holly Robinson Peete retreats to her bedroom to take a call, but as usual, she finds she’s not alone. Two dogs and her youngest son want to snuggle with her in bed. A third dog, too big to join them, camps on the floor below.

This kind of crowd, and the chaos that comes with it, is the norm for Robinson Peete, 52, a longtime actress, author and health advocate. As mother to four kids ages 11 to 19, including a teen with autism, she often feels more like a “hot mommy mess” than like her famous public persona.

A television crew recently added to the din, turning the already hectic Peete family home into the set of For Peete’s Sake, an OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network docu-series that will air its second season in early 2017. The show tracks Robinson Peete (Chicago Fire, Mike & Molly, Hangin’ with Mr. Cooper, 21 Jump Street) and her husband, former NFL quarterback Rodney Peete, as they navigate celebrity life, serious health concerns and a complex household that includes a new roommate — Robinson Peete’s opinionated, tattooed 80-year-old mother (and former manager), Dolores Robinson.

The show keeps the “real” in reality television, Robinson Peete says, depicting moments both funny and fierce. For example, one scene from the first season catches Robinson Peete uncorking a wine bottle with her teeth when she is desperate for a glass. In the second episode she schools RJ, her 19-year-old special-needs son, on how a young, black man must act if stopped by the police. Her nightmare, she says, is that RJ’s autism would prevent him from understanding critical cues from officers.

Not every family member jumped at the chance to do the show, Robinson Peete concedes. The kids worried that publicly exposing private family flaws might cause friction that would divide their tight unit. But Robinson Peete assured them that they would survive the spotlight and help others in the process.

“We have issues, we have problems that we resolve together and there’s a value in showing and sharing that, especially when it comes to our special-needs son,” she says.

In the show, she openly shares RJ’s challenges and triumphs, as well as other family health issues that have shaped her life.

Robinson Peete’s dad, Matt Robinson, now deceased, suffered from Parkinson’s disease for two decades; Rodney may face brain trauma from too many hits on the field; RJ’s twin sister, Ryan, has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, known as ADHD; and all four kids, including younger brothers Robinson and Roman, have allergies, some so severe that Robinson Peete stashes EpiPens throughout the house. Even Harriet, the family’s autism service dog, recently underwent eye surgery.

How does she handle it all?

Sometimes, a quick getaway with Rodney in the “shaggin’ wagon,” aka the family car, provides a little respite and precious privacy. And she jokes that she has a secret for dealing with her kids: “I try hard to embarrass them. It’s fun and it’s so easy — just dance.”

But ultimately, when your life is this full, she says, “You have to be a superwoman, because that’s your job.”

Robinson Peete first donned her superhero cape when her father at 46 was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease, a degenerative brain disorder. A show business veteran, Robinson was a producer and writer on The Cosby Show and originated the role of Gordon on Sesame Street. Simultaneously caring for him and her then- infant twins thrust Robinson Peete into the “sandwich generation.”

Coping with her father’s disease was “financially, emotionally draining,” Robinson Peete recalls, “I’m glad I did it, and I took care of him until the very end, but it was so, so, so, so hard.”

Families with fewer resources would be hit even harder, she realized, and Rodney urged her to share her expertise, telling her, “You have a big mouth; you should use it for good.” So in 1997, the Peetes co-founded the nonprofit HollyRod Foundation, which provides financial and emotional support to underserved families affected by Parkinson’s disease and autism.

But her experience with her father’s chronic illness didn’t fortify Robinson Peete for the heartbreak of RJ’s diagnosis of autism, a disorder affecting at least 1 in 68 children, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (A recent government survey of 12,000 parents suggests a higher incidence of 1 in 45.)

Boys are affected by autism five times as often as girls. At 2 years old, RJ stopped connecting with his twin sister, while she continued to hit developmental milestones on target.

Then came the “Never Day.” A developmental pediatrician predicted that RJ would never speak and “was never going to pretty much do anything or be anything,” Robinson Peete says. “The Never Day was the worst day because we had absolutely no hope.”

Robinson Peete “sobbed for about 30 days straight,” mourning the future she’d previously imagined for her son. The diagnosis created a deep rift with Rodney, who struggled to overcome his own grief. But with autism, parents don’t have the luxury of mourning for long, Robinson Peete says.

“It’s OK to feel sorry for yourself, but then you have to roll up your sleeves and get to work because you have a very small window of time where you can get an early intervention and that’s going to give your kid the best chance of success.”

Today, RJ not only speaks, but in the season premiere of For Peete’s Sake, he says that he “never stops talking.” His mom is his hero, along with the late rapper Tupac Shakur. And he recently landed his first real job as a clubhouse attendant for the Los Angeles Dodgers, which prompted accolades from mom: “He’s so cute in his Dodger blue.”

But even superheroes sometimes have very human doubts and Robinson Peete feels guilty that RJ didn’t see specialists earlier.

“To this day, I am haunted by that one year when my kid was 2, and I knew it. My mommy gut was telling me that something was off with him,” she says. “I still look at this kid and go, ‘I wonder who he would be if I had got him that early intervention between 2 and 3.’”

Another source of regret: She was so absorbed with RJ’s needs that she didn’t realize that her daughter had ADHD until she was 12. Robinson Peete knew Ryan could be distracted and had some social conflicts at school, but she didn’t recognize these as red flags.

“I’m embarrassed. I thought she was being stubborn,” she says.

Now, the family faces another potential health challenge and Robinson Peete vows to be proactive. A recent MRI exam revealed that Rodney, 50, has brain lesions that may indicate chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a degenerative disease caused by repetitive head trauma. So far he shows no symptoms (the disease can only be diagnosed posthumously), but the finding is disturbing. Rodney has already lost friends and teammates to CTE.

“If this is something we’re going to be dealing with down the line, then I need to know everything about it and we’re going to attack that just like we did Parkinson’s and autism,” she says. The Peetes have joined a Harvard University effort to study the health concerns of former football players.

With so many balls in the air, sometimes you drop some and that’s OK, Robinson Peete says: “Tomorrow’s another day to get it right.”

But successful juggling requires taking care of yourself and being organized, she says, so she wakes at 5 a.m. to exercise and grab an hour alone. Dreams of a private “mom cave” were nixed when she moved Dolores into the former guest house. So, for now, her dining room still serves as “the war room” to prep for a 600-person fundraiser to support her “fifth child,” the HollyRod Foundation.

Especially during fundraiser season, Robinson Peete relies on the family quarterback to get in the game.

“I tell my kids, ‘Don’t look at me. I don’t want to solve any problems. Go see your daddy.’ ”

One recent day’s very long to-do list included calls to beg celebrity pals to attend a gown fitting, a trip to her production offices — oh, and the constant pledge to bring down her stress level.

“The bottom line is I’m the CEO of this joint,” she says. “I have to keep myself healthy. To not keep myself healthy and to not stay up on everything … is a disservice to my family.”