'Orange is the New Black' binge recap: A very unhappy 'Mother's Day' to you

Spoiler alert! The following contains spoilers for Orange is the New Black season 3 episode 1. Already on to episode 2? You can read our recap here.

Are you binge-watching season 3 of Orange is the New Black? We are too! You can read all our recaps here.

Welcome back to Litchfield, friends, where everything is perfect all the time always. Right? Right, good. Glad we're all agreed on that.

After a very, very eventful season finale last year (we'll miss you, Rosa and Vee), things have relatively calmed down at the prison, as Caputo shores up his new happier, friendlier regime and the terror of Vee is over. It's a nice charade he's got going on, but like the empty piñata the kids play with in the episode, it's pretty on the outside but hollow on the inside (the more episodes I binge, the less metaphors are going to show up in the recaps, I can tell you that for sure). Caputo swept Bennet's relationship with Daya under the rug, he's brought in a new counselor to challenge Healy and his Mother's Day carnival ends up with all the inmates face down on the ground while their children look on helplessly. Good job, sir.

Mother's Day might be the most important holiday at Litchfield, what with all mothers who rarely get to see their children, and with all the inmates' own fraught relationships with their mothers, and it gives the show a great opportunity to check in with each of its many characters in turn. And while some things might look good on the outside for our ladies, the cracks are definitely showing.

Some of the few things that are causing concern in an episode that was literally candy-colored: Piper lies to Alex about why she's back, Nikki and Big Boo still have those drugs stashed and are planning to get them out through the tunnel, Red filled up the tunnel with cement, Bennet can't keep himself away from Daya, Pornstache's mother is writing to Daya about her "grandchild," people think Gloria has magical powers, and, oh yeah, someone thought it was a really good idea to give Pennsatucky Lorna's old driving job. Nothing could possibly go wrong there.

One episode down, 12 to go. I hope you stay along for our binging ride.