'Orange is the New Black' binge recap: Losing my religion
Spoiler alert! The following contains spoilers for Orange is the New Black season 3 episode 9. Already on to episode 10? Read our recap here.
Are you binge-watching season 3 of Orange is the New Black? We are too! You can read all our recaps here.
What do Game of Thrones and Orange is the Black have in common? A newfound focus on religion, and an author who isn't writing fast enough for the fans. "Where My Dreidal At" was all about religion, from Leanne's flashbacks to her Amish roots (did NOT see that coming), to the Jewish "test" for Kosher meals, to the attempted organization of the Church of Norma (can I just say how perfect it is that Sister Ingalls is the only one to pass the test, and that Cindy is now down to convert for real? This storyline has taken us to great places this season). And then of course there's Crazy Eyes, who is basically the
, with a flock of fans desperate to read the new chapters in her erotica. Let's hope she can take the pressure.
The rest of the episode is mostly depressing but for very, very different reasons. Pennsatucky is getting closer to her donut guard, and she's looking out for him, trying not to get too familiar when they're in front of other people at the prison. It's all fun and games until they're down at their secret lake spot and the game becomes too real, when the guard orders her to fetch a piece of donut on her hands and knees and with her mouth from the mud. Then he forcibly kisses her, saying "I like you so much," while Pennsatucky stares dead-eyed off into the distance. Things stop there for now (he remembers to have "boundaries"). There is no way this ends well for anyone.
Over in panty-land things are going well for Piper, who decides to embrace her inner awfulness and cheat on Alex with Stella (oh hey, remember when I called that a million years ago?). My thing about this is that I'm not surprised by Piper's actions at all, but why waste a new character like Stella, who seems like she could be really very interesting, on Piper? Put her with Alex or Big Boo or someone else, gosh darn it!
Oh and speaking of Alex, now that she found Lolly's diary she is finally vindicated over her paranoia, but that doesn't necessarily mean she's any safer, since Lolly may have gotten her hands on a giant glass shard. But hey, maybe Piper will believe Alex now? I doubt it, since she'll probably be to busy making out with Stella and stocking up on dirty underwear.
9 down, 4 to go! Let's do this!
And in case you missed it, you can read our recap of episode 8 here.