Watch: John Oliver's guide to achieving your New Year's Resolutions

Ah, New Year's resolutions. All those good things you convince yourself that you're going to do for the whole year that end up doing for, oh, say, two or three weeks.

But don't worry, it's not your fault. Everyone just makes resolutions that set themselves up for failure. At least, according to John Oliver.

The Last Week Tonight host won't be back with his show until Feb. 14, but he has a little New Year's treat for us all. Oliver helpfully explains how to succeed at your resolutions, or, more accurately, how not to fail so miserably at them. Basically you should revise too-hard resolutions to something more manageable (change "going to the gym" to anything that will get your heart rate up, like "waking up late for work" or "taking a pregnancy test") OR you should have really, really outlandish resolutions so you can't feel bad you missed (like throwing the first pitch on July 4th at Yankee stadium). When you can't win, you can't fail!