I just found out my new roommate once slept with my boyfriend. Can I kick her out?

Question: "I'm 21 and along with four of my friends, I signed a lease to rent a six-bedroom house in my college town. We currently live together, but decided we wanted a bigger place. The landlord allowed the four of us to sign the lease, until we could find two more people. So, we put up a listing on Facebook to find people interested. A girl reached out and said she was interested, so we let her tour it. We all decided we liked her and thought we could get along well. She signed the lease yesterday and put down a deposit. Later that night, I told my boyfriend we had somebody sign and he asked who, so I showed him a picture of her. He immediately got quiet and said, 'Yeah, I know her.'

I asked him how, and he admitted they had a drunk one-night stand his freshman year, almost three years ago. Obviously, I was shocked. The thought of having her live in the bedroom next to mine made me sick to my stomach. Even though it was only a one-night stand, I don't think I could walk around the house comfortably or look at my boyfriend and her the same way I would have. Not to mention, it would probably be uncomfortable for them, too since my boyfriend would be over a lot. Our landlord is very easy going and wouldn't have an issue with her terminating her agreement, as long as we found someone to take her place. 

My friends are telling me that I would be wrong if I asked her to do this because they like her and she would have to find another place to live. I should mention that she and I look eerily similar. By this I mean, same height, build, hair and ethnicity. My friends were even remarking that we could almost pass as twins, which makes it even worse. I feel extremely shallow to ask this of her, but I would rather have a comfortable environment than to accommodate a stranger. And lots of housing is available in the area, so she would still have enough time to find another place before May. So, would I be wrong if I ask her to terminate her lease?"

My husband's best friend lives with us. Can I kick him out?

Answer: "I’m going back and forth on your issue a bit as it's quite a predicament, and one of those 'What are the chances?' problems. Everyone should feel comfortable in their own home, however, I don’t know if it would be entirely appropriate to change everyone’s plans and force her to terminate her signed lease agreement because of her previous history with your current partner. It can be challenging finding good roommates, and it could put you both at risk for even worse living situations (or not finding a replacement at all). Additionally, she does have a signed legal contract that is binding, and she or your landlord may want to stick to it. 

She hooked up with your boyfriend three years ago, and it only occurred one night and they never reconnected afterward. How long have the two of you been together? While the living situation isn’t ideal, if you’re opposed to it due to not trusting him and her in a common area together then I would work on building trust and security in your relationship. While it may not be appropriate to ask her to break her lease, I do think you should have a conversation about it all to clear the air.  

When do I end it? My boyfriend hasn't taken me on a date in 4 years and refuses to be intimate.

Keep in mind, this new roommate of yours may be super excited and not even know who your boyfriend is, so I would start this conversation without confrontation so she doesn’t feel so blindsided. You can talk about how their shared past makes you uncomfortable and say you’d like to establish some healthy boundaries so you all can have a healthy living arrangement. Keep in mind, your boyfriend doesn’t pay rent and she does. In the hierarchy of things, her needs take precedent over his, but you two will have to compromise to make each other happy. If it’s possible to do some room swaps so you don’t share a wall that may also help make things less weird for the two of you. While your roommate relationship is starting off a bit awkward, it could develop into a great friendship. 

Wishing you the best and hope this helps, 

Morgan

Am I overreacting? My boyfriend won't stop looking at other women on Instagram.

Should I walk away? My boyfriend moved in after just a few months and then totally changed.

Morgan Absher is an occupational therapist in Los Angeles who hosts the podcast, "Two Hot Takes" where she and her co-hosts dish out advice. She writes a weekly column, sharing her advice with Paste BN's readers. Find her on TikTok @twohottakes and YouTube here. You can reach her by email at Mabsher@gannett.com or you can click here to share your story with her.