Is Netflix ruining your relationship and impacting your sex life?
How often do you watch Netflix? For most people, watching TV has become a trusted companion while they get ready for work in the morning, cook or clean their house, while they eat dinner or take a bath, and as they return from work. Accidentally, Netflix and other on-demand streaming services have become an integral part of our daily routines. And, it’s become a common way to spend time with our significant other.
But, and this is a big but, how many of us are paying attention to how TV is actually impacting our relationships?
Not many.
Of course, a movie night or a designated time to binge-watch a new show with your partner (or even family and friends) is great, but here are five things to consider.
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1. Is it impacting your sex life?
I am not saying "don't stream." I am just saying to pay attention to the ratio of TV to other activities. Anytime we choose to watch something, we need to be aware that we are choosing not to do something else with that time. When we say yes to a 30-minute episode, we are simultaneously saying no to something else. Such as, for example, sex. Many couples feel too exhausted for intimacy after they have played “just one more episode” and consumed all their snacks.
And sex is not the only thing that may be neglected. Often we postpone important conversations or opportunities for deepening our understanding and connection with our partner.
2. Is it all that you do together?
I get it, most of us don’t feel like we have the energy to do much else a lot of the time, but we have to be intentional about our relationships, and our shows can get in the way of that. And – let’s be clear – this is not our TV's fault, it’s the way we choose to consume it.
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Here are some alternative activities you can do with your partner:
- Try a new recipe together or explore new coffee shops in your area
- Play cards or a game
- Do a physical activity you both enjoy (sex, jogging, tennis)
- Read a book together
- Invent a cocktail or bake a dessert for your partner and make them guess what’s in it
3. Why are you watching so much TV together?
If Netflix is one of the things you do together, great. If it’s the only thing you do together, ask yourself why.
Are you lacking things in common? Have you entered a rut? Are you avoiding the stress that comes with life or maybe a difficult conversation or decision you need to make as a couple? Are you too intimidated to suggest a different activity in case they don’t like it?
Even if binging shows is your favorite way to relax, can you think of ways to make it more personalized, more special and more of a bonding experience?
4. What is the content teaching you about relationships?
The hours we spend watching stories unfold shape and challenge our opinions and beliefs. With so much storytelling, we can start to set unrealistic expectations for our relationships, partners and romance in general, or – at the other end of the spectrum – normalize abusive or detrimental behaviors that we are constantly seeing (e.g. lying, cheating, abuse, etc.). Make sure to check in and evaluate how watching TV has impacted both of your expectations.
5. Where is TV on your list of priorities?
Lastly, let’s not forget about the impact streaming can have on your relationship with yourself (which then impacts your relationship with others). In the process of tuning out the stress and the demands of the world, we sometimes tune out ourselves.
Before you start watching that movie or episode, check in: Did you already do things that will keep you physically and mentally healthy? Are you prioritizing watching TV over people or important tasks in your life? Are you using streaming as a crutch or an escape instead of making changes or doing hard things? There is nothing wrong with finding a way to cope, but ask yourself: Is there a better way I can offer myself support?
Sara Kuburic is a therapist who specializes in identity, relationships and moral trauma. Every week she shares her advice with our readers. Find her on Instagram @millennial.therapist. She can be reached at SKuburic@gannett.com.
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