My grandma shared pictures of my baby so I blocked her. Am I petty?
Question: "I blocked my grandma from seeing photos of our newborn.
I don’t really have a relationship with her. When I was growing up, we only ever saw each other on her time, and my husband is in the military, so we’re typically only home for the holidays. Though we always invite my grandma to celebrate with us, she always has an excuse to not come.
I don’t think my grandma is a narcissist but I do think she has some concerning qualities – like she always sees herself as the victim and as if nothing is ever her fault. When I announced our pregnancy, I mentioned I’d miscarried before, and my grandma was eager to hear more, berating my mom for the details. When my mom said it was none of her business, she didn’t talk to my mom for weeks.
As the pregnancy went on, she got more and more demanding, saying I needed to share more with her because “she’s the grandma and more important than other family and friends." I felt the real reason she wanted details of my life was to gossip about me to other family members. When my daughter was finally born, I sent her a message specifically saying the photos I was sending her were for only her and she wasn’t to share them with anyone. Well, she sent them around and I was absolutely livid. So I blocked her on social media, and now whenever I post it says “share with everyone except (my grandma's name).”
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She finally texted me about wanting pictures, and I said we were no longer sharing them because they can end up in weirdos hands too easily. She complained, saying she deserved photos and even guilted us with the fact she’ll probably never get to meet my daughter. I reminded her we come home for the holidays, and she’s always been invited. She ignored this. I’m frustrated. Am I petty for blocking her? Should I directly address what she did?"
Answer: "It sounds like you’re being confronted with an issue a lot of parents these days are facing: How much of our kids do we share on social media and how do we prevent family or friends from re-sharing? Here’s the thing though, you cannot control what people do once you hit that share button. If it’s not your grandma saving and sharing photos, it could be any number of the people that aren’t blocked from your posts of your baby. You mention it yourself that these photos could end up in the hands of “weirdos” and that’s just as true even if your grandma remains blocked. There’s a lot of research coming out on the consequences of sharing your children on social media like stalking, digital kidnapping and other predatory behaviors. Another thing to consider is consent, and if your child would want their life documented digitally forever. I am extremely thankful social media didn't have such a presence while I was growing up because I would hate if my mom would’ve posted my bathtub pictures on Facebook.
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How you choose to proceed is up to you, and to answer the question you asked, I don’t think you're petty for blocking your grandma from your posts. You set a boundary, she crossed it, consequences were enforced. This is exactly how it's supposed to go. I don't think it would change anything if you confronted her directly, as you mention she usually plays the victim.
However, it seems maybe there’s a different issue here as well. Your grandma seems to have a strained relationship with you and your mom, and it's clear that bothers you. She may be too set in her ways to take steps to fix that. I suggest you continue to invite her to the holidays and let her determine if she'd like to make the effort. Don't jump through hoops for her.
You can only do so much, and if she continues to disrespect you, you may not want a relationship at all. Try not to feel let down if things don’t improve, and keep enforcing your boundaries.
Hope this helps,
Morgan
Morgan Absher is an occupational therapist in Los Angeles who hosts the podcast, "Two Hot Takes" where she and her co-hosts dish out advice. She writes a weekly column, sharing her advice with Paste BN's readers. Find her on TikTok @twohottakes and YouTube here. You can reach her by email at Mabsher@gannett.com or you can click here to share your story with her.
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