Is anger ruining your relationship? You’re not alone.

Sara Kuburic | Paste BN

Occasionally, you may notice that your partner annoys you, no matter what they do. Your annoyance may come from the way they fold laundry, how loudly they laugh at a joke, how often they repeat the same story or, at some point, the way they breathe.

These periods are filled with frustration, and even if their actions and words are objectively nice or neutral, they get under your skin.

So, let’s explore some of the common reasons why this may be happening. When that anger is directed at almost everything your partner does, it can be a sign that something is amiss. If it persists, it can lead to your partner feeling confused or hurt.

Reasons why everything your partner does makes you mad:

Unresolved issues: If you're constantly getting angry at your partner, it could be because of unresolved issues from the past. Maybe your partner did something that hurt you and never fully addressed it or perhaps you're holding onto resentment from a previous argument. These unresolved issues can cause you to feel anger toward your partner for seemingly unrelated actions.
Stress: You may react to small things when you're under stress. Stressful events like work pressure, financial issues or family problems can contribute to constant anger directed at someone close to us, even if they have nothing to do with the situation. Sometimes we just want someone to blame.
Expectations: You may be holding your partner to an unrealistic standard, and when they don't meet your expectations, it can lead to frustration and anger. It's essential to have reasonable expectations of your partner, as everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.
Communication: Communication is critical in any relationship, and a breakdown in communication between you and your partner can lead to misunderstandings and frustration. If you're not communicating your needs effectively, your partner may be unaware of what's bothering you and leave your concerns unaddressed.

Solutions to help manage anger toward your partner

Identify the root cause. Take some time to reflect on why you're feeling angry. Is it because of unresolved issues, stress, unmet expectations or a communication breakdown? Understanding the root cause of your anger can help you develop strategies to manage it.
Practice being intentional. Instead of being reactive the next time you're upset, take a deep breath and think about how you want to respond. How do you want to show up in the relationship? What actions or words will help you express yourself, honor the other person and support your relationship goal?
Set boundaries. If your significant other's actions or words repeatedly bother or hurt you, it's important to set a boundary. This is an excellent way to protect ourselves and the relationship itself.
Communicate effectively. When you're feeling angry toward your partner – once you're ready – tell them. Use "I" statements to express your feelings, and avoid blaming your partner. Instead of saying, "You always do this," say, "I feel upset when X, Y or Z happens." This will help your partner understand your perspective and avoid defensive reactions.
Seek professional help. If your anger toward your partner is causing significant problems in your relationship, it may be time to seek professional help. A therapist can help you identify the root cause of your anger and develop strategies to manage it effectively. Couples therapy can help you and your partner improve communication, resolve any underlying issues or break detrimental patterns.

Is anger ruining your relationship? You’re not alone.

Reasons why everything your partner does makes you mad:

Solutions to help manage anger toward your partner

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