What is emotional cheating? Know the signs.
In the realm of relationships, infidelity has long been a topic of intense discussion and emotional turmoil. Traditionally, the focus has been on physical betrayal, but another form of infidelity can be just as damaging—emotional cheating.
Also called emotional infidelity or an emotional affair, emotional cheating is a breach of trust that occurs when one partner develops a strong bond with someone other than their committed partner. This connection may involve sharing intimate thoughts, feelings and experiences typically reserved for the primary relationship. While physical intimacy may not be present, emotional infidelity can still have profound consequences, as it erodes the foundation of trust and intimacy within the committed partnership.
Of course we can have meaningful and close relationships with people outside our romantic relationships, but it's about not cultivating dynamics that damages our current relationships or violate our relationship “agreement.” It’s important to keep in mind that the same actions won't be perceived as a violation by all couples –– it depends on their boundaries, expectations and needs. Often, the clearest sign of emotional infidelity is that this new connection erodes or threatens the relationship one has with their partner.
Know the signs of emotional cheating
Have you ever emotionally cheated on your partner? Spotting emotional infidelity can be challenging, as it often unfolds subtly over time, but there are signs.
- You are in frequent contact with this individual (and not because you have to be).
- You notice yourself increasingly hiding your communication with a particular individual in front of your partner.
- You are slowly distancing yourself emotionally from your partner.
- You are decreasing the level of emotional vulnerability you offer your relationship.
- You find sharing all your big or small news with this new person before sharing them with your partner.
- You confide about all your relationship troubles with them and find yourself giving them “hope” that you may be single soon.
- You find yourself thinking about them a lot, and I mean a lot.
- You compare your partner to this new person, emphasizing your partner's flaws.
There are many ways to cheat
Emotional infidelity is easily dismissed and challenging to discuss or pinpoint since most people have no ways to quantify the transgression if "nothing physical happened." But it is crucial to examine the dynamics at play.
Emotional infidelity often stems from unmet needs, dissatisfaction or a desire for something different. These examples are not a justification but can offer us some insight. People may seek emotional connections outside their relationship to escape problems, find validation, experience a sense of novelty and excitement, or slowly emotionally transition out of the relationship. It is essential to recognize that emotional infidelity is not a helpful or long-term solution to underlying relationship issues but rather a symptom that indicates the need for open communication and addressing the core concerns within the partnership.
And the consequences can be devastating. The betrayed partner may experience jealousy and a loss of trust. Emotional intimacy between the couple may suffer, leading to a breakdown in communication and a sense of emotional disconnection. It is crucial to acknowledge the pain caused by emotional infidelity and work toward healing if both partners are willing.
How to navigate emotional cheating
- Both partners must create a safe space to openly discuss their feelings, concerns, the reasons behind emotional infidelity and the impact it’s had on their relationship. This communication should be non-judgmental and focused on understanding each other's perspectives.
- Rebuilding trust is a gradual process requiring both partners' consistent effort – effort to make amends and an effort to forgive and move forward. Establishing clear boundaries and demonstrating a commitment to the relationship can help rebuild trust over time.
- In some cases, the complexity of emotional infidelity may require the assistance of a licensed therapist or counsellor. They can provide guidance and support and help navigate the complex emotions involved.
- Both partners should prioritize their relationship and work on fostering emotional connection, trust and mutual satisfaction. This may involve spending quality time together, exploring shared interests and rekindling the passion within the partnership.
- Sometimes, emotional cheating occurs because the relationship is no longer what we want. Perhaps noticing our emotional infidelity can break through some of the denial and motivate us to make the necessary changes – no one deserves to be cheated on!
Read more about cheating and get relationship advice here:
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Are you ruining your relationship without even realizing it?
I cheated. How do I confess to my partner?
How to stop jealousy from destroying your relationship
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