The guy I am seeing constantly flirts with other people in front of me. 'Is it OK?'
Recently, one of my Instagram followers sent me a question about their relationship struggle, and I found it so relevant, I thought I would answer it here in case others are dealing with the same thing.
"I am in a situationship with a guy from work. It has been going on for three months now. I first noticed he was super flirty with others at our work but didn't think much of it since he is friendly to everyone. But then a bunch of us went out for a happy hour, and he was being really flirty with a woman from another department. It dawned on me that he seems to flirt with everyone. Is that OK?"
Being in a situationship is confusing, and the dynamic is often enveloped in a lack of communication, boundaries or expectations. The question, "Is that OK?" is essential, but only the people involved can truly answer it. Allow me to provide you with some guidance through three scenarios.
If your partner flirts with other people…
- It might be that you are OK with it, but society or your peer group is making you feel like you shouldn't be so now you question what you think and what to do.
- It could also be that you're not comfortable with the situation, but it's hard to admit this fact. That may be because you were determined to be in a more casual dynamic, but it’s turning out to be more difficult than you thought.
- You may also be unsure about how you feel about this situation or what your next steps should be.
How to handle a flirty partner
If you are feeling pressured to care about your partner's flirting but genuinely don't mind it, it's OK to be OK with it! Maybe you are also flirty; perhaps you're not reading into their behavior, or you don't feel invested in the relationship and are OK with them exploring their options. If you are not bothered by them being flirty but don't love seeing it unfold in front of you, it might be worth setting a boundary reflecting your discomfort.
However, if you find the behavior disrespectful, hurtful or just plain annoying, it is likely worth addressing it. Especially in a situationship, you might find yourself emotionally attached to this person but feel like you are “not allowed” or “don’t have the right to” share your feelings or communicate your needs because the nature of the dynamic is vague. Silencing your voice may feel like self-betrayal in the long run. You have every right to decide how you want to be treated, even in casual relationships. You can adjust boundaries, set expectations and communicate in any dynamic that involves you.
What flirting can teach you about your situationship
If flirting is becoming a point of contention, ask yourself:
- How do I feel about being in a situationship?
- What is my hope for this dynamic down the road?
- How do I feel when this person is flirting or showing interest in someone else?
- Are there boundaries you would like to set? If yes, what do they sound like?
- What is stopping you from communicating how you feel?
- How does the dynamic make you feel about yourself?
Recognizing and honoring your own emotions is essential for maintaining your mental well-being. Your reflections and feelings should guide your decisions about how to proceed.
Engaging in open communication can provide clarity. Share your observations and emotions in a non-confrontational manner. And remember that you can change your mind and adjust your boundaries throughout the course of a relationship. Make sure to constantly be evaluating and reevaluating your dynamics, engaging only in relationships that align with you.
Read more about relationships, advice here:
What is emotional cheating? Know the signs.
Relationship advice: How to handle wanting different things in the bedroom
How to stop jealousy from destroying your relationship