Cher, Sonny Bono and the complications of power imbalance relationships
“Cher: The Memoir, Part One” is here – and proving the pop icon is more than "strong enough" to talk about her past. Even when that past involves talking about some uncomfortable topics, including the age gap between her and late ex-husband Sonny Bono.
Salvatore Bono entered Cher’s life as a protector and champion, talking her up to his boss, Phil Spector, which landed her backing vocalist duties on Spector-produced ‘60s hits including The Ronettes’ “Be My Baby” and The Righteous Brothers’ “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feeling.” The pair had an 11-year age gap, and she was just teenager. Her mother reportedly wanted Bono jailed. Still, Cher loved "how he was different than anyone else. And he made me laugh. And we had a dream," she told CBS Sunday Morning.
"I lied to him a few times," she added. "I told him I was 18, and then someone said, 'You know, I don't think she's 18.' So I said, 'OK, I'm not 18 but next month is my birthday' — which was true — 'and I'm going to be 18.'" The relationship fell apart from there, with Bono growing more temperamental and unfaithful, partially due to an addiction to valium and prescription painkillers.
The memoir comes as the previously unknown "muse" of famed novelist Cormac McCarthy revealed herself in a recent Vanity Fair profile. Complete with excerpts from love letters and the first-hand testimony of a woman named Augusta Britt, the article alleges the two met when she was just 16 and the late author was 42.
There is growing awareness about sexual grooming and exploitation that follows most unhealthy power dynamics. Legal and psychological experts agree it's important to discuss, rather than ignore, the potential dangers that come with maturity differentials.
"Societal norms have changed and are changing, and people are beginning to recognize things that we may have been OK with 30, 40, 50 years ago. But we're now re-evaluating that," Elizabeth Jeglic, a professor of psychology at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, previously told Paste BN.
"We are recognizing now that adolescents really don't think in the same way as adults or view things in the same way as adults until well into their early to mid-20s. When somebody is an older adult in a relationship with a teen, there's a huge power imbalance and the ability to consent is compromised."
Not all yeses are the same: How a teen's consent can be corrupted
Generally – as we know now – gray areas cloud relationships when it comes to teens and consent.
The ability for teens to make logical, educated decisions is muddied by an array of factors: their lack of life experience, their vulnerability to peer pressure and their underdeveloped brain maturity. Years of neuroscience evidence also support that their brains are wired to prioritize short-term rewards over long-term consequences and as a result, they are more likely to engage in risky behaviors.
Additionally, many teens often mistake confidence with competence. While they may feel empowered to pursue a relationship with an adult, the reality is "their actual skill level, when it comes to things like reading risk size or knowing whether they are actually ready to go into that relationship in a deeper or sexual level … are not yet developed," Melanie Schilling, a confidence coach and former psychologist specializing in relationships, previously told Paste BN.
"They might say yes, but the meaning behind it is not fully developed … and the psychological capacity to actually step into that relationship in a truly consenting way is not there yet," Schilling says.
'We tell children to just say no. But let's start telling adults to just say no.'
Though levels of maturity vary by individual, teenagers are rarely emotionally or cognitively equipped to assess the risks and dangers of sex with older adults, experts say.
"Adults tend to think that when a teenager looks mature, they are mature. So the fact that they have developed breasts and hips or facial hair or other secondary sex characteristics which indicate maturity … that means that they're mature," Jennifer Drobac, a professor emerita at the Indiana University McKinney School of Law who specialized in sexual harassment law, previously told Paste BN.
However, research shows that the brain isn't fully developed until your 20s; more specifically, numerous studies have found that the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for executive decision making and risk assessment, is fully matured at 25. For young people today coming of age in a post-MeToo era, consent is a spoken-aloud part of sexual interactions.
Drobac says the burden to condemn these inappropriate relationships should be on adults rather than teenagers.
"We tell children to just say no, let's start telling adults to just say no."
Contributing: Melissa Ruggieri, Jenna Ryu and Anna Kaufman