The 4B movement, 'your body, my choice' and how 'feminist sex' is changing
“Your body, my choice,” a phrase first spoken by white supremacist and Holocaust denier Nick Fuentes on Election Day, has become a rallying cry among misogynists and far-right online trolls. Between the following Thursday and Friday, the Institute for Strategic Dialogue recorded a 4,600% increase in mentions of the phrase on X, and Fuentes’ declaration, “We own your bodies,” dominated on the app.
In response to Donald Trump’s presidential win, women began encouraging one another to join the 4B movement, a protest that originated in South Korea against misogyny and sexism that entails not having sex or relationships with men.
In the midst of a political divide and this resurgence of political celibacy, it seems we may be leaving the era of “feminist sex,” a heteronormative time in which magazines told women to prioritize their pleasure and enact their sexual agency. On an early episode of “Sex and the City,” Samantha Jones tells her girl group that they need to have “sex like a man” — leaving emotions and attachment behind.
Nona Willis Aronowitz, author of “Bad Sex: Truth, Pleasure, and an Unfinished Revolution,” says up until recently, feminist sex meant that you “had to have an orgasm every every time” or engage in specific sexual behaviors, but recent narratives “acknowledge that people have sex for all kinds of reason.” Feminist sex, to Aronowitz, is “having sex you actively desire.”
But if feminist sex is all about choice, is there a way for women who want to have sex with men to be sexually liberated in the midst of various complicating factors? Abortion access is limited in several states, and there's been a recent movement to decry hookup culture and expose the possible pitfalls of casual sex.
However, history has demonstrated that political celibacy movements rarely stick, according to Aronowitz. And, trauma and relationship therapist Jordan Pickell says that among her clients, most heterosexual women are still seeking sex and relationships with men, though they may have new obstacles to navigate.
What is the 4B movement, and why are women swearing off men?
The four rules of the 4B movement entail: No dating men, no marrying men, no sex with men and no childbirth. In America’s political landscape, advocates for the 4B movement say participation is intended to protest Trump and Republicans who align themselves with anti-abortion policies and misogynist rhetoric.
We are in the “most anti-women environment young women have ever experienced in their lifetime,” according to Leora Tanenbaum, author of the forthcoming book “Sexy Selfie Nation: Standing Up For Yourself in Today's Toxic, Sexist Culture.”
“There’s nothing more chilling than the ‘your body, my choice’ statement that’s gone viral,” she says. “Is it any wonder that women believe there’s a target on their bodies?”
And while some may say not to worry about one online troll, Fuentes has more influence than you may think. Trump dined with Fuentes, along with Ye, formerly known as Kayne West, at his Mar-a-Lago resort in 2022.
Since the overturning of Roe v. Wade that same year, several states have stripped abortion rights, leaving many women fearful for the future of their bodily autonomy. Following the election, women stockpiled abortion pills and emergency contraceptives, such as Plan B, in case these medications are restricted or banned during the Trump administration (states like Louisiana have already taken steps to severely limit access to abortion pill).
“Taking control over your sexuality is a coping mechanism in the face of rampant misogyny and theft of bodily autonomy,” Tanenbaum explains.
And, women today are hyper aware of the risks of pursuing sex and relationships, both physical and emotional, according to Pickell. In 2023, current and former partners accounted for 60 percent of all intimate partner and family-related femicide cases, in which a woman is killed with a gender-related motivation.
The political climate can cause tension in relationships and limit sexual openness
In simple terms, the “vibe has shifted,” Pickell says.
“I think since the election, there's been an undercurrent of unease, like the stakes feel higher and the vibes are dark.”
While some of her clients have completely stepped back from dating, most are still seeking sex and relationships with men, or are working to nurture their existing relationships with their male partners.
Her clients are now searching for “ideological red flags” among potential partners, which includes the language these people use, the media they consume, and the figures they look up to or revile. Even for no-strings-attached hookups, building trust and sharing values feels more important than ever.
“The ability to relax, to feel playful or curious, which is so important in open sexuality, depends on trust and a sense of safety,” Pickell says.
People’s sexual choices are shaped by their emotional wellbeing, their sense of safety and social and societal pressures, Pickell says. Sex itself is “more of a byproduct,” or a “piece of a large picture of connecting with their own feelings and desires and reclaiming their agency to make their own authentic decisions.”
However, the political unease has also caused rifts among women already in relationships. Among her clients, Pickell says the men in their lives are struggling to “grasp the reality of what is happening for women right now,” and women get tasked with the “emotional labor of explaining the weight of living in a time where phrases like ‘your body, my choice’ are being weaponized.”
“It's not just about a polarized political climate. It's about feeling the distance with the men in their lives and how these ‘political issues’ have ripple effects in the most intimate parts of people's lives, with the people that they trust the most,” she adds. “And so the grief is realizing that their partner might not ever grasp the depth of what it means, of what this moment means to their autonomy, their safety, their value as a human being. And that emotional disconnect is deeply painful for a lot of the women that I'm working with.”
Will the 4B movement last?
Looking at the history of political celibacy movements, Aronowitz says it’s unlikely.
“What we can learn from the political celibates of the 1960s is that the vast majority of women did not join them. It was a rhetorically powerful movement, but didn't have many participants,” she says. “I think what heterosexual women really want is to find joy and security and pleasure in their relationships with men.”
What she finds most inspiring is women’s ability to find pleasure amid rampant misogyny, rather than “throwing up their hands and saying ‘forget it.’”
“By the nature of my heterosexuality, I do desire men. It's denying your desires to make a political statement about not having sex with men,” and ultimately, women “don’t want to deny their own desires,” she says.
Tanenbaum also notes that going boysober, a popular trend from the summer, is distinct from “acts of political resistance or leverage” like the 4B movement.
“These women are not activists; they are simply taking care of themselves by prioritizing relationships with women over relationships with men, even though they identify as hetero,” she clarifies. “If retreating from relationships and sex with men makes some individual women feel a sense of control over their bodies and lives, they should be given the opportunity to withdraw in this manner.”
And while Aronowitz agrees that personal breaks should be embraced, withholding sex as political bargaining gives her pause.
“It positions women as the gatekeepers of sexuality, like punishing men for being bad by withholding their sexuality, as if they have no sexual desire of their own,” she says. “It de-prioritizes your desire. De-prioritizes your potential for sexual happiness and romantic happiness." And that's a problem because when it comes to happiness, "I think a lot of straight women want that.”