She applied to Harvard as a joke and got waitlisted. Now she's championing 'rejection therapy.'
Maureen Evelyn's life changed forever when she applied to Harvard.
It's not because she got in. Her goal was actually the opposite − she wanted to get rejected in order to build confidence.
"When I was in high school, I was always terrified of failure," Evelyn, now 21, says. "I feel like that fear made me not confident, because I was always trying to be perfect. And then I decided, 'OK, this needs to stop. I want to build my confidence.' So I was like, 'Let me just try to get told no and realize there's no physical pain associated.' "
And what more surefire way to get told no than to apply to Harvard, a school that accepts less than 4% of applicants? Besides, she figured, the application would only take about three hours to do. What did she have to lose?
She applied as a joke, and the result shocked her: She got waitlisted.
Though getting waitlisted by a prestigious university might demoralize some, for Evelyn, it flipped a switch in her mind. Her fear of rejection had told her she had no chance and shouldn't even bother; just on the other side of that fear, however, was possibility.
She wondered, what else was her fear of rejection keeping her from?
"It kind of clicked in my brain that we hold ourselves back from these crazy opportunities because we don't think we're going to get them," she says. "Once I got waitlisted at Harvard, I was like, 'Whoa, this could change your life.' "
Since then, Evelyn has been on a mission to get rejected as much as possible − and she's not alone. On TikTok, people are going viral documenting their adventures in "rejection therapy," a form of exposure therapy where you work on overcoming your fear of rejection by doing things that you expect to end in failure.
Evelyn swears by rejection therapy and has even launched an app to help more people get rejected. It's called Rejecto, and it basically functions as a social media platform where users share updates and support each other in their pursuit of rejection.
The results of rejection therapy, she says, can be staggering.
'Rejection therapy' has gone viral on TikTok. What's really going on?
Rejection therapy has led some TikTokers to pull interesting stunts, to mixed results.
In one video with over 17 million views, a woman films herself standing in front of a commercial airline cabin wishing everyone a lovely flight (some give a little cheer in response). In another, with 9.7 million likes, a woman tells strangers it's her birthday (many then sing "Happy Birthday" to her). In another, with over 3 million views, a woman asks construction workers if she can join them in their crane (they let her).
Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist specializing in anxiety and ADHD, says rejection therapy is nothing new − and yes, it really works. More commonly, she says, it's used in cognitive behavioral therapy to help people sit with uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. The goal, she says, is to acclimate to the discomfort so it no longer rules their lives. Phobias for instance, she says, are commonly treated this way.
However, the difference between the rejection therapy on TikTok and its traditional use in therapeutic settings is that the latter is progressive and usually targets a specific aspect of rejection the client especially fears.
"You start with one time a week, go up to three times a week, go up to every day a week, and you're checking in with yourself and doing some introspection each time you're doing it," Sarkis says.
In many rejection therapy videos, people are shocked when they don't get told "no." In other instances, rejection therapy has led people to realize the reason behind a "no" is often not what they expected.
After getting waitlisted by Harvard, Evelyn sought more ways to get rejected. She says it's led her to eat dinner with strangers, get interviewed on TV and pose for a photoshoot in a vintage car. She also submitted herself for representation at a prestigious modeling agency.
The agency told her no, as planned. But when Evelyn asked why, to her surprise, she received a polite email telling her she looked "too ethereal" for ad campaigns. Who knew rejection could be so complimentary?
Want to try rejection therapy? Here are some tips
Sarkis says rejection therapy works best when done safely and intentionally. Don't put yourself in any dangerous situations in the name of rejection. Also, instead of trying to get rejected for random things, try to focus on getting rejected in an area of your life where you especially fear it.
For instance, if you find your fear of rejection holds you back most strongly in romance, try asking someone out or starting a conversation with someone you find attractive. If it's social, try saying hi to a stranger. If it's professional, apply for a job you think you'll certainly get passed over for.
"It has to be done within reason. Obviously, we usually start low and go up, so you do gradual exposure," Sarkis says. "It depends on what your mental health state is."
When done strategically and healthily, Sarkis says, rejection therapy can be transformative; however, she wants people to keep in mind the point of it all. The goal is to get rejected − not accidentally land some fantastic opportunity. Most people trying rejection therapy get told "no" the vast majority of the time, despite the rare "yes" moments going viral online.
Having a support system when a rejection does happen, Sarkis says, can be crucial. She also encourages people to remember that rejection happens all the time to everyone and is a normal part of life.
In the course of rejection therapy, Evelyn says she's been told "no" countless times. Most memorably, she got rejected by construction workers for asking to use their jackhammer (they said she wasn't wearing the right clothes for it). She also got rejected asking a restaurant employee if she could make her own bubble tea behind the counter (they did give her a gift card though).
Actually getting to do these things, she says, was never the point. It's the fact she's brave enough to ask in the first place that's made all the difference.
"Now at 21, I make six figures. I travel the world. I work for myself. And it's like, all of this is because of rejection, honestly," Evelyn says. "Right now, I'm sitting in my apartment, looking over the beautiful view, and I'm just like, 'What the heck?' The reason I'm sitting here is because three, four years ago I decided I'm done with perfection and I'm done trying to do everything perfect."