Alec, Hilaria Baldwin’s cringey interview and how to deal with 'manterrupting'
"When I'm talking, you're not talking."
With those six words, Hilaria Baldwin ignited a firestorm online. In a clip of a red carpet interview the couple did, she called out her husband Alec Baldwin for interrupting her during a segment with Extra about the couple's new TLC reality show, "The Baldwins."
"It's going to be great. You're a winner," Alec told his wife, mid-interview. She snapped back: "Oh my God, when I'm talking, you're not talking."
Though the moment sparked a lot of reactions, the couple have since made light of the controversy on social media. Alec wrote on Instagram that his wife was "only joking" and he's "grateful to be the nicer half for a change." On Instagram last week, Hilaria described the moment as an example of "manterrupting" and a case of "correctile dysfunction."
Still, many in her comments section seem to feel otherwise. "The word of the day is 'rude.' You were rude to your husband!" one person wrote. "You treat him like a child," wrote another. "Emasculating," wrote another. Others defended the couple. "You guys are a beautiful family," one person wrote. "The love for one another and your children is a beautiful thing," wrote another. "You are the best thing that ever happened to him and I love seeing real love like yours!" wrote another.
"The whole point is that we interrupt each other all the time," Hilaria added in the video.
Though one awkward moment can't tell the whole story of any relationship, the exchange does shine a light on the importance of healthy communication. If you feel your partner is interrupting or otherwise condescending, it's important to talk about the issue with them in an appropriate manner, relationship experts say.
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"In a healthy relationship, you listen to your partner, you take that criticism as a construction and you say, 'Let's work on this together,'" marriage and family therapist Karina Hester previously told Paste BN. "'Let me know next time this is happening. I may not be aware of it.'"
The toll of condescension in a relationship
Therapists say condescending behavior can take many forms, ranging from subtle to outright rude. Examples include belittling comments, patronizing questions, frequent interruptions, eye-rolling, sarcasm and mean jokes.
"It's more common than people think," Sara Nasserzadeh, a social psychologist specializing in sexuality, relationships and intercultural fluency, previously told Paste BN of condescending behavior, adding that, cumulatively, these actions can take a vast toll on a relationship. "It's like a little chip away from the trust and respect that you have for your partner."
No matter how it manifests, condescension can be problematic if it is persistent, Kiaundra Jackson, a marriage and family therapist, previously told Paste BN. Effects of frequent condescension can include increased anxiety and depression and a diminishment of one's self-worth.
How do I know if my partner is condescending?
The first step in addressing this behavior is knowing when it's happening. If you're unsure if you and your partner are stuck in this dynamic, try asking yourself these questions:
- What does my partner say to me? Condescension, Jackson previously said, is most often verbal. "What someone says is very important," she said. "If the interaction isn't positive or if (you're) not being uplifted in the conversation, that's a red flag."
- How does my partner speak to me? Sometimes how a person speaks to you is more important than what they're saying. If your partner takes a patronizing tone or talks down to you, even while making a reasonable request, take note, Jackson said.
- How does my partner act around me? Condescension also happens nonverbally. For instance, if you catch them rolling their eyes, that can be a sign of condescension, Nasserzadeh said.
- How frequently does my partner do this? How often your partner condescends can clue you in to the severity of the behavior, Hester said, adding that "repetition of behaviors" is "more damaging than a mistake."
Most importantly, Nasserzadeh said, trust your intuition: "When you feel a poke is coming your way or a sign of disrespect is showing up, don't ignore it."