As Cassie shares graphic abuse details in Diddy trial, are we all asking the wrong question?
Casandra Ventura Fine told a jury that her ex-boyfriend Sean “Diddy” Combs physically abused her, from hitting her in the face to kicking her, during her first day on the stand in Combs' criminal trial for racketeering conspiracy, sex trafficking and transportation to engage in prostitution. He also had her "career in his hands," the rhythm and blues singer, best known as "Cassie," said on May 13.
This came one day after Daniel Phillip, a former male stripper who took the stand during cross-examination on May 12, and described graphic details of the physical abuse he says he witnessed Ventura Fine endure. Phillip recalled one instance where he heard Combs yelling at Ventura Fine before Combs left the room in a towel. Phillip said that Cassie “jumped into my lap, shaking. I asked her, ‘Why is she doing this? Why is she staying with this guy if he is hitting and beating her like this?’”
Phillip's reaction isn't uncommon, and he also noted in his testimony that he worried for his own safety during interactions with Combs. Victims of abuse often get asked why they stay, but it's a question psychologists and sociologists say rarely helps, and can result in “victim-blaming."
Research has shown there are many reasons that victims struggle to leave their abusers, including the threat of escalated violence. And there are other, more helpful questions to ask someone who is in an abusive relationship.
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According to a 2020 study by the National Coalition of Domestic Violence, 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men experience sexual violence, physical violence and/or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime. And approximately 1 in 5 female victims and 1 in 20 male victims need medical care as a result. The most dangerous time for a victim’s safety can be when they leave the abusive relationship; leaving an abusive partner or informing them of plans to leave can put a victim at a greater risk of intimate partner homicide or violence.
"A lot of victims are safer staying in an abusive relationship than they are leaving one, especially if they haven’t had a chance to safety plan," explains sociologist Nicole Bedera. "Victims tend to be very good at determining when it’s safe to leave, and it’s important that the rest of us respect their expertise about the violence patterns of their perpetrator."
In court, the prosecution asked Phillip why he didn’t go to the police. “I was concerned for my life,” he said. “I had no idea if I’d be met with a gun. My life was at risk if I did.”
Why is it so difficult to leave an abusive relationship?
Any reactions that focus on the victim's behavior may take away from discussing the abuse inflicted by the perpetrator.
“The decision to remain in an abusive relationship is influenced by a range of complex and deeply personal factors,” says Elizabeth L. Jeglic, a clinical psychologist specializing in sexual violence and professor at the John Jay College of Criminal Justice, City University of New York. “It is wrong to assume that leaving an abusive relationship is a simple or available option for those in abusive relationships.”
Common barriers to leaving abusive relationships include fear of retaliation, financial dependence, psychological manipulation, and concern for the safety and well-being of themselves or loved ones.
“The abuser often succeeds in psychologically and physically isolating them from others so that they may feel like there is nowhere for them to go for help,” Jeglic adds.
Ventura Fine, who is pregnant with her third child with husband Alex Fine, is testifying that Combs abused her over many years. She was 19 when she met Combs; he was 17 years older, established in the music industry, and signed her to a 10-album deal. These types of power imbalances can allow abusers to coerce and manipulate their victims.
Ventura Fine testified that Combs would take away electronics, her car, jewelry and her "self-confidence." “Physical things didn’t matter. I just wanted his approval,” she said.
Cognitive biases like the “halo effect” can also protect a public figure's image in the face of sexual abuse allegations, leaving survivors who speak out subject to shame and disbelief.
When we have a positive impression of someone like Combs, a Grammy-winning artist who received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and was awarded an honorary doctorate from Howard University, Jeglic says the public tends to "discount the information that is incongruent with our perception of him," especially when someone with "less status than him" comes forward. "He was a larger-than-life musician," Ventura Fine told jurors.
In a 2024 study conducted by Chloe Grace Hart, an assistant professor of sociology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, she found that Americans were less likely to say they believed a Black woman describing a sexual harassment experience compared to a white women describing the same thing.
"That suggests that when it comes to sexual violence, Black women survivors face a particularly steep uphill battle to be believed," Hart previously told Paste BN.
It can sometimes take irrefutable evidence before people change their perception of a celebrity, such as when the video of Combs assaulting Ventura at the hotel came out.
Attending Combs' 'freak-offs' made Cassie feel 'worthless'
During Venture Fine's testimony, she was asked by the prosecution why she continued to attend Combs' "freak off" parties if they made her uncomfortable.
She said she "didn't want anything bad to happen," clarifying that she did not want Combs to become violent or find someone new.
“When you really care about somebody and love them, you don’t want to disappoint them,” Ventura Fine said. She cried and sniffled, and said she “gently” tried to broach the subject of no longer doing “freak offs.”
“Doing this made me feel horrible. It made me feel worthless,” she said of the “freak offs.” When she expressed her discomfort, she said Combs was “dismissive” and her feelings were “unheard.”
She went on to call Combs “a scary person.”
How to help victims of abuse
Victim-blaming happens when society or individuals place responsibility, or blame, on a victim for the harm they have experienced, rather than on the perpetrator. This can look like asking why the victim didn’t leave the relationship sooner, or asking someone who was raped “what they were wearing,” and can lead victims to believe the abuse was their fault. It can also perpetuate the cycle of abuse by allowing perpetrators to evade accountability.
"Abusers also teach victims to blame themselves for the abuse, leading a lot of victims to believe they have an obligation to stay and fix the dynamic of the relationship," Bedera adds.
Rather than scrutinizing the victim, one right course of action is to "center survivors," says Crystal Justice, Chief External Affairs Officer of the National Domestic Violence Hotline (The Hotline).
"Domestic violence is complex and a public health crisis that we all need to learn more about," Justice previously told Paste BN. "For those who have seen recent coverage and are feeling compelled to take action on this issue, we encourage you to learn to a recognize the warning signs of abuse, listen to survivors when they share their experience with you, offer help to survivors when it’s safe to do so, and volunteer or donate to your local hotline or shelter to ensure services are available to survivors when they need it.”
If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or text "START" to 88788.
Contributing: Naledi Ushe and Patrick Ryan