The 'Love Island' drama, allegations and when a friend group implodes
After JaNa Craig dumped fellow islander Kenny Rodriguez, the famous friend group of "Love Island USA" Season 6 took sides.
Craig confirmed her relationship with Rodriguez was over, claiming the truth is more "disgusting" than any of the speculation that has flooded the internet. Rodriguez later replied via social media post that included "I release this chapter with no ill will."
The sentiment wasn't shared by fellow islanders. Leah Kateb and Serena Page, and their respective partners, Miguel Harichi and Kordell Beckham, unfollowed Rodriguez on Instagram. Kateb alleged Rodriguez was racist. Olivia "Liv" Walker accused Rodriguez of chasing fame. Most of the cast of Peacock spinoff "Love Island: Beyond the Villa" are not following Rodriguez (who is on the show). Paste BN reached out to Peacock for comment.
The friend group will never be the same.
Friends groups fizzle all the time. We move cities. Interest change. We replace half our friends every seven years. The door doesn't always shut forever. But sometimes a clean break is justified, according to Danielle Bayard Jackson, friendship educator and author of "Fighting for our Friendships." This is especially true in the case of allegations of toxic or abusive behavior, Jackson said. Even if that person extends goodwill, as Rodriguez did, we may need to step away to protect ourselves, as JaNa and the others did, she said.
"We can recognize that a person feels remorseful and regretful of what they said, that a person was in a place of ignorance and unlearning certain ideas," Jackson said. "It doesn't absolve or protect you from the consequences that come with that."
When friend groups fizzle
A violation of trust can end a friend group, Jackson said. When foundational beliefs suddenly change, we feel emotionally and physically unsafe, Jackson said.
Rescinding friendship isn't about punishment, though, Jackson said. "It's because 'I can't exist safely, freely, vulnerably and wholly with you.'"
Jackson said she empathized with the "disillusionment" the islanders experience after trust is broken.
"That is a psychological bending that can be really hard to navigate," Jackson said.
Friend groups should affirm how we want to be seen, Jackson said. For Craig, a Black woman with a highly visible platform, it's especially devastating that Rodriguez would threaten, rather than affirm, her identity, Jackson said.
"I don't need you to be a Black person to be my friend," Jackson said of the role of race in friend groups. "But I need you to recognize that I am a Black woman."
We don't always see this level of direct confrontation when a group member is accused of being dangerous, according to Jessica Calarco, a sociologist at the University of Wisconsin.
"Most will tend to continue the friendship," Calarco said. "This is because when someone close to us – or even similar to us – engages in violent or toxic behavior, we're less likely to blame them for their actions than we would be if we saw the same behavior from someone to whom we're not close."
Gender factors, too: Friend groups can be a hugely instrumental for women escaping toxicity in a romantic relationship, according to Calarco. Meanwhile, for some men, friend groups can serve as a blanket defense, she said, with less liklihood of isolating individuals. This isn't always the case, but can often be direct confrontation doesn't occur.
"If you think your friend did something terrible, you probably won't lobby to kick them out of the group unless you think that the rest of the group is already on your side," Calarco wrote. "Supporting friends through toxic breakups is also particularly hard for those who are also friends with the partner responsible for the abusive behavior, given the competing obligations involved."
As tempting as it is, don't pose ultimatums to friends, Jackson said. And don't assume friends will automatically be loyal – articulate what you want and let them act. Try saying: "If you can't do (insert behavior), I don't know how to stay friends."
Forgiveness and unfriendly aren't mutally exclusive, Jackson said.
"We can hold space and have empathy for someone who says they've grown," Jackson said. "In the same vein, we can choose not to be in relationships."
Contributing: KiMi Robinson