Despite data breach, controversy, these women say Tea app is indispensable
A week after Tea, a women’s dating safety app, soared to No. 1 on the app store with more than 2.5 million requests to join, the app experienced a data breach. The result? More than 70,000 of user-submitted images used for photo identification and 59,000 more posts and comments were leaked. Tea is actively working with cybersecurity experts and law enforcement to support an investigation.
Despite the widely-reported breach, Tea is currently No. 2 on the app store. Never heard of it? You're not alone but it's developed a passionate and dedicated following, especially among certain groups of women who say it makes them feel safer in an increasingly unpredictable online landscape. Tea allows women to anonymously discover "red flags" about men they're interacting with through crowdsourced updates, reverse image searches and background checks. The app also has a forum where women ask for advice. Critics say misinformation can run rampant in these anonymous discussions, but some women who've been in abusive relationships say the app is indispensable to them. It makes them feel safer.
Jessica Mahoney signed up for Tea a few months ago. She had recently gotten out of a two-year-long abusive relationship and was ready to start dating again. As she scrolled through videos about how to spot narcissistic behavior and catch cheaters, she saw a woman mention Tea.
Once she made an account and logged on, Mahoney posted about the new man she had met on Facebook. She was wary of getting involved with someone again. Not long after, three women replied to her thread and said that he invited each of them to his house, slept with them and then never talked to them again. “It's all about overthinking and trying to protect myself," Mahoney explained. Her relationship with ex her left her feeling like she couldn't trust her intuition.
When she looked at the app further, she saw a community of women who had similarly been in abusive relationships.
One woman commented that the forum on the app helped her find out about sexual assault allegations against a man she met while walking her dog. Another woman said the Tea app allowed her a safe space to process her feelings after a drug dealer got her pregnant and disappeared. Another said when she posted about a man who assaulted her in 2022, she found out through the app that she wasn’t the only one.
At the same time, Mahoney was dealing with legal battles against her abusive ex-boyfriend. Temporary restraining orders, permanent restraining orders, insurance claims from her hospital visit and civil litigation took over her life. She said that such barriers often make domestic violence survivors feel silenced. The app was an outlet.
Mahoney posted about her experiences with the legal system on the forum, saying that she felt like it was failing her. Others validated her experience in the comments section.
Anonymous digital peer support is of “huge value,” said Olivia Montgomery, services director at LifeWire, an organization that helps domestic violence survivors with housing, legal advocacy and resources. When survivors leave abusive relationships, she said, there is often a lack of trust in the legal system that creates a hesitation for them to engage, especially if they’re a person of color.
Additionally, abusers often isolate survivors from their friends and family, which minimizes opportunities for them to seek help or confide in other people. Survivors frequently worry that they won't be believed, even if they have physical evidence.
“I think that it's a safe space for expression,” Montgomery said of the Tea app. “It creates a way that survivors can share their stories without that fear of exposure or backlash. They can hear from other people who have similar experiences, and that can be incredibly validating and help reduce that feeling of isolation.”
She said Tea and similar platforms also allow survivors to engage at their own pace and on their own terms, choosing when and how much they share, which is empowering.
Sarah Strauser is one of the many women on the app supporting domestic violence survivors. Her mission is rooted in her own experience as a survivor. When she was 18 years old, she got into a relationship with a man who was 10 years older than her and later turned abusive. She didn’t realize what was going on at the time – no one she knew had been in an abusive relationship and she didn’t know the signs. The relationship lasted five years. Once she broke up with him, his ex-girlfriends reached out to her sharing their own stories of abuse.
Strauser, who is now 25, said that when she found out about the Tea app, she wanted to warn its users about him. But she also wanted to help other women experiencing abuse recognize the signs and leave abusive relationships, something she had to figure out on her own.
“There were a lot of things I didn't realize were abuse,” Strauser said. “I'd be like, ‘What am I doing wrong?’ I've already seen a lot of posts about that there, about situations that I have been in. I'm like, 'Yeah, I know exactly what that feels like.’ And I'm able to then be like, ‘Hey, that happened to me. Please be careful. That's not a good situation.' ”
Mahoney has been sharing her healing journey as she recovers from the relationship. While her legal battle made her feel silenced, she said she found empowerment and encouragement by connecting with other women on the app. Now, she is the one giving advice to women who want to get out of similar situations.
“I want to try to be able to advocate with that sentiment, like, ‘I know what you're going through,’ being somebody that went through it and relived it and dealt with it and worked on herself,” Mahoney said. “I understand, and I'm able to help, and be a voice of encouragement, a beacon of hope.”
Strauser has a friend who also got out of a years-long abusive relationship recently. She told her friend about the Tea app, that it could be helpful to keep her safe.
“It's a scary world for women,” Strauser said. “You never know who's going to be good, who's going to be bad. It feels good to have like-minded people in one space being able to support each other and give advice and comfort and care. There aren't a lot of safe places for women.”