Michael Caine's triumphant Cannes return

CANNES, France ­-- Michael Caine returned to the Cannes Film Festival after nearly a half century absence on Wednesday. The 82-year-old legendary British actor made it abundantly clear just what the French have been missing all this time.

"I came 50 years ago for a movie called Alfie. Alfie won a prize and I didn't. So I never came back," Caine said in a press conference. "I'm not going to go all that way for nothing."

With his dry wit and willingness to tell a tale or two, Caine captivated at the press conference for his competition film Youth. Caine plays a retired composer on vacation with his film director friend, played by Harvey Keitel.

Caine told of being knighted by Queen Elizabeth II in 2000 and having to bite his tongue to keep out of trouble when she told him, "I have a feeling you have been doing what you do for a very long time."

"I almost said, 'And so have you,'" said Caine. "I said Michael, 'Keep your mouth shut, you're about to lose your knighthood or be taken to the tower and beheaded.'"

It was with this same slight smile that Caine hit on a variety of topics, including aging, which is explored in the film. During one Youth scene Caine takes his shirt off.

"It didn't matter to me. It's the only body I've got," said Caine simply. "I didn't do a Mr. Universe pose. It's an aging body. For people not old, this is what's going to happen. So don't get too smart about it."

He talked about the film's poster, which features Caine and Keitel in a pool staring at a beautiful naked woman entering.

"We're looking at what we have lost and what we're never going to get again. It's very sad," said Caine. "The poster makes me cry."

Yet Caine continues to work, whether in the The Dark Knight franchise, where he proudly refers to himself as "Batman's Butler," or the Paolo Sorrentino-directed Youth, which he admits he would have done for free.

He recalled having a conversation with his agent over a script years ago and finding out he was not "the lover" in the movie, but the grandfather.

"I found I wasn't going to get 'The Girl' anymore," said Caine. "But I was going to get the part."

He insisted that he was not sad about playing older characters.

"The only alternative to playing old people is playing dead people. I picked elderly people. That's a better idea," said Caine.

As for his long-awaited return to Cannes, Caine made it clear he's expecting some award hardware for the film also starring Jane Fonda, Rachel Weisz and Paul Dano. Even if it is fifty years late, he thinks they're due.

"The entire cast, is brilliant," said Caine, "We should all get multiple awards between us."