How to set the table, according to an etiquette expert
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Setting a formal dining table isn’t something that is done only in holiday movies or for magazine spreads. In fact, it is a tradition that is often a focal point when hosting a holiday meal. But, from knowing where to set the utensils and holiday plates to understanding how to fold napkins, to selecting an appropriate centerpiece, knowing how to set the table might feel overwhelming if it’s something you’ve never done before.
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You’ll be pleased to hear that the task is not a difficult one. Patricia Napier-Fitzpatrick, founder and president of The Etiquette School of New York and author of The Art of Dining Well—Everything You Need to Know to Shine at the Table, broke down how to set the table for the holidays into five easy steps, so that you can lose the stress and instead focus on enjoying the time with your guests.
Here’s how to set the table.
1. Select the seating area and prep the table
Select a space where your guests will not only have room to sit, but also be able to get up and sit back down should they need to. That may involve moving your table a bit or setting up a folding table, like this 8-foot by 3-foot option on Amazon, which can accommodate everyone. Next, select a tablecloth.
Napier-Fitzpatrick says, “Ideally, the tablecloth should hang no more than 12 inches from the top of the table, unless it is a floor-length tablecloth.”
Whether you desire a tablecloth that is festive or a neutral option that will be interchangeable from season to season, you should also consider if you need to use a table protector underneath your tablecloth, in the event that a hot plate is set on it or a drink is accidentally spilled.
Step 2: Lay out the dishes and utensils
There are a number of different considerations when it comes to formal place settings, but the main rules are:
Set dishes in the center of the place setting. The charger (largest) plate at the bottom, the salad plate on top, and the soup bowl on top of that.
The forks go to the left of the dishes. At mealtime, forks are used from the outside in; for example, if salad is being served first, the salad fork should be outermost, while the main meal fork should be closest to the plate.
The bread plate and butter knife sit above the forks.
Set out knives and spoons to the right of the dishes. (The knives being inside and the spoons being outside.)
The glassware sits above the knives and spoons. Make sure to have enough glassware for all drinks including water, wine, and coffee/tea. Napier-Fitzpatrick recommends paying special attention to the cleanliness of the glassware since water spots are common and can make a place setting appear dirty.
Place dessert utensils on the table horizontally above the dishes. Don’t place the dessert plates on the dishes directly. For example, if you are only having cake, you don’t need a spoon. Alternatively, if you are only having sorbet, you don’t need a fork.
Put a set of salt and pepper shakers at the end of each table. For smaller tables, one set in the center is fine.
Plan and prepare for what serving utensils are needed. If you are serving a turkey, carving utensils should be on hand, or if you are having mashed potatoes, a serving spoon should be served with the bowl.
Step 3: Fold the napkins
Folding the napkins may feel like an art form you aren’t familiar with, but this step is easy enough that you can even get the kids to help. “Napkins are a personal choice,” explains Napier-Fitzpatrick. “They provide an opportunity for the host to showcase their sense of style sense.”
Whether you choose to fold them into a fan or roll them into a napkin ring, Napier-Fitzpatrick recommends using napkins that are linen or cotton.
There are organic options as well, but Napier-Fitzpatrick suggests that no matter what napkin you choose, they all should be ironed and wrinkle-free, assuring that “they don’t even all need to match, they simply need to coordinate.” Once folded, set the napkins on top of the plates to bring the setting together into a decorated space.
Step 4: Dress up the setting
“When you go to a formal dinner party, the aesthetic pleasure is almost as appealing as eating the meal,” explains Napier-Fitzpatrick. “It says that you care enough to make it nice for your guests, to make it festive, and to make it appealing,” which is why dressing up the place setting can be just as important, if not more important, than the rest of the table setting.
Place cards are an excellent idea, especially if guests may not know each other, partners desire to sit together, to assure honored guests are seated near the host, or even just to make people feel welcome.
They also show guests that you have prepared a space especially for them, as if you are greeting them to your holiday meal.
“For formal meals, seating plays an important part in placing guests at the table,” explains Napier-Fitzpatrick, “I for instance, always placed my mother-in-law to my husband’s right side at the table for Thanksgiving.”
It’s also a great idea to set your table with a small gift for your guests which can double as décor, dessert, or a little take-home gift.
“I am a huge fan of little chocolate turkeys,” Napier-Fitzpatrick says, although the options are endless from a small ornament to an initialed wine glass charm.
Step 5: Select and arrange the centerpiece
“The biggest mistake that a host can make when selecting a centerpiece, is to choose something that is too large or too tall,” warns Napier-Fitzpatrick. “A good rule of thumb in how to set the table is to make sure that your guests can see and interact with each other across the table.”
Another word of caution she has is to make sure that whatever you choose isn’t too fragrant.
“Strongly scented flowers or candles can actually affect the way guests perceive their food,” she says, since your sense of smell and taste are so closely intertwined.
But beyond that, the options are endless and you can really let your creative side shine. Low-set glass dishes filled with artificial gourds and pumpkins, ornaments, pinecones, or other festive items are a popular choice, and battery-powered candles can really help to set the ambience, while still keeping safety in mind.
Yet whatever you choose, make sure that you leave room for the main dishes if you plan to set them on the table during the meal; you don’t want everything to appear cramped.
Bonus step: Relax and make your guests feel welcome
Napier-Fitzpatrick says the key to stress-free entertaining lies in planning ahead and being organized, but going easy on yourself.
“Although the food and wine, service, and settings are certainly key ingredients to a successful dinner party, so is the understanding of the hosts that the most important factor in how to set the table is making sure that the guests feel welcome," she explains.
"It doesn’t matter if the table setting isn’t perfect or things don’t match. In fact, don’t expect everything to be perfect," she cautions. "Focus your efforts on making people feel welcome, and as long as you have provided enough food, something that everyone likes to eat, and everyone has a knife and a fork, you’ll be just fine.”
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