Mormons struggle with same-sex policy changes

ST. GEORGE, Utah — Disbelief. Hurt. Anger. Confusion. Sadness.

All these feelings and more arose Thursday night and Friday morning in Mormon households and on social media sites as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints struggled to understand changes to an official handbook for LDS leaders.

New language regarding same-sex marriage in the handbook given to the church’s lay leadership — bishops and stake presidents — classifies those who enter into such marriages as apostates and indicates that their children should not receive certain church ordinances and blessings.

The Associated Press reports that the new rules stipulate that children of parents in a same-sex relationship — be it marriage or just living together — can no longer receive a blessing as an infant, be baptized when they are about 8 years old, or serve a mission as young adults unless they disavow the practice of same-sex relationships, turn 18 and are no longer living with gay parents; and get approval from their local leader and the highest leaders at church headquarters in Salt Lake City.

Adam Johnson, an 18-year-old high school senior from Hurricane, is among those affected by this policy change. His mothers — Angela Hinton and Michele Poast — were together before he was baptized at age 10. They married in December 2013 when same-sex marriage was first legalized in Utah. Although Hinton, his birth mother, no-long attends church, Johnson remains an active Latter-day Saint.

“I don’t want to choose between my parents and my faith,” Johnson said. “They totally support me in the church. I want to be a member of the church. I do. But I don’t want to renounce my parents for what they’re doing. I don’t think it’s wrong.”

Church leaders have said that same-gender attraction is not inherently sinful but acting on that attraction by entering into a same-sex relationship falls within the parameters of what the church considers to be a sin. LDS spokesman Eric Hawkins issued a statement Thursday that reaffirmed the church’s stance in opposition to same-sex marriage.

“While it respects the law of the land, and acknowledges the right of others to think and act differently, it does not perform or accept same-sex marriage within its membership,” Hawkins said of the church’s stance.

Some members of the church had sought to explain the reasoning behind the change.

The blog “A Well-Behaved Mormon Woman” featured a guest writer, Michael Terrence Worley, who offered his thoughts on the change. He explained how children of people practicing polygamy cannot be baptized unless they meet similar guidelines to those now required for the children of same-sex couples. He also spoke about the extra requirements for people who convert from Islam to Mormonism.

These boundaries, Worley wrote, provide protections for the church, the prospective member and the family. In regard to children in these situation who seek to join the church, Worley said the extra requirements helps ensure that they do not lose vital family relationships and even basic necessities like food and shelter. It also protects those children from being taught in church that their parents are sinners, creating familial conflict.

FAMILY DYNAMICS

Even some staunch Latter-day Saints remain confused about the policy for children. Various posts on social media questioned how the new policy does not contradict the church’s second Article of Faith, which states, “We believe that men will be punished for their own sins, and not for Adam’s transgression.”

Most Latter-day Saints understand that verse — considered scripture by the faithful — to mean that children should not be punished for the sins of their parents.

Johnson is especially troubled by the section of the policy that calls on children of same-sex spouses to disavow “the practice of same-gender cohabitation and marriage” in order to serve a mission and receive other blessings. He said it makes him feel like the church is saying his family is less because he has two moms.

Yet Johnson and his sister, Ashalee Soule, said they feel as if their family is better off than many of what the church calls “traditional families.”

“I can tell you my experience with gay parents was much better than my experience with straight parents,” Soule said, referring to Hinton’s earlier relationship with Soule’s father. “I’m always going to support her and show unconditional love because that’s what she does for me.”

LGBTQ advocacy groups like Equality Utah and the Mama Dragons — a collective of mostly LDS or formerly LDS mothers of LGBTQ children — both issued statements in response to the policies.

“In America all churches have the religious liberty to welcome or exclude whomever they desire,” said Troy Williams, executive director of Equality Utah. “But we know that children of same-sex parents are treasures of infinite worth. In our universe, all God’s children have a place in the choir.”

A CRISIS OF FAITH

Linda Stay, a former member of the LDS Church, a mother of gay children and a local advocate for LGBTQ rights, said she believes the policy change will lead to more Latter-day Saints leaving the church — including straight members of the church with gay loved ones.

“This is a big one,” she said. “It really is a crisis — a crisis of faith now for so many people.”

As someone who has left the church, Stay said she understands how difficult it can be. There are feelings of grief and a sense of lost identity. She described it as both a scary and difficult journey.

Stay said she believes the church will see a wave of people looking at whether they can truly continue to support a church with policies like these. What she has already heard from some people via social media is that no, they cannot continue.

“The sadness and the pain is palpable on Facebook,” Stay said. “Policies like this and statements like this really are damaging to our families and divisive.”

Hinton and Poast have five adult children. Hinton said they resolved to stay together as a family and do what families do best: love — regardless of what any religion says.

“We've raised our kids to love,” Hinton said. “We will continue to do just that.”

Yet she acknowledged it would not be easy for her children who remain active in the LDS Church. Family and faith both carry powerful emotions. That has long created a divide for gay Latter-day Saints and their loved ones. And these recent changes have widened that gap.

“It’s about following your heart,” Hinton said of her children. “And now I think their hearts are split.”