Virginia high school transgender student just wants to use the bathroom — and feel safe

CRIMORA, Va. — It was third grade when the Hawpe family approached the principal at Hugh K. Cassell Elementary. Their child had been assigned female at birth, but ever since he was 3 years old has identified as a male. Now, the family wanted the school to know their son's chosen name was Will.

There wasn't much pushback although the principal did ask the family if they were sure this was what they, and what Will, wanted. The family was told at the time Will was the youngest transgender student to transition in Augusta County Public Schools.

This school year, Will Hawpe, 14, will be a freshman at Wilson Memorial High School. While he and his family haven't been outspoken advocates for transgender rights over the years, they felt like now was the time as Augusta County debates policy changes to protect transgender students. 

"I'm just sad to see the hate and the ignorance and misunderstanding," said Will's mom, Amy Hawpe. "That's why I want to speak out."

The journey hasn't always been an easy one for Will. Early in his life, while his parents supported him, both mom and dad assumed their child was going through what they called a phase. They both admit now that they had never taken the time to educate themselves on what it was to be transgender. Amy used to have occasional talks with Will, asking him if he still felt the same way, if there were any other issues going on that he wanted to talk about. 

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Amy remembers once, when Will was being bullied, asking her son if it would be easier to be a girl. Will, who was in sixth grade at the time, looked at her and said, sure, it would be easier, but that wasn't who he was. Amy swore from that point on she'd never ask him that question again, and both parents have put in the effort to get educated on the subject. 

"There are a lot of people at my school who accept me and I'm friends with most of them," Will said, "but there are also some who ... like their parents have told them otherwise and they still are just on that, 'Oh, like it's bad, it's bad.' Even though I've grown up with them, they still aren't fully understanding because of what their parents have told them."

When Will was in elementary school he wanted to try out for a youth basketball team. The family walked into the gym, where boys were on one side and girls on the other. Amy explained to league officials that Will identified as a male and wanted to play on the boys team, although his birth certificate showed he was a girl. 

It was an odd situation for the family as league officials met in the corner of the gym, discussing their son. When they finally reached a decision, officials told the Hawpes that Will had to play on the girls team. 

It was hard for his parents to watch as Will practiced with the girls. Amy said she just wanted to cry. 

"It was just awkward because I presented male but I was with the girls," said Will, who only made it through about 15 minutes of the practice before walking over to his parents and telling them he couldn't do it. 

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His parents have offered to allow Will, who has two older sisters who have gone through Augusta County Public Schools, to transfer to a different school system, but Will doesn't want to. He's wants to graduate from Wilson Memorial, but what he really wants is for others to be more understanding. 

"I only have four more years left and I'm just going to get through it," he said.

Will has been seeing a therapist since elementary school. He's been on hormone blockers since he was 10 and testosterone since last year. The family has a consultation in December to discuss surgery, although they're not sure if now is the time. It's a big step, Amy said, but one that she knows is part of the journey. 

"It's another step for him to be himself," said Will's dad, Matt Hawpe. 

Will has had fellow students tell him that surgery is unholy because it's changing the body that God gave him. 

"I'm just like, shut up," Will said. "It's my body, right?" 

The family knows this issue is bigger than bathrooms, but they also know bathrooms have been one of the biggest discussion points of those in opposition to policy changes. Many in opposition say they fear that cisgender males will use the new policy to go into the girls restroom and assault females. That despite Augusta County officials saying that safeguards are in place to prevent that from happening and studies have shown it's not a problem in schools.

Will Hawpe has never used a male restroom while in school, although he has been using the men's room in public ever since he was in third grade, 

"I've been in the bathroom with him," said his dad. "I don't understand what the big deal is. You just go in the stall and use it."

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When he first began using the men's room in public, if Matt wasn't there to go in with him, Amy would stand outside the door just to make sure all was OK. Now that Will is a teenager, that's not even an issue.

"Now we're in Walmart or whatever and he's like, 'I gotta go to the bathroom,' I'm like, whatever," Amy said. "I don't even think twice about it."

School has been different though. The summer before third grade, when Will first came out publicly, the family asked if he could use the boys restroom. The principal didn't think it would be an issue, but wanted to talk to Eric Bond, the school system's superintendent. Bond called Amy Hawpe and said he didn't see an issue with it either. 

Then, a week before school began, the Hawpes got another another call saying, per legal advice, Will would have to use the bathroom of his sex assigned at birth. 

Since then, Will has not used the boys or girls restroom in school, instead always using a private bathroom, usually located in an out-of-the-way and inconvenient location like the nurse's office. In elementary school, before Cassell was renovated, the bathroom Will used was located in the main office. Since the elementary school was a pod school, that meant having to go outside, and in the winter put on a coat, to walk to the bathroom. 

Will decided it was easier just to restrict his intake of food and beverages so he could avoid using the bathroom. Because the cafeteria was in the main building with the office, Will could use the restroom at lunch, but other students would ask him why he was using a different one than everyone else. 

"I wouldn't give them a specific answer," Will said. "I'd just be like, just 'cause it's easier. I just lied to them." 

Once Will entered middle school the family hoped they would be a little more flexible, but that wasn't the case and he still had to use private restrooms. 

If the nondiscrimination policy had passed Thursday night at a special called school board meeting at Wilson Memorial High School, Will planned to use the male bathroom when he begins high school Aug. 10. Was he worried about that?

"I don't personally," he said, "but my mom does. I know she does."

Amy Hawpe does worry. She'd still prefer her son use a private bathroom because she's seen the statistics showing transgender students are much more likely to be assaulted in a bathroom than cisgender kids. The conclusion of a 2017 study said "that sexual assault is highly prevalent in transgender and nonbinary youth and that restrictive school restroom and locker room policies may be associated with risk."

It's not always easy to talk about his journey, but Will felt it was important to do so now.

"I really wanted to do this so that people will understand," he said. "There's a lot of confusion and people just don't understand."

Follow Patrick Hite on Twitter: @Patrick_Hite.