'Pain every day': Mom of Oxford shooting survivor details 14-year-old's recovery
DETROIT — Phoebe Arthur can tie her shoes again.
"That may not sound like a big deal to anyone, but it's huge," her mother, Sandy Arthur Cunningham, said this week. "She's working so hard."
At 14, Phoebe is one of seven survivors of a school shooting in November at Oxford High School that shredded the fabric of the town and extinguished the lives of four students.
Nearly two months after the shooting, Oxford High School reopens Monday. Students are returning to in-person classes amid several changes: the campus has undergone renovations after damage from the shooting; new safety measures are in place, such as clear backpack policy; and the district has implemented support measures aimed at helping students burdened with the mental toll a shooting takes.
Seven weeks have passed since her daughter was shot, and Cunningham has been reflecting on recovery and hope. She accepted an invitation to tell the story of one young girl to the Detroit Free Press, part of the Paste BN Network, to illustrate the power of love and encourage the helpers to keep helping.
'Barely move her fingertips'
Phoebe is recovering from multiple bullet wounds. Her cheek, her neck and her lower back are healing. One bullet went through her first rib, damaged the left lobe of her lung, and exited out her back.
"She still has pain every day. Nerve pain, as all the doctors have said, is the worst pain anyone will ever go through," Cunningham said.
Phoebe has a blast injury to a network of nerves in her shoulder called the brachial plexus, which Johns Hopkins University describes as the site that carries movement and sensory signals from the spinal cord to the arms and hands. This injury carries with it pain, weakness and numbness in the left arm and hand.
Now Phoebe goes to occupational therapy appointments three times a week, spending one hour in the car each way for 90 minutes of treatment.
"She was in screaming pain for weeks, until the doctors were able to help find a way for her not to be in so much pain," Cunningham said. "She had no use of her left arm at the beginning. She couldn’t even barely move her fingertips while in the hospital. As Phoebe put it, it was like she could see that her arm was there and attached but it didn’t feel like it was there. Her injuries were substantial."
LAWSUIT: Oxford school officials knew suspect brought bird's head, bullets to school before shooting
The student who loves to run and crochet and paint and draw and make bracelets for friends suddenly has use of only one arm.
"She usually holds it up with her other arm. Now she’s starting to gain strength. ... It's like having an appendage that you can’t really move or do anything with," Cunningham said. "It's tiring for her."
With the help of therapists, Phoebe stretches her shoulder and her arm. She works to put pegs into a hole. She tries to push on clamps and remove them. Imagine a clothespin you’re trying to open. She has to practice doing things like that to try to get her body to start working again.
Many medical tests remain to be done to find out whether Phoebe's nerves have been severed and whether surgery might help repair the damage inflicted by a school shooter.
Hour by hour
Phoebe doesn't know when she'll return to school.
"We live hour by hour. We’re just seeing how things go," Cunningham said. "With all of her appointments and everything, it will be a little challenging."
Phoebe has two older siblings who no longer live at home. Her younger brother leaves for middle school by 6:15 a.m., her stepfather leaves by 7:15 a.m. and finally her littlest brother catches the bus at 8:15 a.m.
Then Phoebe and her mom spend the day together with Colby the cat figuring it all out.
"We spend a lot of time talking," Cunningham said.
Phoebe has declined talking to the news media. She is focused on healing.
Being at home with family and friends and watching movies including "Mamma Mia," and reruns of "Friends" — because it's light and funny — and listening to music is comforting. Phoebe spends time with Eli Mueller, who was shot in the face as he walked with her in the hallway on that day no one can forget.
"Six other children were injured. Four families have a way worse outcome than we received. Keep all these families in prayers," Cunningham said.
She began to cry when she started talking about other Oxford families.
"We know we have each other to lean on," Cunningham said. "It's just helpful to hear from other parents how they’re doing, how they’re holding up. It’s very emotional, very overwhelming, very life changing. In this situation, it’s nice to know you’re not alone."
Every day has a sameness as families focus on moving forward.
"Some moments we will be angry about what he did. Some moments we’re just really sad about it. Some moments you’re actually OK for a second — you’re just, like, cleaning the house and doing the normal things you would have done beforehand. You run a quick load of laundry and you don’t think about it for one second," Cunningham said, not mentioning the name of the 15-year-old suspect.
Phoebe doesn't like to be alone in the dark anymore. But the family is starting to sleep through the night now, after being unable to do so for weeks.
"Everything has completely changed," Cunningham said. "He stole her innocence. He stole her youth. He stole her happiness. In such a brief instant, he changed the totality of her life."
The secret to recovery is the community of Oxford and its generosity, Cunningham said. "The lengths that people have gone to — to be kind and caring."
MORE: Survivor Phoebe Arthur goes home: 'She is a fighter'
#OxfordStrong
Oxford families started a meal train at the beginning of January. Volunteers have signed up and every night somebody brings a meal, so that Phoebe and her family don’t have to think about dinner. It may be pizza or homemade chicken and dumplings or soup or lasagna.
This is done for other families devastated by the violence.
"It’s just one less thing to think about, which we’re so grateful for," Cunningham said. "People have been just so wonderful."
A gift of something as simple as gas cards, which donors have provided, is so helpful for Oxford families who spend hours every week seeking medical care as the children fight to recover, Cunningham said.
Thinking about going back to school, well, it's all uncertain right now.
"We’re taking it little bits at a time," Cunningham said. "When we get there, we’ll deal with it. Honestly, it’s literally one hour, one day at a time."
Phoebe is not alone in her focus on getting better.
Her classmate Eli has had five teeth removed, wrote family member Michelle Carter-Johnston on his GoFundMe.com page earlier this month. Now he's coping with health issues related to being on a liquid diet after the shooting. Eli also visited a hand specialist to look at a finger broken by a bullet.
"It's healing well but the bullet may have severed a nerve in his finger and that still has to heal," Carter-Johnson wrote. "The doctor is hopeful it will since Eli is so young still, but for now, half of his pointer finger is numb."
Donations to the GoFundMe accounts help pay these medical bills. It is essential that donors know their dollars make a difference, Oxford families and their supporters told the Free Press.
"Each day he is moving forward and continuing to heal physically," wrote Barbara Williamson Crumback, an aunt of survivor Aiden Watson, on Jan. 20 on a GoFundMe page. "His wounds are finally closing, which is a blessing, this has been so scary for him and his family! Just a simple task as to taking a shower without a lot of assistance is amazing after 50 days! Emotionally and mentally will take a little longer as our family is learning through all of this."
The passing of time feels different for these families now, and life is about carefully managing expectations.
"Had the slap in the face of how long recovery will actually take. 6 months to a year. We knew the road was long. We didn’t know how long. Now we know and can move forward accordingly," Cunningham wrote on Phoebe's GoFundMe page Dec. 16.
A few weeks later, Cunningham posted a New Year's Eve message on Facebook: "To our wonderful community, our friends, and our family — words will never be enough to express our gratitude for each and every one of you ... May 2022 be a safer, happier place for all of us. Keep being kind and caring to one another. Tons of love to you all."
The GoFundMesite has nine verified accounts related to the Oxford tragedy. It can be found at gofundme.com/c/act/oxford-high-school-shooting-fundraisers.
Contact Phoebe Wall Howard:on Twitter at @phoebesaid.