Divorced parents head to court to settle disputes over COVID vaccinations for children

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More than 35% of Americans nationwide have not been fully vaccinated against COVID, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention as of February 2022. While pro-vaccine and anti-vaccine parties may never see eye to eye, the dispute becomes heartbreaking when family members disagree. And, when divorced parents with opposing stances on vaccination can’t come to an agreement, a judge often must make the decision.

An unprecedented time 

Attorney Nicholas Iannuzzi, Jr. of Sassoon Cymrot Law LLC in Newton, Massachusetts, who has been practicing family law for more than 30 years, said COVID has led to unprecedented conundrums for his clients and the court system. Many parents with shared custody who have differing opinions about vaccinating their children are heading to court.

“People are very upset, sick of COVID. They’re exhausted. Especially people who are in the court system who want to get their cases over with, but once the case is over with, problems continue,” said Iannuzzi. “Raising children right now is very difficult in the COVID world.” 

Family law attorney Hindell Grossman, also with Sassoon Cymrot Law, LLC, said they had many new cases in 2020 and 2021, and in the new year after the holidays.

“If they’re already not getting along, it puts a tremendous amount of pressure on their marriage,” said Iannuzzi. “It’s not just the COVID vaccine, it’s relatives they see, whether or not they go to school remotely or in person. Sometimes that’s the thing that pushes them over the top."

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“If they each take a position and dig their heels in for whatever reasons they have, legitimate or not, rational or not, there has to be someone to make a decision which is why we have judges,” said Grossman.

Iannuzzi recently had a case that took about four months to get resolved due to back-ups in the court system. A Middlesex County judge ruled in favor of his client who wanted his teenage child vaccinated. However, Iannuzzi said the outcome could have been different if it was another judge. 

There are other judges who may not have ruled in favor of vaccinating the child or who may have asked for the pediatrician’s opinion, he said.

“Some judges are more liberal. Some judges are far more conservative in their views on parenting and on custody and on disputes between parents. They really want the parents to settle it between themselves. They don’t want to make decisions on who gets the child on Easter or Thanksgiving or Christmas or vacations, and they certainly don’t want to be making medical decisions concerning vaccines and things like that,” said Iannuzzi.

Chief Justice John D. Casey of the Massachusetts Probate and Family Court sent a letter to parents and attorneys in May 2021 urging them to work together to resolve these new COVID-related issues outside the court system.

“When these issues come before the Court, the judges will apply the law as it currently exists and make decisions that are in the best interests of the children,” the letter states.

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Couples therapist weighs in

Dr. Jennifer Leigh, clinical psychologist at YM Psychotherapy and Consultation, Inc. in Belmont, Massachusetts, and lecturer on psychology at Harvard Medical School, said her practice has been full as a result of COVID issues, particularly with blended families.

One couple subsequently sought a divorce, after she could not help them see eye-to-eye.

“One partner was very embedded in the conspiracy worldview, had not trust in her spouse or any medical expert for that matter.  I have heard from the pro-vaccine partner that the judge granted him the authority to make medical decisions, so he was able to get their children vaccinated,” said Leigh.

Pediatricians are caught in middle

Pre-pandemic, Dr. Deborah James of Children’s Garden Pediatrics in Cambridge, Massachusetts, has never faced issues as contentious as COVID in her 20 years of practicing. 

Research from a project conducted by the Kaiser Family Foundation in January 2022 reveals 24% of parents and guardians would definitley not get their child vaccinated; three In 10 parents say they'll get their child under the age of five vaccinated as soon as possible when a COVID-19 vaccine is authorized for their age group.

James understands why parents are concerned since the vaccine for children ages 5 to 11 has only been around for a year. Although she uses science to educate hesitant parents, it doesn’t always help parents come around.

James recently witnessed a divorced couple’s dispute over vaccinating their child who became eligible last summer. The father was immunocompromised and wanted his child to get vaccinated. The mother and her new partner were against the vaccination.

“There have been multiple discussions,” said James.

She even witnessed a screaming argument between the exes while they were on a conference call with her.

“It’s hard to step back and say, ‘I will not get in the middle of this.’ I’ve told you what the guidelines are and what my opinion is based on the guidelines. You need to work this out for yourselves,” she said.

James said it doesn’t matter how much information and facts she shares with someone who believes a conspiracy theory or has decided, ‘over my dead body will this child be immunized.’ 

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“At that point, it’s not about facts anymore when it becomes about ideology. It doesn’t matter what expert you bring in,” said James.

She is concerned kids are being used as pawns in parents’ power struggles.

“To me, that is always wrong whether it’s about vaccines or anything else. Parents need to work out their own issues and leave the kids out of it,” said James.

In another case, James said a patient's mother is concerned because her child is being shunned socially because they live in a community with high immunization rates.

“People have stopped inviting her children because they were unimmunized,” said James.

Avoiding court through mediation

Mediation is another way parents with shared custody of their children can resolve a COVID vaccine dispute, but it is not binding. The parents go voluntarily and have to be open-minded to take the suggestion from the mediator, but the mediator doesn’t offer a binding decision like a judge does, according to Grossman.

Dr. Alan Fruzzetti, director, Training in Family Services for the 3East Continuum for McLean Hospital in Belmont, Massachusetts, and author of “The High Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation,” has been a mediator for couples who can’t see eye to eye when it comes to the COVID vaccine for their children.

He said the COVID-19 vaccination is a lightening rod for couples with ongoing conflict.

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“The essence of mediating is to try to get their best version of themselves out there so they can have a constructive disagreement instead of a situation where they are trying to win or trying to annihilate each other,” said Fruzzetti.

Sometimes, he said it helps to separate the couple to help them put aside the things that are making them angry or sad and focus on the emotion that has to do with the problem on the table. Those emotions have to be left aside.