Handmade, from the heart: See crocheters' healing gifts for organ donor families
Barbara Mielnicki was more than ready to talk about her son, Vincent.
She had written out her thoughts, wanting to make sure she didn't forget anything, that she got her words just right: how much he loved his three daughters; how she would always have an ice tea ready for him when he came to visit; his favorite meals, such as his mom's spaghetti and meatballs and London broil.
She was heartbroken when he died of cardiac arrest in 2022, just 43 years old.
The New Jersey mom and grandmother remembered the terrible time when her son was in the intensive care unit and the anguish the family felt when they realized they had to let him go.
She said she'll never forget how, in the midst of "a million impossible decisions," Vincent's family allowed his organs to be donated to save others. An entourage escorted Vincent's body to the operating room, an "honor walk" with doctors, nurses and others standing still against the walls as he was wheeled past in a show of appreciation.
Mielnicki carries a bit of Vincent's ashes with her in a locket around her neck.
She also has another keepsake to remember him, one made by people she's never met: A "comfort" blanket lovingly crocheted by a group of volunteers − who are sending threads of solace to grieving family members of organ donors whose final gifts go to recipients across the nation.
"I cried when I opened the blanket," Mielnicki said. "It's so beautiful and it's handmade. It really touched my heart. I keep it with me when I sleep."
Support throughout the grieving process
Mielnicki recalls the kindness of the doctors, nurses and everyone else who helped them through her family's ordeal, including NJ Sharing Network. The network works with 54 hospitals across 14 counties in North Jersey to support a donor's survivors through the donation process and beyond, said Alyssa D’Addio, vice president of hospital and community services.
NJ Sharing Network offers emotional and grief support, workshops, keepsakes and other resources for survivors; it also keeps donors' memories alive through memorial walls, 5K fundraisers and a meditation garden. And volunteers crochet comfort blankets and shawls for organ donors' kin − a program launched in 2010 known as Wrapped in Love.
Organ donation "gives (loved ones) back some control, allows them to make something good come from tragedy, and gives them a chance at healing," D'Addio said. Organ donations go to recipients all over the U.S.
Wrapped in Love's blankets and shawls are sent to families two years after their loved one's death.
"We want them to know they're not forgotten," D'Addio said. "And remind them that we're still with them and will be as long as they want us."
About 40 volunteers made 883 blankets and shawls last year. Knitters and crocheters are often transplant recipients and their family members who want to show their gratitude. "A lot are also donor families," D'Addio said. "They felt taken care of in their time of loss and want other families to feel the same way."
'I just want them to feel loved'
Knitters and crocheters come from church groups, retirement communities, civic clubs − finding people who want to help is never a problem, D'Addio said.
"New Jersey is extremely generous," she said. In 2024, 297 people in the state were organ donors, 743 organs were transplanted and 1,126 tissue and eyes were donated. "Less than 1% of people can give the gift of life through organ donation," and D'Addio encourages people to communicate their wishes to loved ones before they have to make the decision themselves under the most dire circumstances.
Lora Rayner is one of those volunteers; she and a handful of others with her Rahway, New Jersey, Byzantine Catholic parish have knitted and crocheted just under 700 shawls and blankets since they started in 2020, she said.
"We're always looking for ways to donate," she said. And donate they have: caps for premature babies, car seat covers and baby blankets for women's shelters, blankets for homeless people and Wrapped in Love comfort shawls and blankets.
The Edison resident said the volunteers include a "Made with Love by ..." tag with their first name. A priest blesses the blankets and shawls before they're donated, but, she said, "there doesn't have to be any religious connotation for the families.
"If I were in that situation, I would be touched to receive something like this," she said. "I just want them to feel loved, and that their loved one isn't forgotten. When you're grieving, I think, you want that comfort."
Mielnicki certainly feels loved and finds solace in knowing her son isn't only remembered by his family.
"I've never had something like this done for me," she said. "It's so beautiful, and to know that someone took the time to do this for me ..."
Her voice trailed for a moment, and she took a deep breath.
"Well, it just really says a lot to me."
This story has been updated to correct an inaccuracy.
Do you want to share a slice of Americana with Paste BN? Contact Phaedra Tretthan by email at ptrethan@usatoday.com, on X (formerly Twitter) @wordsbyphaedra, on BlueSky @byphaedra, or on Threads @by_phaedra