Poem was to be his suicide note, but now D.C. rapper and writer has better plans
A Washington writer and rapper was in "such a bad space" last October, he wrote a poem that he thought he'd leave as a suicide note.
The man, who goes by Desai, is now 20 and has thought about suicide since he was 17. Now, however, he hopes to go to college and continue working on his passions.
"Recognizing that I can write, keeps me here," says Desai. "It gives me something to work towards."
— Jayne O'Donnell
Desai's poem:
Thrown down from heaven at 16, and now this boy's in hell
No one buys into my depression, but it's not like I deploy the sale.
Even in the grandest position possible, it seems I'm poised to fail
I tell people I'm dying, they think I'm lying, covering their nose to avoid the smell.
My career plans went up in flames and I'm here to sweep the ashes
I cry so much it hurts, when I look down I'm seeing lashes.
I'm teeming with bleeding gashes
In need of some seeing glasses.
'Cause the future is blurry from this side
My wrist tied with screaming slashes.
I couldn't even keep the girl I never wanted, though the task seemed as a breeze.
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The only blessings I get is when I turn down the homeless begging for change or when I sneeze.
I'm more hungry than ever, check by check my stomach pains
Then I realize I live in a District and I welcome all the hunger games.
But what about the hungrier games? In which lengths are made with crossing eyes
When I finally rob that sparkling bank, please do not act all surprised.
I'm hurting all over, and I don't have the means to fake the bruise
You made excuses as to why you wouldn't help and now I've made the news.
The furthest from perfect I know, and the accusations are long
When I thought I could count on you, you said the calculations were wrong.
And this poem f---ing sucks, I've done better with less the topic
If living is so damn hard on me then maybe it's best to stop it.
It's just me myself and I, when reserving I book for three
This apple didn't fall at all, my crazy life had shook the tree.
What does a life cost? An expensive living lie is what I took for free
And when I get the bravery to finally kill myself, would you even know where to look for me?
...didn't think so...