For the Record: Fear and loathing in the electoral college

Donald Trump racked up his third victory out of four states last night in Nevada. On the opposite side of the bracket, Hillary Clinton has taken two of three. Yes, we're setting up our two most feared, most loathed candidates for a November showdown, which we call "American democracy" but impartial observers may call "a cry for help." We have details on Trump's Nevada win, the Democrats' non-debate debate, and the distinct possibility that video game protagonists will be doing hard time at Gitmo. Let's get to it!

Trump party don't stop

Donald Trump's epic rager has now gone on for three states in 15 days. His tally last night from Nevada: 40-plus percent of the vote; a 22-point margin ahead of his next-closest competitors; 14 more delegates; a near fist-fight and two broken couches. His GOP roommates keep banging on the wall. Marco Rubio said he was going to go talk to Donald an hour ago, but instead he left for Michigan. Ted Cruz is talking a big game about how he's the only one who can get Trump and his crew to quiet down, but doesn't seem interested in actually doing it. Ben Carson seems annoyed (it's hard to tell with him sometimes) but he's also hinting he wouldn't mind joining the party if a spot opened up at the beer pong table. John Kasich is wondering if he should go off and get his own place like Jeb.

Eleven more contests are on the way in less than a week, and the most recent polls show that Trump is taking the party to eight of them (Alabama, Alaska, Georgia, Massachusetts, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Vermont and Virginia). Cruz has the lead in Arkansas and Texas, while Rubio has a slight edge in Minnesota. Trump's about to make someone go on another beer run.

Are we going to have to separate you two?

While the Nevada GOP caucuses were underway, Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders were engaged in a debate so fierce that neither one of them could be on the stage at the same time as the other. The CNN town hall-style event took place in South Carolina, host of the next Democratic contest on Saturday. For the past several days, Clinton has complained that Sanders was focusing on just one issue, so the two spent most of the debate talking about just one issue: college tuition. Bernie wants to tax something he wants to eradicate (Wall Street speculation) to fund something he likes (free college tuition) — so if he's really, really good at accomplishing that first thing, it kind of torpedoes the whole idea on that second thing. Hillary says she wants to make college affordable, but doesn't want to pay for her kids and Donald Trump's kids to go to college (which is probably fine, seeing as how most of them are in their 30s and have degrees and careers already.) We just want to take a cooking class or two at the local community college and are willing to vote for whoever will pay for that.

Gitmo prisoners, get moving

On the campaign trail in 2008, then-Senator Obama said he'd make it a top priority to shut down the prison camp at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, and on Day 2589 of his presidency he's making good on his promise. Reaction to the announcement fell along predictable lines: Clinton and Sanders welcomed the move, calling the prison an international embarrassment, then accused each other of voting to keep the prison open at some point in the past. Republican candidates protested the move, ranging from Carson wondering what the alternative is to holding the prisoners there, to Donald Trump's vow to "load it up with some bad dudes." Representatives of the Bad Dudes said they would fight Trump's plan, saying this was no way to thank the men who saved the president that one time he was captured by ninjas.

More from the campaign trail

• Hard Rock asks voters to name the most appropriate theme song for each candidate and they're all pretty awesome (Paste BN)
• Pro-Kasich super PAC sets up office space in 12 states; hopefully they have lenient lease-breaking clauses (Burlington Free Press)
• Spike Lee says Bernie Sanders will 'Do the Right Thing' — should have added 'Oldboy, He Got Game' (Paste BN OnPolitics)

Outbreak of Simpsons Jaundice hits presidential candidates

In Marge Simpsons's dreams (and their own), Jeb Bush and Carly Fiorina are still in the race.