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For the Record: The Senate-ish edition

Jessica Estepa   | Paste BN

Happy Friday, For the Record friends! It's all about the things kind of happening in and around the Senate, formerly known as the world's greatest deliberative body, today (they're closer to the "fine" level right now). Let's get down to the headlines.

Lindsey Graham cringes, vows to help Ted Cruz

Let's pause for a moment and look back to just a couple of months ago, when Sen. Lindsey Graham said picking between Ted Cruz and Donald Trump was like deciding between "being shot or poisoned." Let that sink in. Now, let's get back to today's reality: with Cruz and Trump as two of the last men standing in The Bachelor of 2016, Graham is "going to help Ted in every way I can" to win the GOP nomination over Trump. Here's what it comes down to, in Hamilton-ese:

He's never agreed with Ted Cruz once,
They've fought on a bunch of different fronts,
But when all is said and all is done,
Cruz has beliefs,
Trump has none.

Graham reportedly is putting this newfound ... something for Cruz into action next week, when he hosts a fundraiser for his Senate colleague. Never mind that Graham doesn't really like Cruz. Never mind that the Senate as a whole doesn't really like Cruz. The only question that remains is, is Cruz the poison or the gun?

This whole Merrick Garland thing could work out for someone

Of course, that person is probably not Merrick Garland (sorry, Merrick). The Senate's Republican majority continues to declare that they will never meet with President Obama's Supreme Court nominee, never ever, because let the people decide or whatever. And this kind of Republican obstructionism is exactly what Hillary Clinton has been talking about on the campaign trail for months. Expect the Democratic front-runner to use this to her advantage as she tries to appeal to both her party's base and more moderate, independent voters . Says one pollster: "This may be the first election where a Supreme Court appointment and future Supreme Court appointments really do change some votes. The Democrats will make the argument: 'Just posit Donald Trump picking a Supreme Court nominee. How does that make you feel?'"

Vice President Rubio, we hardly knew ye

Marco Rubio was back on Capitol Hill Thursday, and he didn't seem too pleased about it. After all, he's just spent the last several months trying not to be a senator anymore — why would he want to go back? Well, don't expect to see him there in 2017: He's done with this whole public service thing for now. And he's definitely not going to be anyone's No. 2: "I’m not going to be anybody’s vice president (and) I’m not running for governor of Florida (in 2018). I want to finish out my term in the Senate. Over the next 10 months we’re going to work really hard here. There are some things we want to achieve. And then I’ll be a private citizen in January." In typical Rubio fashion, he said it right as the Senate prepared to go on its two-week Easter recess. Ah, the joy of being an elected official.

More from the campaign trail

We've already pointed out that Ted Cruz looks strikingly similar to Kevin from 'The Office'

And lucky for us, the Internet knows it, too.

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