For the Record: How I Met Our President
(Imagine it's the year 2020*)
Readers, I'm going to tell you a story. A story about how I met our president. In the spring of 2016, the whole of the country was gripped with election fever. There was so much going on back then. We had inklings of who we thought might be the party nominees, but the primary races just dragged on and on and on. Why, I could tell you all about that time...
When Trump said his proposed Muslim ban wasn't for ALL Muslims, just the poor ones
The most important lesson we learned that year: always expect Donald Trump to out-Trump himself. It was always one thing after another, and it didn't come as a surprise to anyone that on the same day Trump backtracked on comments about punishing women for having illegal abortions, he also said he would let some Muslims into the country — but only if they were rich. After all, he had some rich Muslim friends. Because the guy had a lot of friends, y'know? "They'll come in," he told MSNBC's Chris Matthews. "And you'll have exceptions."
When Clinton called her GOP counterparts 'scary'
Back then, Hillary Clinton was doing whatever she could to make herself seem like the best choice for the Democratic nomination. In her adopted home state of New York, she pointed out that she had 2.5 million more votes than rival Bernie Sanders and called for party unity. Still, Clinton mostly saved her critiques for the Republican candidates in the contest. "So much of what we're hearing is contrary to who we are as New Yorkers and Americans," she told supporters. "Think about what we hear on the Republican side. It's really scary."
When Cruz imagined hitting a certain candidate with a car
Ah, and then there was the ever enchanting Ted Cruz, always trying to keep up his witty demeanor. During a Jimmy Kimmel Live appearance, he had to wonder aloud who he liked more: his longtime enemy, President Obama, or his 2016 opponent, Trump. "I dislike Obama’s policies more, but Donald is a unique individual," Cruz said. "... I will say I was watching the early part of the show and if I were in my car and getting ready to reverse and saw Donald in the backup camera, I’m not confident which pedal I would push.”
When Sanders made a play for New York
In the time before the New York state primary, you had to keep in mind that while Clinton had adopted the state as her own, Bernie Sanders was originally from it. This was a man who had grown up in a 3.5 room, rent-controlled apartment in Brooklyn (nowadays the hipster dream, but back then, a sign of struggling financially). When he railed against super PACs and corporate campaign financing, when he called for a political revolution, he was doing it because he understood the regular folk. "Those lessons I will never forget," he said.
When Kasich ate pizza with a fork
John Kasich was still in it to win it, even though his chances of nomination were basically nonexistent at best. We loved dreamers...but only when they didn't do something crazy like EATING PIZZA WITH A FORK. His explanation: "Look, look, the pizza came scalding hot, OK? And so I use a little fork." But when you're looking to connect with the average American, you just gotta bite the bullet and accept that you might burn your hand with some hot cheese. Better to be wounded than to be mocked.
...What do you mean none of that actually tells you anything about how our president became our president? Well, what can I say? It's a long story.
As inspired by How I Met Your Mother, which aired its series finale two years ago and which your FTR author is still pretty mad about.