Not another email selling Mother's Day
Barbara VanDenburgh, Paste BN's books editor, hasn't been checking her inbox very much this month. It's not because she doesn't want to pay bills, read story pitches or schedule meetings. There is a significant word that keeps creeping up in relentless marketing subject lines: "mom."
Today is Mother's Day, a beautiful opportunity for some people to celebrate the caregivers in their lives. For others, like VanDenburgh, the holiday is a terrible reminder of loss. The persistent memory of her mother's passing in 2014 is enough for her to click "move to spam."
đź‘‹Â Nicole Fallert here, and welcome to Your Week, our newsletter exclusively for Paste BN subscribers (that's you!). This week, we talk with VanDenburgh about her column about her mother's passing and the salience it had with me this time of year.
But first, don't miss these stories from Paste BN (and there's more at the bottom of this column!):
- The Austin American-Statesman and Paste BN Network were honored as Pulitzer finalist for Uvalde coverage.
- Bud Light sales, Dylan Mulvaney's beer ad and whether boycotts actually work.
- ''We are not the liars. He is'': Trump #MeToo accuser reacts to E. Jean Carroll verdict.
- A woman wrote a children's book about grief after her husband died. Now she is charged with his murder.
Why it's okay to feel conflicted on Mother's Day
VanDenburgh's mother passed in spring 2014 after 20 years of living with a neurodegenerative disease, an extremely rare Huntington's disease-like syndrome that destroyed her physical and mental well-being before ultimately killing her.
But any peace she had made with her mother's death has since become roiled by unending emails this time of year, prompting sales of shoes, home decor and beauty products with messaging like, "Your love for Mom never ends (but up to 30% OFF does!).”
"It’s been nearly a decade since I lost my mom, but emotionally navigating holidays doesn’t get any easier – in fact, it seems to have gotten harder, in part because of relentless marketing that doesn’t let you forget for five minutes that Mother’s Day is coming," VanDenburgh told me this week. "I’ve learned to take it easy on myself and not feel so bad about feeling bad. I’ve also learned it’s OK to just not open my inbox for a while and let those emails go unread."
More: How Jennette McCurdy escaped her narcissistic mother's 'excruciating' abuse
While Mother's Day spending soars, you don't have to break the bank to make Mom happy
I lost my grandmother in April, and I've been thinking a lot about how to support my mother during this first Mother's Day she'll be receiving pangs of grief along with gifts. I asked VanDenburgh what she advised for anyone coping with a new loss or supporting a loved one who has lost a caregiver. She said: "Please know you’re not alone in those feelings ... and delete Instagram off your phone for the weekend, it really helps."
To the companies that continue to peddle Mother's Day as a commercial boon, VanDenburgh says she gets it — capitalism can be cruel but oh-so good at making money. My own inbox had me on the verge of buying my mom new gardening supplies.
This year, I opted to celebrate with an experience rather than a present. We'll be hosting a family book club on Zoom to discuss what we've been reading and share recommendations. This was something my mom and grandma loved to do on the phone for hours, and I think connecting over stories will honor her story.
Thank you
However you spend this day, I hope you find time to celebrate those who care for you and those you care for. Thank you for you supporting our newsroom, as always. I'll see you next week.
Best wishes,
Nicole Fallert