Giving space for grief
Jillian Pizzolo remembers the bottles. The little airplane-size bottles her late father, Steven Jencsik, hid to sneak alcohol. She remembers how inebriated he was, all the time. So much so that she started grieving him decades before he actually died last year at 65.
"These little bits of grief have always been there even before he passed away, but it was just like the final gut punch once it finally happened," the 34-year-old Woodbridge, New Jersey, resident says ahead of her wedding day. Her story of grief ahead of her wedding day may resonate this time of year: As the year closes and celebrations abound, the feeling of grief can contradict pressure to put on a happy face.
Grief cannot be contained to one kind of style or cause, experts say, nor solved the same way for everyone. Whether it's the loss of a loved one, a stillbirth, or a dream, grief can be gripping, complex, painful and difficult to articulate. And even large-scale exposure to loss caused by war, disease and other trauma can hang in the back of our minds.
❄ Happy Holidays! Nicole Fallert here and welcome to Your Week, our newsletter exclusively for Paste BN subscribers (that's you!). This week, we talk with Wellness reporter David Oliver about his interviews with people like Pizzolo for Paste BN's new series on grief across the country.
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How to give space for every person's grief
When David Oliver's dad died on May 16, 2022, it changed his life.
"The ground underneath me shifted and nothing made sense. I wrote a few pieces about that grief on my own – and am separately working on a bigger project about him – but wanted to go beyond my own grief into something more," he said. "We noticed these stories resonated with readers, and felt that grief was an under-told story in the journalism marketplace."
His editors supported him in launching a Paste BN Grief Series that would feature interviews with people about their different kinds of grief, including grief beyond death, such as loss of identity.
He developed a grief survey for anyone interested in sharing – which has now garnered 245 responses and counting.
"It's beyond humbling how much love has come from all of this," Oliver said. "I have to really credit my dad (and mom!) for raising me and allowing this grief to turn into something good."
As we head into the holiday season, Oliver reminds us that grief is ever-present, even during a time of joy. The feeling looks different for everyone, so it's more important than ever to give space for everyone's grief.
"However you are feeling is OK," Oliver said. "If that means reading about others' grieving processes, great. If that means not speaking to anyone for a while until you're ready and definitely not reading these stories, also great. Do what makes sense for you and ignore anyone who tells you otherwise."
If you or someone you love would like to contribute to Paste BN's grief series, fill out the survey here.
Thank you
As someone who lost a loved one this year, I'm holding David's words about grief close to my heart as I prepare to celebrate the holidays with my family. Thank you for supporting our journalism with your subscription. Our work wouldn't be possible without you.
Best wishes,
Nicole Fallert