Looking for love?

Charles Trepany did not expect to heed a dominatrix's advice.

As Paste BN's reporter who covers love and dating, Trepany is accustomed to conversations about unconventional sex. But during a recent three-hour workshop at a dating boot camp outside Los Angeles, Trepany didn't expect a dominatrix's BDSM metaphors to so perfectly illustrate the power dynamics that can hold us back in our search for love: Our own insecurities stifle our inner power, holding us back from meeting a true match.

Trepany goes on a lot of dating experiences and writes about them for Paste BN. The mission is two-pronged: Find romance himself and explore how Americans, particularly Gen Z, are finding partnership in a post-pandemic era.

👋 Nicole Fallert here and welcome to Your Week, our newsletter exclusively for Paste BN subscribers (that's you!). This week, we talk with Trepany about his reporting about his journalistic journey for love.

But first, don't miss these stories made possible by your Paste BN subscription:

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A single reporter on a mission

The origins of Charles Trepany's beat at Paste BN are personal: As a 27-year-old single person living in Los Angeles, dating is a major topic among his social circle. But as any journalist does, Trepany observes and reports what he sees: Young people feel drained by dating apps and are seeking new venues to meet people in person.

This might seem obvious if you're from an older generation. Perhaps you met a partner in a bar or at college. But remember, as soon as Gen Z hit adulthood, COVID-19 shuttered social life. Only now are they picking up the pieces and returning to full in-person life. And that means learning how to meet one another without the help of technology.

"The apps are so energy-draining," Trepany said. "It feels like the same conversation over and over again. For Gen Z, it's a lot of stumbling in the dark and trying to figure out how to date in the current year."

One way this manifests: unique and creative ways to meet-up. From run-clubs to "chaotic" singles parties to dating boot camps, Paste BN is tracking how people are taking new lengths to find that forever person.

This is how Trepany found himself at a luxurious Spanish-Mediterranean villa called The Mountain Mermaid just outside Los Angeles for a dating boot camp a few months ago. The session costs $2,500 for a shared room and $4,000 for a single room and involved several hours of courses with various teachers, including a therapeutic movement specialist, a leadership coach, a sex therapist and more. A professional photographer was also on site all weekend to snap portraits of attendees for their dating app profiles.

Despite having to shell out thousands to attend the camp, Trepany said it was helpful: He still heeds the dominatrix's advice to embrace trust and honesty. The professional photos taken there have more likes than any other part of his dating app profile.

But for now, Trepany has put his apps on pause: He wants to focus on meeting someone in the real world this fall (and will be writing about that journey for readers like you!).

"I don't know if I've really given meeting people in person a shot," Trepany said. "That's wild to say because that's how it's always been done. I wonder if by keeping my Hinge [dating app] on pause, I'll notice people more or I'll be back online."

Either way, Trepany makes sure to report about dating styles that won't feel like a "chore" for readers looking for love. His best advice: Don't worry so much. Try experiences that feel aligned with your values, and maybe the right person will be in that room.

The next dating experience he wants to try? "Falling in love would be great. I haven't tried that yet."

Read more about the single life from Paste BN

• I went to NYC’s hottest singles run club. Here’s what it’s really like.
• Are you dating a narcissist? Watch out for these red flags.
• Why are we obsessed with this couple's first date?!
• Chaotic Singles Parties are going viral on TikTok.
• Speed dating is making a comeback as Gen Z ditches dating apps.
• Here's why your "chronically single" friends may like a word with you.

Thank you

I'm so grateful for Charles' vulnerability sharing his personal dating journey through his reporting. Thank you for supporting our journalism with your subscription. Our work wouldn't be possible without you. 

Best wishes, 

Nicole Fallert