For the Record: All seven candidates still standing, somehow

Thank you, Alaska, for getting your numbers in at 3 a.m. EST/12 a.m. PST. The result didn't change anything — it was still a big day for Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump — but we're nothing if not completists. Without further ado, let's dive in to the Super Tuesday results ...

We're with her, y'all

Hillary Clinton swept the South yesterday, picking up Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Tennessee, Texas and Virginia as well as Massachusetts — while Sanders took the top spot in Colorado, Minnesota, Oklahoma and his home state of Vermont. It's a good omen for Sanders that he's winning in the North and West, where upcoming contests are, but a bad sign that he lost neighboring Massachusetts. After Tuesday, Hillary now has a 1,001-371 lead over Bernie in the delegate count.

At a rally in his home state, Sanders told supporters, "We are going to win many hundreds of delegates." Just a reminder: He needs 2,383 candidates to win the nomination. This is a bit like promising you'll finish the marathon in one week or less. Meanwhile in Miami, Clinton turned her sights to the general election, telling her supporters, "The rhetoric we're hearing from the other side has never been lower. Trying to divide America between us and them is wrong and we're not going to let it work." Self-awareness may not be one of her core strengths.

GOP just about ready to admit Trump has a shot at this

In theory, the Republican race is about nominating the candidate with the best ideas to lead the nation in a post-Obama world. In practice, it's been a referendum on Donald Trump, and who has the best shot at beating Trump, since about December. And for all four non-Trump candidates, Super Tuesday was less than ideal.

• Ted Cruz: Cruz picked up his first three state wins since Iowa: Alaska, Oklahoma and his home state of Texas. Arguably the last Evangelical in the Republican race, Cruz still managed to lose to Trump in the majority of Southern states. The primary calendar now shifts north and west, where Cruz is no higher than third place in recent polls (with the exception of North Carolina, where he's running second).
• Marco Rubio: Still in a distant third in the delegate race, Rubio finally won in Minnesota yesterday, putting to rest Cruz's line that he's the only one who can beat Trump — except that Cruz also beat Trump in Minnesota. In other words, Rubio has yet to beat Trump in a state where Cruz didn't do the same thing.
• John Kasich: He momentarily looked competitive in Vermont before ultimately falling to Trump. After about one-third of the states have had their say, Kasich has as many wins as Ben Carson, Jeb Bush, Rick Perry and Deez Nuts.
• Ben Carson: All the GOP ballots so far have featured his name, and sometimes he was first on the ballot thanks to alphabetical order. To date, these have been the highlights of his campaign 

As for Trump, it was a great night. Seven victories in 11 states (namely Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Massachusetts, Tennessee, Vermont and Virginia) and the Republican electorate shows no signs of coalescing around one single anti-Trump candidate. During his victory press conference, his comments sounded like he's shifting his focus to the general election: “Once we get all of this finished, I am going to go after one person and that’s Hillary Clinton, on the assumption she’s allowed to run. And that’s a big assumption.” At this point, the GOP's best bet to stop Trump is to start drawing up the articles of impeachment.

This candidate for display use only

Despite going 0-for-15 so far during the Republican primary season, Ben Carson still is staying in the race.

He had his first double-digit finishes in Alaska (11%) and Alabama (10%) but is the only remaining candidate who has yet to crack the top three in any state ... which isn't easy to do, considering that 12 of the 15 states have been five-person contests. Keep the dream alive, Ben.

More from the campaign trail

• Trump slams reporter, 'failed paper in Iowa' for black student protest story (Paste BN OnPolitics)
• Judge tosses out Cruz eligibility suit — but only because the plaintiff hadn't served Cruz with the complaint (Paste BN)
• Rubio denies that he's in denial. DENIAL-CEPTION! (Paste BN OnPolitics)
• Tons of money and a former Jeb Bush staffer ... we've already seen how this plays out (Paste BN OnPolitics)
• Kasich to supporters: 'Sit tight, we got this' (Cincinnati Enquirer)

This isn't quite how Christie expected 2016 to play out

During Trump's victory press conference last night, Chris Christie stood behind him and spent half an hour shifting between "shell-shocked man with a thousand-yard stare" and "amnesiac trying to play it cool while he tries to figure out where he is and what's going on." We're starting to think Trump brought Christie on board for comic relief.