Keeping It Together: I wanted to understand why the Internet turned on my favorite influencer

Happy Tuesday!

Yes, it is in fact Tuesday, and not Saturday. But why are you hearing from me mid-week?

Lucky for you, this is a bonus newsletter! It doesn't happen often, but we wanted to send our loyal readers an extra pick-me-up before the weekend.

This week, I decided to dig into what happens when a "body positive" influencer loses weight, specifically in the case of Mark Gaetano (aka @snarkymarky on TikTok). Many fans actually get angry. 

Experts said the outrage isn't surprising, especially in a society that often celebrates thinness. For people in larger bodies who finally see themselves reflected in the influencers they follow online, dramatic or even subtle weight loss can feel like a betrayal. 

"It's completely valid they may experience grief, disappointment, sadness or anger, because they're projecting their own feelings, experiences and struggles onto this role model," says Jennifer Rollin, founder of The Eating Disorder Center. 

But that doesn't excuse the hate or harsh criticism.

"The desire to lose weight is unfortunately normal in a society filled with anti-fat bias," Rollin says. "However, I do have compassion for folks who have that desire, especially when they face so much discrimination in our society."

This is a look at one of our subscriber stories. We've received a lot of feedback from you about the premium links in our newsletters, so we wanted to let you know a subscription is free for the next two months with our special one-day promotion. Click here to read today's story. 

The controversy of being 'raped online'

Earlier this month, a woman in the U.K. said she was playing the game Horizon Worlds, developed by Meta, formerly known as Facebook, when she was "virtually gang raped" by three to four male avatars with male voices who yelled obscene taunts. 

The concept of virtual rape has existed and been debated for decades. But critics have tried to trivialize the incident, with one calling it "a pathetic cry for attention.” Some commenters suggested what happened wasn't "real" and shouldn't be a concern.

This reaction not only reveals the ways in which people are grappling to define the boundaries between real and online lives, but experts say it also underscores that sexual violence is an experience that some people will make every effort to minimize – online or off – despite research showing sexual abuse in any context can be devastating, traumatic, and exact a significant and often lasting mental health toll.

"Rather than trying to compare the suffering of different experiences and really trying to pit survivors against each other, I really wish we would look at how all of these behaviors contribute to rape culture," said Jae Lin, director of The Games and Online Harassment Hotline.

"It's not as if there are some people who are only experiencing sexual violence online, versus the people who are only experiencing it offline. All of these experiences are happening to real people because of a culture that wants to uphold gender-based violence as an acceptable and normal thing."

This is a look at one of our subscriber stories, click here to read more.

My friends are notoriously late so I lied to them about our plans. Now, we're not speaking.

In our latest advice column, a reader wrote in: "Three of our friends are notorious for being late. Ahead of our recent night out, I didn't want them to be late, so I lied and told the three of them to meet us at the club at 9 p.m. though our booking was for 10 p.m.

What I didn't know is they had all agreed to prove they could show up on time by getting to the bar 30 minutes ahead of schedule. They waited an hour and a half for the rest of us to arrive, and when we did, two of them refused to talk to us the entire night and the other friend spent the evening being passive aggressive. I was only trying to make sure they would arrive on time, but neither side has talked to the other since. Who is in the wrong and who should apologize?"

The frustrating situation was so polarizing that both our advice columnist Morgan Absher and her podcast co-host had to weigh in. You can read their responses here. 

Have thoughts? Share them with us here and we may include your advice in a future newsletter.

Today's reads

• Hoda Kotb tried conscious listening. What is it? 
• Men are trying out makeup – and it's no surprise, experts say
• Chrissy Teigen is undergoing IVF again after her pregnancy loss. What you should and shouldn't say about infertility

Today's pet

This week, we're saying hello to this adorable Maine Coon, who "almost died as a kitten but survived to become a beautiful, loving adult," says reader Lili Colton.

What a beautiful cat!

Thanks to everyone for reading! Remember you can send pet photos, coping tips and anything else to our email. 

We'll be back in your inbox on Saturday! 

Jenna Ryu