Keeping it Together: I'm challenging you to find a 'glimmer' today. Here's what that means.

Chances are you've heard of "triggers," but what about "glimmers"?

"Glimmers" are the opposite of "triggers." They refer to small moments when our biology is in a place of connection or regulation, which cues our nervous system to feel safe or calm.

I spoke to licensed clinical social worker Deb Dana who coined the term. She explained the benefits of recognizing and embracing these moments. 

"We're not talking great, big, expansive experiences of joy or safety or connection. These are micro moments that begin to shape our system in very gentle ways," she explains.

Glimmers aren't just tiny moments that bring joy or happiness. They can also spark ease, relaxation, safety, connection or a feeling that the world is OK even for a fleeting moment. 

And the concept has taken hold. On TikTok, for example, one video about glimmers has gained more than 78,000 likes and hundreds of comments.

Some examples include: 

• In nature, admiring your garden or seeing the stars in the sky.
• Noticing a stranger's smile or the warmth of a loved one's voice
• Some find glimmers with their pets, feeling comforted by furry friends
• In music, such as with unexpected church bells or your favorite song playing on the radio

"You feel something happen inside. There's an energy that happens around a glimmer, and then your brain then marks it as well," Dana adds.

So this weekend I'm challenging myself (and you too!) to start noticing more glimmers in the everyday. If you want to share what glimmers you come across, please share them via our email and we may feature them in a future newsletter!

To read more about glimmers, including all their benefits, click here.

How young is too young for plastic surgery?

For years, Bella Hadid denied she'd had plastic surgery. But now she's changing her tune and speaking about a cosmetic procedure she regrets: the nose job she got when she was 14. 

"I wish I had kept the nose of my ancestors,” Hadid told Vogue last week. She's the daughter of Dutch-born former "Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" star Yolanda Hadid and Palestinian real estate developer Mohamed Hadid. "I think I would have grown into it."

My colleague Jenna Ryu spoke to experts about whether teens like Hadid are too young for plastic surgery. Here's some of what she found:

It's not uncommon for teens to get cosmetic procedures. According to the American Society of Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeons, nearly 230,000 cosmetic surgeries were performed on teens ages 13 to 19 in 2017, and some as young as 15 are even documenting their plastic surgeries on social media. 

According to Dr. Steven Pearlman, a board-certified facial plastic surgeon, it's legal to perform plastic surgery on anyone under 18 — as long a parent or legal guardian consents. However, some experts caution it can be "damaging" and "concerning" for teens who are under 18 to get cosmetic procedures while their bodies are still developing.

"Girls nowadays live in a culture with so much pressure to change their appearances, whether it's putting on makeup or something more extreme like cosmetic surgery," says Leora Tanenbaum, feminist and author of "I Am Not a Slut." "But rather than judging or shaming individuals (like Hadid), we need to think more collectively about the pressures young women face to look a certain way."

For some, cosmetic procedures can provide a boost of confidence that's especially critical for those who lack self-esteem or are bullied.

Pearlman says that in his experience with young patients, "it's more often that the psychological impact of a rhinoplasty, (like) improved self-esteem, surpasses the physical changes to their nose."

However, he says teens need to be emotionally mature enough to understand the complications that come with surgery. Though there's aren't additional risks for teens, potential side effects of a nose job, for example, include bleeding, infection, poor wound healing or scarring according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons.

To read Jenna's full story, click here.

Have you outgrown your relationship?

This week our columnist Sara Kuburic, the Millennial Therapist, explains how to tell if you've outgrown your relationships. Here's what she shared:

When we meet someone we love or care about, it can be difficult to imagine our life without that person. Most people strive for longevity in relationships, throwing around words such as "forever" and "always." Although well-intentioned, it's not always realistic.

Because we are in the process of growing as individuals, sometimes we outgrow the relationships we are in (even if it's with people we love). We can be in a committed relationship and still notice that the relationship no longer fulfills our needs, wants or meet our standards. We may begin to notice that we are becoming different people, or that we are no longer moving in the same direction as our partner.

Here are a couple of signs that you may have outgrown your relationship: 

You sense a lack of alignment. The activities and conversations that your significant other wants to have, or that you used to have together, no longer resonate with who you are. You may feel like you are having the same conversations, and that nothing is changing or moving. You may feel like the relationship is not allowing or encouraging you to become who you want to be. And, finally, you may feel pressured to be a previous version of yourself as a way to maintain the homeostasis of the relationship.

You have different goals. Your vision for the future has changed, and it no longer matches your partner's. As you grow, it wouldn't be unusual to notice that the person or relationship doesn't fit into your life as it did initially. It's a sign you've outgrown the relationship if you don't know how to move forward without compromising who you are. 

You need more. A common feeling you may encounter if you've outgrown your relationship is that you need "more." You may identify needs that the relationship used to fulfill but no longer does. You may feel like you need more out of the relationship than what it's offering. You may feel that staying in the relationship is holding you back from reaching your full potential. 

To read more, click here.

Today's reads

• Pixar's ‘Turning Red’ caught some parents off guard with period and puberty references, but the film isn't the problem, experts say.
• Marsha Blackburn asked Ketanji Brown Jackson to define 'woman.' Science says there's no simple answer.
• Are you 'phubbing'? Here's how you may be self-sabotaging your relationship
• Ketanji Brown Jackson's comments on motherhood, her husband's tears and what they mean for a historic moment
• This week's advice column: My boyfriend won't stop looking at other women on Instagram. Am I overreacting?

Today's pet

Meet Gigolo.

"Gigolo blooming where he planted himself," writes Mary Ann Horn of North Florida. Definitely counts as a glimmer for me. Thanks for sharing!

And thanks everyone for reading! Do you have cute pet photos to share? Please send them to our email here so we can feature them in an upcoming newsletter!

Wishing you all the best, 

Sara Moniuszko