Keeping it Together: After a wild news week, our readers share their 'glimmers'

All week we've been thinking about the "slap heard around the world" at Sunday's Oscars. But I wanted to bring some positivity to the newsletter this weekend with a little recap of the wonderful glimmers our readers sent in.

If you missed last week's newsletter, I talked about some reporting I did on "glimmers," a concept used to describe the opposite of the more commonly known "triggers." Glimmers are small moments when our biology is in a place of connection or regulation, which cues our nervous system to feel safe or calm.

Here were some of the glimmers you saw last week:

"I have 'glimmers' almost every time I go outside – to get the mail, take out the trash (or) water the grass," writes reader Kammy Sislofsky. "I spent so much time indoors (especially during COVID lockdown), that something simple and mundane can take me to a 'glimmer place.' As soon as I see the wispy clouds, the leaves moving in the wind or the stars twinkling, I feel a calm and joy come over me."

Margaret Coffey of Massillon, Ohio, found joy in replanting the bulb of a tulip she received as a gift last June.

"I’m SO proud that it’s growing!  (And relieved the squirrels didn’t find it and eat it either!) This tulip is really a small thing but the funny thing is that I’m almost 64 years old and had never planted a tulip bulb before! It truly IS my glimmer!" she writes.

Jim Delle Bovi found glimmers to be a "very enlightening concept."

"I have a daily glimmer and didn’t really think about it until your article," he writes. "I am an early riser and just about every morning, even if it’s for 5 minutes, I go out on my balcony and watch the sunrise’s affect on the sky. Always unexpected... even on cloudy days... hardly ever the same. Even in winter I bundle up with hot tea in hand. Just those few seconds of connection with the earth and the broader world takes me out of my world long enough to get off on the right foot. Even if it doesn’t last long!"

Reader Trudy Yaklich had a wild glimmer this week. She wrote: "I live on a river with duck, geese and deer – wildlife brothers and sisters. This morning I looked out and saw the geese swimming. I went out and called, 'Good Morning, are you hungry? Better come get some breakfast!' The male goose looked at me, made a sharp right turn and in 30 seconds they were up the bank, in my yard. Their trust is a glimmer in my life."

Feeling inspired to find your own glimmers? Click here to learn more.

Our obsession with at home Botox and what it says about us

Recently, at-home anti-aging treatments have been all the hype. Take, for instance, Frownies Patches, a wrinkle-smoothing patch to prevent forehead and other facial wrinkles. Or face tape, which holds your skin taut for an instant lift. And now, there are even advancements in technology with products like NuFace, a device that uses micro-current technology to help lift and tone your face.

The goal of all of these products is to create that Botoxed look in minutes, all while avoiding the price and discomfort of Botox or surgical face lifts. 

"These options are becoming so popular because they are affordable, easy and convenient if you just want to look good for a special event, and/or you just don’t feel like going to a doctor’s office," explains Dr. Michele Green, a dermatologist at Lenox Hill Hospital. "For some, it allows them to see what a certain procedure can do for them without altering their face."

These products may be cheaper than Botox, but what is the real price being paid? Some experts worry that these trends are perpetuating a centuries-old, sexist standard for women: that they must constantly strive for youth in order to be "beautiful."

To read more, including how each of these trending treatments work and what it says about toxic obsession with youth, click here.

What to do if you can't trust your partner.

Trust is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, explains Sara Kuburic, the Millennial Therapist. Yet, it's often much easier to lose trust than it is to gain it.

So how do we regain trust? Sara shares nine steps to repair broken trust in a relationship in her latest column, here's a peek at a few of them:

Gain clarity: It's important to have an honest conversation about where and how the trust was broken or lost. Both individuals should have an opportunity to speak and share their perspectives. Respecting each other's views is a helpful first step in understanding the relationship dynamic. 

Take responsibility: It's important for everyone involved to understand what they need to take responsibility for. If no one takes responsibility, there is no chance for mending broken trust. 

Decide if you're willing to work on the relationship. Repairing trust is not for the faint-hearted. It's hard and often painful. It's important to decide if we want to try or not. If we are not genuinely willing to try, our effort (as well as the effort of our partner) will be in vain. 

Ask for what you need. Expressing needs is key. It sets in motion the plan for reconciliation. What do you need in order to trust again? And, potentially, what does the other person need in order to not make the mistakes again? Some examples include therapy or better boundaries. 

To read the full list of steps, click here.

Today's reads

• This week's advice column: My coworker outed me, and I am horrified. What should I say to her?
• Our team has been working hard to report on multiple angles and elements of "the slap," including...
  • My colleague Alia E. Dastagir's piece on the violence of words.
  • She also examined why we all can't agree on Will Smith's slap
  • And explored Will Smith and the 'unfair' burden Black men face
  • I wrote about the connection between Black women's hair and identity, which helps explain why Chris Rock's "joke" hit so hard for many.
  • We also have more to teach you about alopecia, which Jada Pinkett Smith has struggled with.

Today's pet

Meet Mademoiselle Babette.

"Babette and her human vegging out on the couch," writes Mary Ann Horn of North Florida.

And thanks everyone for reading! Do you have cute pet photos to share? Please send them to our email here so we can feature them in an upcoming newsletter!

Wishing you all the best, 

Sara Moniuszko