Narcissistic abuse is hard to spot. Now, we know why.

Happy Saturday! This is Jenna Ryu, back with another batch of your latest Wellness news. I hope you all have been enjoying 2023 so far. 

This week, I tackled one of our buzziest topics: narcissism. We think we know what it means and what it looks like. But do we really?

I spoke with experts in the field about why, contrary to popular belief, it can be so difficult to recognize a narcissist's abusive and toxic behaviors. The answer? "Pseudomutuality," or a façade of perfection and happiness projected onto the public in order to hide the manipulation and continue their abuse privately.

"It's the ultimate form of gaslighting… not to be confused with the normal, subtle differences between public and private (life) that occur within all families," trauma therapist Shannon Thomas told me. 

For instance, a narcissistic parent may embody the role of a perfect parent on the outside, only to pit siblings against each other with no conflict resolution. A romantic partner may post heartwarming photos on social media while privately engaging in verbal abuse and isolating behaviors.

"What they are told about the family or person does not align whatsoever with their lived experience," Thomas said, cautioning that this dysfunctional dynamic can lead to long-term mental health consequences, such as indecisiveness and low-self esteem. Read more about "pseudomutuality" and how to break out of the cycle below.

Here's what else we wanted to share with you this week: