Keeping it Together: Are gay people throwing out monogamy?

Are open relationships more common among gay people? Or does it just seem that way?

Hello! My name is Charlie, and I'm a wellness reporter here at Paste BN. This week I looked into the stereotype that gay people are more likely to be in open relationships than straight people and what the effects of this assumption are on the LGBTQ+ community.

It is true that LGBTQ+ people seem to have embraced non-monogamy more than straight people. According to a survey on relationships published online in 2018, 2% of heterosexual participants reported being in open relationships, as opposed to 32% of gay participants, 5% of lesbian participants and 22% of bisexual participants.

LGBTQ+ relationship experts, however, argue there's more to the story and caution against generalizing these figures to all gay people. Even though gay couples may statistically be more likely than straight couples to be non-monogamous, not every gay couple is − and assuming so does a disservice to the diversity of viewpoints and relationships styles within the LGBTQ+ community.

Philip Lewis, a therapist specializing in gay men's mental health, told me stereotypes around the ways gay people date and fall in love do LGBTQ+ people no favors. One stereotype gay men in particular face, he says, is that their sex and romantic lives must involve either promiscuity or non-monogamy.

That isn't the case, he says − but a young gay person who grows up thinking it is may believe those are the only ways to have relationships as a gay person.

"I don't think that just because you're queer, you necessarily need to abandon everything else," Leanne Yau, a polyamory educator who has been non-monogamous for eight years, adds. "Question and explore your identity and your choices and things like that, but the point is having freedom of choice. The point is not to do all the radical things all the time, if that isn't what you actually want. What's radical is the choice."

You can find more from this story here and other insightful reads from our team below.