Skip to main content

Conservatives, it's OK to admit parenting is hard. I do.

Nicole Russell   Paste BN

Chappell Roan is courting controversy this week. The 27-year-old “Pink Pony Club” singer said during a recent interview on the "Call Her Daddy" podcast that her friends with kids under the age of 5 "are in hell." 

"I actually don't know anyone who's like, happy and has children at this age," Roan said. "I literally have not met anyone who's happy, anyone who has like, light in their eyes, anyone who has slept." 

When I heard that, I had mixed feelings. As a mom of four, her comment felt personal. The way her quote comes across is that parents in general are unhappy, or even that having kids is a bad thing. I don’t agree with that. 

But Roan’s entire quote in context makes more sense. At one point, I had four kids under the age of 6. Was it “hell?” I don’t remember; I was tired. Really, really, tired. I’ve often joked I didn’t sleep more than two consecutive nights for eight hours for about a decade.  

When we talk about parenting, it’s such a sensitive subject, it often gives way to extremes – and politics plays a role. Research shows there is a gap in “fertility desires” between Republicans and Democrats. Not surprisingly, Republicans tend to want more kids than Democrats. I wanted a big family, and I have one.  

My latest: I'm tired of being mocked and hated because I'm a conservative woman

The reality of parenting young children often can be harsher than how it appears online – or even the way conservatives talk about having kids. Having young kids is exhausting, unless your family has an extraordinary amount of help. There’s no shame in admitting you’re tired.  

That is where I see policy and politics often get stuck. Conservatives fear if they admit parenting young kids is exhausting, they’ll sound like they are not pro-family. Democrats seem to fear that if they admit that being a parent can be great, they’re insulting their supporters who don’t want to have children.  

But it’s OK for conservatives to admit parenting is both exhausting and rewarding, joyous and difficult – and that perhaps there’s even policy changes that can be made to help more people have happy families. Democrats can stop snickering every time someone admits parenting is hard. We face a historic decline in fertility rates. Society benefits from thriving families. 

Roan’s comment was about a particular stage of parenting that is unusually exhausting. From my vantage point, parenting babies is a much different experience from parenting teenagers. But being a mom to the four humans God has given me to raise, is one of my favorite things in the world. 

I wouldn’t trade it for anything – even an extra hour of sleep.  

Here's what else we're writing about:

Facebook Twitter Email