Father's Day peace of mind: Column

Happy Father's Day! I wish that for all fathers, but this dad is struggling to make sense of it this year.

My daughter is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, and it was just about two weeks ago on June 8th, in a Prince William County, Va. Superior Court, that my daughter's former gymnastic coach was found guilty of Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor in her case. For the record, he pleaded, "Not guilty," but the judge found him guilty, based on a plea agreement and recommendation to satisfy the original Aggravated Sexual Battery charge.

His name isn't important. A Google search will likely reveal it. What he did isn't that important either. Three other young women had raised accusations against him over the years, which never resulted in any charges. Without his testimony, or theirs, we'll never know: Were his actions predatory or horribly mistaken?

So, this is my focus is on this Father's Day: The young girls like my daughter (boys too) in the shadows of sexual abuse. Based on statistics from the Darkness to Light Foundation, whose training for me was very meaningful on this journey, only four in ten victims ever disclose and that's mostly to friends. Just one victim in ten tell parents or the authorities — I'll never know if my daughter was a lone victim, one of four or forty.

The experts estimate that one in seven girls and one in 25 boys are sexually abused by the time they reach age 18. If you do the math, childhood sexual abuse and resulting physical and mental issues that follow are the worst health problem American children face — worse than cancer or autism, which get lots more publicity. We just fail to recognize it; don't want to recognize it.

One more personal fact: My daughter is 34. The events discussed in court happened when she was seven. Her mom died of cancer when she was 16. She disclosed to me when she was 19. So, we struggled together over what to do, if anything, for twelve more years.

I tried to approach this as the journalist, but so many questions led to dead-ends. I wanted to go back and re-construct what might have happened, if only... Finally, I found the Child Advocacy Center in Rochester, NY — the Bivona Center. I took the Stewards of Children training program, designed to help prevent childhood sexual abuse and deal with its consequences. It made me look at the present.

That experience convinced my daughter and me that we should finally disclose to the police no matter the outcome. A determined detective sensed there was enough evidence to investigate, discovered additional victims' allegations. A prosecutor agreed to advance the case through arrest, preliminary hearing, grand jury indictment and the resulting plea agreement.

In at least 20 states the statute of limitations would have run out, though delays in disclosure, as long as my daughter's, are not uncommon. How uncommon? It is hard to say, when only 30% of childhood sexual abuse makes it into any database.

No matter how pervasive these acts may be, false accusations are not common. The experts estimate that only 4% of disclosures are not true.. I never, ever doubted my daughter. I was shocked that a trusted adult could be responsible. Our knowledge of the serious nature of the allegation for everybody involved was a large factor in additional delay.

Why don't young victims disclose? That's something for professionals and victims to write about — not this father. In our case, a busy mom with a journalism career at Paste BN and Gannett and a father, who wanted his daughter to always take personal responsibility, did not create a comfortable place for a seven year old to deal with an extremely traumatic event. I would not recommend, however; dads should ease back or moms quit work. That won't protect your children.

What will protect them is knowledge — not for them, but for you. Education programs, such as the one at at the Bivona Center in Rochester, NY make a huge difference.

They make disclosure less traumatic after abuse, but they also educate the community about prevention. The Stewards of Children program, which many centers offer from the Darkness to Light Foundation can bring child sexual abuse out of the shadows.

I taught CPR for the American Red Cross for more than 15 years and was always proud of the potential for saving lives. But after I completed my training in identifying and responding to the sexual abuse of children I couldn't help thinking: "If every parent and teacher took this course, think of the difference we could make."

And it would make a difference. It's surprising, but 66% of teachers received no training in childhood sexual abuse during their education or in professional development. If we can change that number and back it up with as many parents as possible, the difference will make Father's Day happier in hundreds of thousands of homes every year.That's how many of our children face some form of sexual abuse annually.

Just the thought of changing that makes my Father's Day brighter this year, and just maybe adds a measure of comfort and meaning to the 15-year journey my daughter and I have just completed.

Bill Watson is a former broadcast journalist. His late wife, Nancy Woodhull was the first managing editor, news for Paste BN and a former vice president news for Gannett Co. Inc.

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