Column: Skip the debates and try candidate karaoke instead

Let’s get serious about paring down the field of presidential hopefuls.

Debates are fine. Republicans seeking their party’s presidential nomination will joust (with self-promotional lances) nine more times following the September 16th debate. Democrats will go at it at least six times. All before next summer’s nominating conventions.

But are those hopefuls sufficiently tested by the debate formats' rigors and demands?

Maybe, maybe — just a thought, mind you — the League of Women Voters or some other non-partisan civic-minded organization should model a series of candidate eliminations after television franchises such as “Survivor,” “The Bachelor,” and “The Bachelorette.”

Or, how about a culinary competition such as “Iron Chef?” The Food Network could host omelet and soufflé challenges for viewers to assess the culinary skills of the candidates. We’d find out who can stand the heat and who should stay out of the proverbial kitchen.

Or, how about a “Dancing with the Stars” competition? Aw, come on, wouldn’t you tune in to see candidates compete in the mandatory mambo and the obligatory flamenco? Also, instead of arraying candidates behind debate podiums, they’d be lined up to perform the macarena. Then, on to freestyling — candidates would bust their best hip-hop moves, leading to a break-dance finale.

But wait, I’ve got it. Spike TV has its “Lip Sync Battles.” Please, someone, put in a call to MTV. At the recent Video Music Awards ceremony, Kanye West declared his intention to run for the presidency in 2020. The current crop of candidates, and those waiting in the wings for a shot at the West Wing, have to tune up and get attuned — for Karaoke competitions.

Or we could combine debates with Karaoke. Our future leaders could answer questions or choose to sing instead:

Following a debate gaffe:

“Blurred Lines” (Robin Thicke, Pharrell Williams and T.I.)

“I Keep Forgettin” (Michael McDonald)

“I Don’t Know Much" (Aaron Neville and Linda Ronstadt )

“I Don’t Want to Talk About It” (Rod Stewart)

“Dazed and Confused” (Led Zeppelin)

Responding to critics

“Hit Me With Your Best Shot” (Pat Benatar)

“Chain of Fools” (Aretha Franklin)

“Please Be Kind” and “This Is All I Ask” medley (Frank Sinatra)

“Try a Little Tenderness” (Otis Redding)

“Don’t Uncork What You Can’t Contain” (Suzanne Vega)

Bragging about good polling data

“Good Vibrations” (The Beach Boys)

“Riding High” (Bob Marley)

“Simply Irresistible” (Robert Palmer)

“Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” (Starship)

“We Are the Champions” (Queen)

Dismissing lousy polling data

“When Will I Be Loved” (Linda Ronstadt)

“Give Me the Reason” (Luther Vandross)

“Free Fallin’” (Tom Petty)

“Move On Up a Little Higher” (Mahalia Jackson)

“Always Tomorrow” (Gloria Estefan)

In response to scandal allegations

“It’s Not that Serious” (Jennifer Lopez)

“Ain’t Misbehavin’” (Fats Waller in Stormy Weather)

“In Too Deep” (Genesis)

“It Ain’t Necessarily So” (Cher version)

“Pressure” (Billy Joel)

In a tiff with another candidate

“My Favorite Mistake” (Sheryl Crow)

“One Way or Another” (Blondie)

“Return to Me” (Dean Martin)

“You’ve Lost that Lovin’ Feelin'” (Righteous Brothers)

“You May Be Right” (Billy Joel)

Conceding defeat

“Another One Bites the Dust” (Queen)

“Just a Song Before I Go” (Crosby, Stills & Nash)

“End of the Road” (Boyz II Men)

“I Don’t Wanna Fight” (Tina Turner)

“Goodbye Don’t Mean I’m Gone” (Carole King)

Joseph H. Cooper writes Books columns for The Huffington Post.  His “Pauses and Moments” stories appear at PsychologyToday.com as “Rumblings from the lane next to the off ramp.”  ​

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