Dear school board, please ban my books. I need the sales.
You don’t have to read my books – you’ve made that unambiguously clear –or discuss them with someone who has read them. Just ban them.
In this third decade of the 21st century, I find myself belonging to the most crowded club of obscurity the human race has ever formed. I'm an author.
And much as I and many other authors in this club might assert ourselves on social media and whatever other media will entertain us, we will probably be consigned to this club forever (death being merely a new phase of obscurity).
Perhaps the best hope for any of us, if we wish to renounce membership, is to have our books banned by the literary cult of concerned parents, educators and politicians.
So, please, can someone ban my books?
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You don’t have to read them – you’ve made that unambiguously clear – or discuss them with someone who has read them. Why would what is actually on the pages of a book have any bearing on whether it should be banned?
Whatever you do, concerned parents, educators and politicians, please add me to the list of offenders. My books deserve it.
The novels I’ve written depict the human complexities and frailties that could lead a child to wonder about injustices such as racism, xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia and other bigotries.
In my most recent novel, a white guy contemplates his own racial prejudices, and ultimately has to reconcile them with the fact that a Black guy saves his life. Do you really want your kids to read something like that? Surely that fits your definition of critical race theory.
Some of my books are out of print, but don’t let that be a cause for complacency. They could somehow make it back into print – albeit far more likely if you take pity on me and ban them.
Don't expose your kids to my ideas
So, please, declare that if these books were in print, you would not allow your children or the children in your school or community to get anywhere near them. You would not let these books in your house and you would not allow your local library or bookstore to be poisoned by the offensive and harmful depictions in those pages.
I understand that book banning is not something typically done upon request from the author, but the books I have written deserve your outrage. And outrage is the gold standard of political currency.
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Embrace your power, you outraged and protective parents and educators and political animals. You may not possess the power to actually suppress literature or history or anything else. Not in the digital age. But you can do a hell of a job promoting books and ideas.
As a teacher, I recently mentioned all the book banning and teacher restricting that’s going on to my students. None had heard of critical race theory, but many of them immediately looked it up and read articles about it, and now, thanks to you, they are experts.
'Maus' sales jumped after ban
Last month, the Board of Education in McMinn County, Tennessee, did for Art Spiegelman what I hope someone will do for me. After the board voted unanimously to remove Spiegelman's 42-year-old graphic novel "Maus" from the curriculum, sales increased by more than 700% in the last week of January.
Other recently banned books also are seeing an uptick in sales. I’m happy for those authors – and not a little envious.
You might ask yourself, why bother banning books most people have never heard of? Especially because attempts to suppress stories and ideas are having the opposite effect. The answer is simple: Your objective is purely political, a statement about the world as it should be.
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Reject anything that challenges the status quo. Reject any mention of our ugly history that might remind us of our ugly present. Reject anything that suggests equality or inclusiveness or empathy for those who are not like us.
My books and I are the embodiment of all that and more. So don’t let me near your kids. If I apply for a teaching position in your community, ignore my qualifications and talent and, at all cost, bar me from the minds of your children. And please, at your next school board meeting, or PTA , city council or statehouse hearing, please ban any and all books by Larry Strauss.
My accountant and my banker will thank you.
Larry Strauss has been a high school English teacher in South Los Angeles since 1992. He is a member of Paste BN's Board of Contributors and the author of more than a dozen books, including "Students First and Other Lies: Straight Talk From a Veteran Teacher" and his new novel, "Light Man." Follow him on Twitter: @LarryStrauss