Need Christmas gifts for the Trump fan in your life? I've got you covered. | Opinion
If there's one thing every MAGA fan(atic) struggles with it’s this: Finding space to keep all their stupid hats. So I have a gift idea they'll love!
Do you have a relative who’s a die-hard supporter of President-elect Donald Trump AND impossible to shop for around the holidays? If so, I’m sorry about the first part. Families are hard.
But I can definitely help with the second part!
My years of experience writing about the MAGA movement make me a uniquely qualified gift-idea generator, perfect for those who want to step outside the normal realm of basic Trump-themed merch.
So here are a number of suggestions perfect for that special person on your list who you secretly hope doesn’t show up for Christmas dinner:
A gas-powered flask
If there’s one thing every Trump supporter will be drinking in 2025, it’s sweet, sweet liberal tears. So why not give the person you used to love but can’t really deal with at this juncture a flask in which they can collect those tears?
This special container is made from leftover border wall metal and includes a small combustion engine (DRILL, BABY, DRILL!) that will keep the tears warm or cold – however you like them.
Improved closet space for all those patriotic hats
If there’s one thing every MAGA fan(atic) struggles with, it’s this: Finding space to keep all their stupid hats.
Because Trump cares deeply about his followers, he has made approximately 3 million iterations of his cheaply made “Make America Great Again” hat. People collect them like their evil Beanie Babies, so hat space in Trump-supporting homes gets eaten up fast.
So why not give your mildly brainwashed relative a generous gift certificate for a closet organization company? They’ll thank you, assuming you’re on speaking terms, which you probably aren’t.
A way to survive the coming health crisis
With Trump appointing anti-vaccine nut Robert F. Kennedy Jr. as head of Health and Human Services, the coming years are likely to include the return of a number of preventable diseases.
That means the perfect gift for the person who has everything except a love of science is a Polio Survival Kit. Complete with an iron lung and a number of colorful splints and casts to support weakened muscles, this kit is a perfect way to say: “Merry Christmas, and I’m sorry you’re putting yourself through this.”
A journal to chart President Trump's many great successes!
Any Trump supporter worth their ivermectin is excited about their president following through on all the campaign promises he was lying about.
So why not give that person an appropriate way to record all of the soon-to-be President Trump’s accomplishments?
This unique “Trump Fixed It For Me!” journal is one small scrap of paper, a perfect size to chronicle all the things the new president will do to help the people who voted for him. (Pen not included, as it won’t be necessary.)
A tariff-friendly gift card
Trump said he plans to go crazy with tariffs, and MAGA voters said, “Heck, yeah!”
So Trump fans are guaranteed to appreciate a $5,000 gift card because that’s what it’s going to cost the next time they go to Walmart to buy a small appliance or a six-pack of beer.
Bumper stickers that really tell the whole story
Finally, every MAGA fan’s vehicle deserves a gift as well. Or, in this case, two gifts!
Your tragically lost loved one will be thrilled to received this high-quality pair of MAGA-In-A-Nutshell bumper stickers, perfect for the car or truck they drive to church each Sunday. One reads “Mass Deportation Now!” The other reads “Hypocrisy Isn’t Real!”
Happy shopping.
Follow Paste BN columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk