Mike Johnson may not win House speaker vote. GOP should pick this emoji instead. | Opinion
To save the GOP from any further embarrassment or claims they're incapable of governing, I have a solution: Get rid of Johnson and elect an angry-face emoji as speaker of the House.
When House Republicans aren’t busy seeing who can do more to make rich people’s lives easier, they like to spend time disliking whoever it is they’ve picked as their leader.
It’s for that reason that House Speaker Mike Johnson walks into Friday’s speaker election uncertain he’ll walk out with the same job title.
In theory, this should be an easy vote for a party that just won the presidency, held the House and reclaimed control of the Senate. President-elect Donald Trump has endorsed Johnson, and it would be embarrassing, bordering on calamitous, for Republicans to not have a speaker in place before the election is certified on Monday.
But these are not the Reagan Republicans of old. They’re more Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Clown College Republicans, or Trump Republicans for short. Chaos is their oxygen, so what was once a routine blip in the process when a new Congress convenes has become a cross between high drama and sitcom absurdity.
House Republicans bring chaos to speaker election, as usual
In January 2023, it took House Republicans 15 rounds of voting to elect Kevin McCarthy as speaker.
And they booted him that October. Then they took three weeks before settling for Johnson.
Now, with reelection upon us, it seems the Louisiana Republican has done little to win over his own gang.
Truth is, nobody seems to like House Speaker Johnson that much
The main problem Johnson faces in maintaining his speakership is that a lot of Republicans and quite literally all Democrats dislike him. That’s understandable, as Johnson’s most obvious talent is being easy to dislike.
Democrats see him, accurately, as an obsequious yes-man to Trump and a far-right extremist. A number of conservative Republicans – mainly those making up the House Freedom Caucus – see Johnson as not extreme enough, which is simultaneously hilarious and frightening.
Johnson’s failure to cut virtually all spending, more-or-less close up most of the government and make it illegal to help poor people (I might be making that last bit up) make him a traitor in the eyes of arch-conservative House members.
Johnson has to win over iffy Republicans to hold speakership
GOP Rep. Thomas Massie of Kentucky said he won’t vote for Johnson, complaining in a social media post that the speaker “routinely passes major legislation (Ukraine, Omnibus, FISA spying) with only a minority of republicans, and relying on most democrats.”
What an outrage! It’s almost as if America has two political parties that require cooperation to get anything done.
Johnson will need to win over a number of other Republican doubters, including Rep. Victoria Spartz of Indiana, Rep. Scott Perry of Pennsylvania and Rep. Andy Harris of Maryland.
Per The New York Times: “With the resignation of former Representative Matt Gaetz of Florida, Republicans will hold a total of 219 seats, while Democrats hold 215. That means Mr. Johnson can afford to lose only one Republican vote if all members are present and voting.”
Oh dear, Michael. This one’s gonna be a squeaker.
What if GOP booted Johnson and put in a real contender: 😠
To save House Republicans from any further embarrassment or claims that they’re incapable of governing, I have a solution: Get rid of Johnson and elect an angry-face emoji as speaker of the House.
Republican lawmakers clearly aren’t going to like whomever they elect, so why not just a pick a symbol that represents the party’s overall attitude toward everything: non-specific anger.
Trump is always angry. Republican voters, if my email inbox is any indication, are always angry. GOP lawmakers in the House and Senate are constantly going on Fox News to be angry.
I can think of no better House speaker than 😠
It’s honestly the one thing all Trump Republicans can agree on: 😠.
It should be no problem for House Republicans to unanimously rally behind 😠. And while Democrats will undoubtedly oppose 😠 – they’d probably be more in favor of 💗☮🍄 or some such – they could certainly do worse than having 😠 leading the opposition caucus.
So why not give it a try, Republicans. Embrace who you are and introduce America to House Speaker 😠.
Follow Paste BN columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk