Trump's $5,000 'baby bonus' isn't what new moms like me need for Mother's Day | Opinion
Pundits and politicians are once again sounding the alarm: Americans aren't having enough babies! But motherhood is not a quota.
My review of motherhood, 19 months in? Ten out of ten.
Watching our toddler learn new words, belly laugh and test every boundary with giddy abandon has made life fuller than I ever imagined. Her meltdowns are epic, her curiosity relentless, her joy completely unfiltered. I’ve never once wished for life before her.
It helps that my husband and I have found our stride. Between juggling jobs, family, exercise (yes, I made it back to the gym!), and – most important – our marriage, we’re doing pretty great. Life is a blur of snacks, bedtime books and endless laundry, but it’s a beautiful blur.
But one looming question hangs over us: Should we have another?
Despite how much we adore our daughter, there’s a very real list of reasons to stop at one. And as Mother’s Day approaches – and headlines fill with reports of policy proposals to boost the U.S. birth rate – I find myself wondering: Could the government ever really influence this decision?
Babies shouldn't be patriotic gestures or GDP fixers
Pundits and politicians are once again sounding the alarm: Americans aren’t having enough babies! Birth rates are falling. Millennials are too selfish. Women are too career-focused. Family values are collapsing. Society is teetering!
The U.S. fertility rate has been below replacement level since 2008. It's now about 1.63 children per woman, far below the 2.1 needed to maintain population levels.
In response, some in President Donald Trump’s orbit have floated ideas like a “National Medal of Motherhood” for women with six kids or more, reserving Fulbright scholarships for married parents, or a $5,000 “baby bonus.” Of those, the cash bonus is the only one that even begins to acknowledge what raising a child costs – but that amount would only covers two kids in day care for a single month.
Needless to say, none of these proposals would impact our family’s decision.
Because babies aren’t patriotic gestures. They’re not GDP fixes or population stats. They’re tiny, snack-hoarding people who fill your life with love and chaos. When we ask whether to have another, it’s not about what does America need? It’s can we do this again – emotionally, financially, logistically?
For starters, if politicians want a baby boom, maybe they should try making life with more babies less financially punishing.
Parental exhaustion has rightfully been called public health crisis
It’s not a mystery why more American families aren’t having kids or why many have adopted a “one and done” stance. Child care costs now rival those of housing. Health insurance doesn’t always cover the physical or emotional toll of birth. Maternal mortality, especially for Black women, is still alarmingly high. It costs nearly $300,000 to raise a child to 18, and that doesn’t include college.
This isn’t just about economics, though. It’s about energy. Parents, but especially mothers, are tired to the point that the former U.S. surgeon general issued an advisory calling attention to "the importance of parental stress, mental health and well-being, stressors unique to parenting, and the bidirectional relationship between parental mental health and child outcomes."
And still, our culture often dismisses that exhaustion as ingratitude. So when politicians say we need more babies, it can sound like a request from people who’ve never had to wipe applesauce off a work laptop.
Thus, it’s not surprising that much of the public reaction to the rumored White House proposals was for politicians to instead focus on the policies that actually support families and not just nudge women toward the delivery room.
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What real support from the government for families must include
If policymakers actually want to support families, they should start with the basics:
- Paid family leave that allows bonding time without risking financial ruin.
- Universal, affordable child care so returning to work isn’t a punishment.
- Health care that covers maternal mental health and childhood needs.
- Relief from student loan and housing debt, two of the biggest reasons people delay or forgo parenthood.
These wouldn’t just help families – they’d empower them. And they might actually move the needle, if only slightly. Countries like Sweden and France offer generous family policies, and while their birthrates are still declining, the support improves child health, gender equality and parental well-being.
As economist and parenting researcher Emily Oster notes, these policies aren’t magic bullets, but they’re good practices because they help families thrive.
That should be the point. Not coercing more births, but supporting the ones that are happening.
Having kids is a personal decision, not a national agenda
So here I am, a mom of one on my second Mother's Day, sitting with the question: Do I want to do this again?
Not just the cuddles and milestones, but the night feeds, the costs, the emotional recalibrations. The decision to have another child won’t come from a cash bonus or patriotic appeal. It will come from love – and from an honest accounting of our bandwidth, our finances and our dreams for the family we already have.
This Mother’s Day, I don’t want flowers or fanfare. I want mothers, whether they can count their kids on one finger or need both hands, to be seen as a full human being with limits, desires and autonomy.
Because motherhood is not a quota. It’s not a duty to the economy. It’s a profound, exhausting, beautiful role – and each time a woman chooses it, that choice should be honored.
Kristin Brey is the "My Take" columnist for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, where this column originally appeared.