Taco Bell Agua Refrescas clearly violate Trump's English-only directive | Opinion
Taco Bell would prefer to pour its delicious, radical, multilingual ideology down the throats of thirsty Americans by forcing them to order Agua Refrescas.
In an obvious and provocative violation of President Donald Trump’s executive order declaring English the official language of the United States, the fast-food restaurant chain Taco Bell has introduced new drinks called “Agua Refrescas.”
Excuse me, Taco Bell, have you heard of a little thing called “the law”? Because I’m pretty sure you’re breaking it by offering Americans thirst-quenching strawberry and passionfruit mocktails under a name that is decidedly not English.
Back in March, the great and powerful President Trump issued an executive order insisting that all Americans speak American, noting: "Establishing English as the official language will not only streamline communication but also reinforce shared national values, and create a more cohesive and efficient society.”
Why does Taco Bell hate America and Donald Trump?
Apparently, Taco Bell doesn’t want a more cohesive and efficient society. The company would prefer to pour its delicious, radical, multilingual ideology down the throats of thirsty Americans by forcing them to order Agua Refrescas.
NO THANK YOU, MR. BELL, IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME!
Agua Refrescas are not an acceptable MAGA beverage
On July 14, Attorney General Pam Bondi sent a memo to federal agencies telling them to start getting rid of “unnecessary multilingual offerings” and saying “the Department of Justice will lead a coordinated effort to minimize non-essential multilingual services” and “redirect resources toward English-language education and assimilation.”
While the memo does not reference fast-food beverage nomenclature, I’m pretty sure it applies, as everyone knows the quickest path to assimilation is a shared love of iced mango/peach concoctions made with what Paste BN calls “real freeze-dried fruit pieces and green tea.”
My reporting for this column took me to Google Translate, which helped decipher the mysterious foreign meaning of each word in Taco Bell’s controversial, possibly anti-MAGA new beverage. First, the word “agua” means “water.” And the word “refresca” means “refresh.”
So why, I ask, did Taco Bell officials decide to call these drinks Agua Refrescas instead of giving them a fun, patriotic, roll-off-the-tongue name like Water Refresh?
Is Taco Bell violating the law with a non-English beverage name?
The Taco Bell menu already contains a slew of good, traditionally American English words like “double beef,” “three cheese,” “loaded,” and “Crunchwrap.” And because I enjoy eating them, I will assume “taco” and “burrito” are English words as well.
So is it too much to ask that a U.S. fast-food chain allow its customers to come in and order five cheesy double beef burritos and a 20-oz. Dragonfruit Berry Water Refresh, like real damn Americans?!?
The long, radical history of aguas frescas
Further reporting revealed that agua refrescas stem from a classic Mexican beverage called agua fresca, which Texas Monthly described as having been “culturally important for a long time—so important that they were immortalized in Édouard Pingret’s 1852 painting Vendedora de aguas frescas.”
I don’t know what most of those words mean, but I do know that Taco Bell’s Agua Refrescas are transparently anti-American. A recent Los Angeles Times headline read: “These street vendors used their aguas frescas to fight tear gas at anti-ICE protests.”
What patriot wants to be caught dead drinking a beverage that could ward off the tear-gas-masked ICE agents who disperse while they’re grabbing random people off the streets and sending them to foreign prisons without due process? Not me, I’ll tell you that much.
If Taco Bell won't comply with Trump's English-only order, it must go
Look, I believe in every American’s right to pursue gastrointestinal distress, but I will not sit idly by while Taco Bell insults President Trump and his English-only executive order with this new drink. The man is busy trying to make life difficult for people who don’t look and sound exactly like me, and no deliciously fruity beverage should slow his xenophobic crusade.
It’s time to shut down Taco Bell, Mr. President. We can’t Make America Great Again while sipping Marxist mocktails called Agua Refrescas. That would be no bueno ... OH GOD, THEY GOT TO ME!!!!
Follow Paste BN columnist Rex Huppke on Bluesky at @rexhuppke.bsky.social and on Facebook at facebook.com/RexIsAJerk