Gun violence stole our children from us. Mother's Day carries loss – and hope. | Opinion
Mother's Day will never be the same for us. There will always be an empty seat at the table, a card that will never be written, an echo of an 'I love you' that will never be heard again.
This column discusses gun violence and suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org.
Mother’s Day is a celebration of love and family – a day for cherished traditions like breakfast in bed, heartfelt cards and hearing your child say, "I love you, Mom." But for mothers like us, it is also a poignant and painful reminder of absence.
Our children, Dylan and Ella, should be here, filling our homes with laughter and our arms with love. Instead, we are left with only memories and enduring grief that will never fade.
Our children were very different but had so much in common. They both loved the color purple. They both had brothers who were their best friends. They both had smiles that could light up a room. And they both died from preventable violence.
Dylan was just 6 years old when he was killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting. Ella was 24 when she died by suicide. Both left behind shattered families.
Both also left behind a choice for their families to make. Faced with unimaginable loss, we had a choice: Succumb to grief, or channel our love into action.
We chose action.
From loss, we chose to take action
Neither of us ever thought that we would lose a child to gun violence or suicide. Yet, gun violence and suicide are the two leading causes of death for young people in America. More than 7,000 Americans ages 10-24 died by suicide 2018-21.
In 2024, more than 1,400 youth under the age of 18 were killed by gun violence and nearly 3,800 were injured.
In the wake of Dylan’s death, Nicole helped launch Sandy Hook Promise, working to prevent school shootings and gun violence by educating youth and adults on the warning signs. SHP empowers young people to speak up, intervene and create inclusive and safe cultures. Through its "Know the Signs" programs, SHP has trained millions of students and adults to recognize warning signs of violence or self-harm. These efforts have prevented at least 18 planned school shootings and saved more than 700 lives from suicide.
Martha and her family launched The Defensive Line to honor Ella and to break the stigma around mental health and suicide. The Defensive Line has reached thousands through workshops and community programs that equip individuals, particularly in Black and Brown communities, with tools to address mental health crises.
We foster open conversations, equip people with the tools to recognize the signs of crisis and ensure that no one feels alone in their darkest moments. Talking about mental health can save lives.
The work of our organizations does not ease the pain of losing our children. It’s not work we ever expected to do – and perhaps it is work no parent should ever have to do. But it does give our love a purpose and direction.
It provides a pathway that gives other families the chance to keep their children safe.
To the mothers who've lost their children: You are not alone
Mother’s Day will never be the same for us. There will always be an empty seat at the table, a card that will never be written, an echo of an “I love you” that will never be heard again. But we carry our children in our hearts and in our missions.
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To every mother who, like us, is missing a child due to gun violence, suicide or other tragedy, you are not alone. We share your heartbreak. And to every mother who does not share our grief, we would be honored for you to join us.
This Mother’s Day, honor your children by taking these steps: Talk openly about mental health with your family, support organizations like ours through donations or volunteering, and advocate for commonsense policies that protect children from preventable tragedies. Channel your love for your children into action that demands change to keep them safe.
Though Mother’s Day will forever carry a shadow of loss for us, it also carries hope. Hope that through collective action, no other family will have to endure this pain. Together, we can turn love into purpose and create a safer world for all children.
Nicole Hockley is the cofounder and CEO of Sandy Hook Promise. Martha Thomas is the cofounder and chief education officer of The Defensive Line.